Building Communication Confidence

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Few months ago, I was on a flight and the person next to me asked, “what do you do for work?” The old me would’ve awkwardly engaged in small talk, such as thinking: what do I say? How do I say it? Is it even interesting? However, over the years I’ve discovered one of the best ways to engage is to make it relatable. Instead of saying I work for this company, with this title, and I do ABC, I learned the better structure is actually this: 🔵 Talk about the issues you solve 🔵 The solutions you offer 🔵 Name drop proof You can even use this formula, “You know how (state issue)? So what I do is (share solution). For example (give proof).” Personally, this is what I said: “You know how communicating clearly and confidently is one of the most important workplace skills, but so many people and teams struggle with it? I have a communication book coming out and I speak at conferences about developing leadership communication skills for business growth. It’s where I’m headed to now.” Suddenly, he had so many questions about the book and the work because he could relate. Next time you have to think about crafting a compelling introduction or talk about your work, follow this easy structure. How would you fill in the blank? Let me know below 👇🏻 #smartnotloud #book #communication #smalltalk #elevatorpitch

Found this 1980 ad about writing clearly. 65 years later, it's still the best writing advice I've ever seen: 1) Know exactly what you want to say before you start Most people start writing and figure it out as they go. That's why most writing sucks. Thompson says outline first, write second. Revolutionary concept, apparently. 2) Start where your readers are, not where you are Don't assume people know what you know. Meet them at their level of understanding, then bring them along. Most "experts" write for other experts and wonder why nobody gets it. 3) Use familiar word combinations Thompson's example: A scientist wrote "The biota exhibited a one hundred percent mortality response." Translation: "All the fish died." Stop trying to sound smart. Start trying to be clear. 4) Arrange your points logically Put the most important stuff first. Then the next most important. Then the least important. Seems obvious, but most people do it backwards. 5) Use "first-degree" words Thompson says some words bring immediate images to mind. Others need to be "translated" through first-degree words before you see them. "Precipitation" => "Rain" "Utilize" => "Use" "Facilitate" => "Help" 6) Cut the jargon Thompson warns against words and phrases "known only to people with specific knowledge or interests." If your mom wouldn't understand it, rewrite it. 7) Think like your reader, not like yourself Thompson asks: "Do they detract from clarity?" Most writers ask: "Do I sound professional?" Wrong question. TAKEAWAY: This ad is from 1960. The internet didn't exist. Social media wasn't even a concept. But the principles of clear communication haven't changed. Most people still can't write clearly because they're trying to impress instead of express.

Same action. Different meanings. 🌍 A nod in Nairobi. A “yes” in Lagos. A question in Johannesburg. Each can mean something entirely different — and that’s the reality of leading across cultures. As Erin Meyer's The Culture Map shows, leadership and communication aren’t universal. How we give feedback, make decisions, and build trust varies widely across the world. What signals confidence in one culture may read as arrogance or dissent in another. In a recent article, Marcia Ashong-Sam, MCIArb Ashong-Sam, CEO of TheBoardroom Africa, brings this lens closer to home — exploring how Africa’s cross-border leaders navigate vastly different expectations about hierarchy, communication, and feedback, often within the same organization. Cultural fluency isn’t a soft skill. It’s a strategic advantage. To quote Marcia: "Leaders who can read the map and adapt unlock alignment, trust, and creativity. They turn potential culture clashes into collaborative energy. They build teams that not only coexist but thrive on difference." Let’s lead with culture, not around it. 🔗 Read the full article here: https://lnkd.in/daRtZJmG 📖 Read more on The Culture Map by Erin Meyer: https://lnkd.in/dPfP-BzB

