Difficult Conversations With Employees

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

Leaders who avoid hard feedback aren’t protecting their people, they are setting them up to fail. Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have in leadership but it’s also one of the most misused. Because leaders confuse compassion with avoidance, softening the truth until it loses all usefulness, or withholding it altogether under the guise of kindness. Compassionate feedback is about caring enough to be honest, in a way that allows other people to hear it. At APS Intelligence, we use a framework for compassionate feedback, designed to ensure that even difficult messages are delivered with clarity and respect: 1. Frame the feedback - Start by recognising effort and value to create psychological safety and remind people their work is seen and appreciated. 2. Ask permission - Feedback lands better when people feel like they have agency. Asking “Can I talk to you about something I’ve noticed?” is, as Dr. Shelby Hill says, a gentle knock on the door of someone’s psyche instead of barging in. 3. Be precise and objective - Describe what you’ve observed, not your interpretation of it. Feedback should focus on behaviour, not character. 4. Explain the impact - Share how the behaviour affects others or the work. Clarity about consequences builds accountability without blame. 5. Stay curious and open - Avoid assumptions. Ask questions that invite dialogue and understanding, not defence. 6. Collaborate on next steps - Offer support, not ultimatums. Feedback should be a shared problem to solve instead of a burden to bear. 7. End with perspective - Reaffirm their strengths and remind them that one issue does not define their value. Compassionate feedback allows honesty and humanity to coexist. It ensures that when people walk away, they feel respected, even if the message was hard to hear. This is a framework we use often at APS Intelligence. You can book a tailored workshop for your people managers or leadership cohorts to explore this further.

You might not want performance conversations to be personal, but trust me, they are very personal to your employees. Their livelihood is at stake. Their capability is in question. The consequences are incredibly high. My job is to stay calm and bring structure to it. Otherwise, it can become a tangled mess. Ideally, I’ve set clear expectations upfront. And they’ve been getting feedback from me at a regular clip. But sometimes, we must step back and ask, “Where are we?” Here's how I structure those conversations: 📌 My first question: "Do they see it?" Do they appreciate what’s needed to meet or beat expectations? Do they understand how and why they’re coming up short? If "No," you need to get them there. How? Asking them to self-assess can give me useful intel. You can also finesse this by getting others to provide feedback. Different words can often break through. If they do see it... 📌 "Do they want to fix it?" If the answer is "No," the path becomes painfully obvious. You can’t have people in the role that don’t want to meet it. And people willingly leaving their role is easiest. How? Finesse it by previewing the severance or exit package. Identify roles they might thrive in. Chances are they're frustrated, too. Or if they’re a great fit in the wrong role, you can discuss a trial elsewhere in the org. Finally, if they see it and want to fix it... 📌 “Do they know how?” If not, this is a great place to coach. Use questions to guide them in the direction you need. If they write the map, they tend to follow it. If they know how and are not improving, there are two possibilities: -> They’re not making the change. -> They’re making it, and it’s not helping. In either case, the fair choice for your team and for them is likely an exit. These conversations are always challenging. But they're nearly impossible when we don't have a plan. You can have conversations, or you can lead them. In moments of high emotion, clear is kind. If you found this post helpful: - Please repost ♻️ to help other leaders - Follow Dave Kline 🔔 for more posts like it - Subscribe to my MGMT Playbook 📕 (in bio) Join 30K leaders and get access to 75 practical playbooks + working templates for every challenging management moment.

If you’re a leader, you’ll be judged not by how you handle the easy conversations - but by how you deal with the difficult ones. My very first act as a manager, aged 23, was to sit down with a man in his fifties and tell him his role was no longer needed. He was respected and experienced. A really decent person. But his skills no longer matched the business. The conversation should’ve happened much sooner - but none of my predecessors had the courage. Here’s what I’ve learned about difficult conversations since then: 1. Prepare more than you think you need to. Clarity, language, timing. It all matters, particularly the first few sentences. 2. Approach with humility. You don’t have all the answers, and you’re not the hero of this story. 3. See it through their eyes. Compassion starts with understanding what this moment means for them. 4. Stay steady. Don’t rush. Make space for the silence and the emotion. 5. Remember the importance of their dignity. However tough the news, they should leave with their self-respect intact. And if you’re on the receiving end of a difficult conversation? Try to separate the message from your identity. It’s happened to me before and it’ll happen again. It’s painful, but it’s not the sum of who you are. The hardest conversations are the ones you never forget. But handled with care, they’re also the ones that build your character as a leader. #CareerMoment LinkedIn News UK

Giving feedback is easy. Giving honest feedback consistently and constructively isn’t. But it’s one of the most underrated leadership tools we have. The following comment was made by a member of my team on one of my recent posts: "One of the most valuable lessons I learned from you was the importance of giving honest feedback without hesitation." It made me reflect and prompted me to reach out to Anshu Shukla, someone I’ve worked closely with, to understand how feedback had shaped her journey.  What she shared wasn’t just a compliment, it was a reminder of why feedback matters, and what it can unlock when given with the right intent. Here’s what stood out for me from her note: • “Watching how openly and honestly you shared your observations made a big difference. It encouraged me to be more receptive, understanding that honest feedback is a sign of genuine intent to help someone grow, not criticism.” • “You once told me: ‘You may not convert your weaknesses into strengths, but make sure your weaknesses don’t affect your strengths.’ That changed how I see myself and how I lead.” • “When you bluntly told me I