Confession: I'm a nervous public speaker… (yet I’ll make $1M+ from keynotes this year). Here are 9 strategies that turned my deepest fear into a powerful strength: PHASE 1: PREP WORK Strategy 1: Study the Best. We have the world's best speakers at our fingertips. Use them. Find 3-5 speakers you admire. Watch their talks on YouTube at 0.75x speed. Take notes on their structure and pacing, voice modulation, movement and gestures, audience engagement. Strategy 2: Create Clear Structure. Great speakers don't deliver speeches, they tell stories. Map your journey explicitly: opening hook, 3 key points, memorable close. Tell the audience where you're taking them. Strategy 3: Build Your "Lego Blocks." Don't memorize your entire speech. That's a trap. Instead, perfect these moments: your opening 30 seconds, key transitions, punchlines and closers. Practice in segments, not sequences. When things go sideways (they will), you'll adapt instead of freeze. Weird trick: Practice once while walking or jogging. It simulates the heart rate spike you'll feel on stage. PHASE 2: PRE-STAGE Strategy 4: Address the Spotlight. The Spotlight Effect: We think everyone's watching our every move. They're not. Use the "So What?" approach: Name your worst fear, ask "So what if it happens?", realize it's never that bad. You'll stumble? So what. Life goes on. Your family still loves you. Strategy 5: Get Into Character. Create your speaker persona. Ask yourself: What traits do they have? How do they move? What's their energy? Flip the switch. Become that character. It's not fake, it's your best self. Strategy 6: Eliminate Stress. The "Physiological Sigh" kills anxiety fast: Double-inhale through your nose, long exhale through your mouth, repeat 2-3 times. Science-backed. Immediate impact. PHASE 3: DELIVERY Strategy 7: Cut the Tension. Last week, they asked what song I wanted to enter to. I said "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys. They thought I was joking. I wasn't. "It's my 1-year-old's favorite song. Figured he'd be more excited to watch if Dad entered to his jam." Instant laughter. Tension gone. Audience on my side. Find your tension breaker. Use it early. Strategy 8: Play the Lava Game. Your pockets and torso are lava. Don't touch them. This forces you to gesture broadly, open your body, project confidence. Big gestures early build momentum. Strategy 9: Move Purposefully. Don't pace like you're nervous. Move like you own the room. Slow. Deliberate. Purposeful. Use movement to create dramatic pauses. Let your words land. Start with one speech, one strategy: Pick your next presentation—could be a team meeting, a toast, whatever. Choose ONE strategy from this list. Master it. Then add another. Public speaking is a muscle. These strategies are your workout plan. The more you practice, the stronger you get. Remember: Everyone gets nervous. The difference is having a system. Now you have one. Use it. Practice it. Watch yourself transform.

Here’s how I turn one keynote talk into infinite customized talks. It all starts with this: I built my talk modularly. For context: I speak to many different audiences, who have many different needs. Making a new talk for everyone is impossible — but I want to serve every client uniquely. A modular structure fixes that. The intro and outro are the same (and I improvise personalization for each audience). Then the meat of the talk is built on modules. Each module is about 7-12 minutes long. I start each with a big idea, then tell a compelling story to illustrate it, then offer a takeaway and exercise. Over time, I add, refine, and retire modules. I have five active ones now, and maybe 10 that I've retired. When I’m hired to speak, I do an intro call with the client to learn about the audience, their needs, and their interests. Based on that, as well as how much time I have on stage (30 minutes? 45? 60?), I assemble the talk. Maybe I’ll use the intro, plus modules 1, 2, 4, and 5, and then the outro — and no Q&A. Maybe I’ll use the intro, plus modules 2, 3, and 4, and then the outro — and 15 min of Q&A. Or whatever. A talk easily snaps into place. In my notes, I also give myself suggestions of how each module connects to a certain audience need. For example: If they’re going through X, then I can relate that to a point I make in Module 2. As a result, I have one talk that can be used and delivered in infinite ways — giving me more opportunities to work with clients, but with a lot less work. Want to be more strategic about YOUR work? My newsletter can help — subscribe for free at jasonfeifer.com/newsletter (Or want to explore my speaking at your event? Info at jasonfeifer.com/speaking)

If we want sustainable organisational change, which group is more important? (a) People who are active in response to the change (even if they're resistant); or (b) People who accept the change? New research suggests (a); it's more important for people to be active in change than it is to get favourable responses to it. Active dissenters/resisters are preferable to passive people who go along with the change. Many existing change frameworks focus on “valence”: the extent to which people are positive or negative about change. This research suggests another dimension: “activation” - the energy or action level in people’s response to change - whether they're engaged, energetic & visible (active) or quiet, withdrawn, & non-participative (passive). The authors offer a 4 box framework called “the Change Response Circumplex Scale”. I’ve added some strategies for working with different people alongside their graphic. Active resistance is preferable to passive disengagement because it:  -keeps the lines of feedback & dialogue open -surfaces important information & risks that passive compliance might hide -creates the conditions for long term engagement in change. Implications of this research for change leaders: 1. Go beyond reducing resistance: Don’t just focus solely on minimising resistance or seeking passive agreement; aim to foster active, positive engagement -what the authors term “change proactivity.” 2. Understand engagement levels: Differentiate between passive acceptance, disengagement & truly active, positive support. Use the framework to gauge people’s responses to your change initiative. 3. Create interventions accordingly: Disengaged people need approaches to increase involvement, passive assent can become active support & resistance can become constructive dialogue. 4. Leverage the value of dissent: Rather than viewing resistance solely as an obstacle, explore what motivates active dissent & use it as a resource for learning & adaptation. I appreciate this model because it challenges the existing (dubious) advice for change leaders to “overcome resistance to change”. Rather, we should work to activate engagement in change. The research suggests that both high activation responses (change proactivity & change resistance) show the most promise for long term change engagement. Activism is what changes the world. There are 2 research articles about this framework: 1) from 2024, validates the framework (This is from Scrid so it's accessible): https://lnkd.in/eZ5yjFwf. 2) from 2025, sets the framework in a wider change context & is in this LinkedIn post from 'Cheese' 🧀 Cheeseman https://lnkd.in/epzce-QG. By Shaul Oreg & Noga Sverdlik.

The Power of Conscious Communication Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling frustrated, disconnected, or stuck in conflict — despite your best intentions? Or maybe you’ve experienced the opposite — a conversation where you felt truly heard, understood, and aligned. What makes the difference? Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication reveals a powerful truth: our language is either building connection or reinforcing disconnection — often without us realizing it. On the disconnecting side, we often fall into patterns like: ❌ Blaming or criticizing ❌ Making demands instead of requests ❌ Defending or withdrawing These are often automatic — especially under stress — yet they rarely create the outcomes we want. On the connecting side, we can create stronger relationships by focusing on: ✅ Observing without judgment ✅ Expressing our feelings honestly ✅ Naming the deeper needs behind those feelings ✅ Making clear, actionable requests The key difference: ❌ Disconnecting communication denies choice — making people feel controlled, defensive, or resistant. ✅ Connecting communication invites choice — fostering collaboration, trust, and accountability. How Leaders Can Use This Tool 1️⃣ Check Your Default Mode: When conversations become tense, ask yourself: • Am I reacting or responding? • Am I blaming or seeking to understand? • Am I making a demand or inviting collaboration through a clear request? 2️⃣ Use the Wheel as a Guide: If you notice yourself leaning toward disconnecting patterns, pause and shift to connecting behaviors — like asking a clarifying question, expressing your feelings, or inviting input. 3️⃣ Build Team Awareness: Share the wheel with your team and ask: • Which patterns show up most often in our conversations? • What connecting behaviors could improve how we communicate and collaborate? Shifting to conscious communication isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being aware. Small shifts in language can transform your conversations, your relationships, and your leadership. For those familiar with the Leadership Circle Profile (LCP), Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers practical tools to support the shift from reactive to creative leadership. By promoting self-awareness, empathy, and clear communication, NVC helps leaders break free from reactive patterns like Controlling or Complying, while strengthening creative competencies such as Authenticity and Relating.

People don’t process everything you write. They process what’s easy. Recruiters. Hiring managers. Even that person who just checked your profile after you commented on their post. They’re all doing the same thing: scanning. Job titles. Headlines. First lines. That’s why clarity wins. Readable writing isn’t about dumbing things down, it’s about respecting attention. When your profile is easy to follow, it feels trustworthy. Research in SAGE Journals calls this processing fluency - people trust and like information more when it’s easier to read. So, make it easy to believe you: - Short sentences. - Real words. - Visible results. Because your profile isn’t read by algorithms or recruiters alone, it’s read by humans trying to grasp your story fast. Clarity doesn’t just stop the scroll. It starts trust.

“He thought aggression = leadership. He was wrong.” The country head walked into the room like a storm. Voice loud, footsteps heavy, eyes sharp enough to cut. In meetings, he snapped at juniors. “That’s a stupid idea.” “Don’t waste my time.” “Just do what I say.” Every word landed like a whip crack. At first, people obeyed out of fear. But slowly, the air in the office grew heavy—silence in corridors, fake nods in meetings, ideas swallowed before they were spoken. I still remember one meeting. A young manager, clutching her notepad with sweaty palms, tried to contribute: “Sir, what if we—” Before she could finish, he cut her off: “Not useful. Next.” Her face flushed. She sank back into her chair. And with her, ten other unspoken ideas disappeared from the room. Later, in a one-on-one, he told me proudly: “See, I run a tight ship. They know who’s in charge.” That was his vulnerability—he mistook fear for respect, and aggression for authority. I had to hold up the mirror. 👉 “Fear creates compliance. But it kills creativity. You don’t have a tight ship—you have a sinking one.” We started training him in assertive communication—firm, but respectful. • Replacing “That’s stupid” with “Help me understand your logic.” • Practicing listening without interruption. • Learning to challenge ideas without crushing people. At first, he resisted. “This feels too soft,” he said. But slowly, he began to notice the shift. Weeks later, in another meeting, the same young manager spoke up again. This time, he leaned in and said: “Go on. Tell me more.” The room felt different. Shoulders relaxed. Pens moved again. Ideas started flowing. And at the end of the quarter, when his team hit record numbers, he admitted: “I thought respect came from fear. I was wrong. Respect comes from trust.” 🌟 Lesson: Aggression silences. Assertiveness empowers. Fear creates short-term compliance. Respect creates long-term results. Great leaders don’t intimidate their teams. They inspire them. #ExecutivePresence #LeadershipDevelopment #CommunicationSkills #SoftSkills #Assertiveness #Fortune500 #BusinessGrowth #TeamCulture #Leadership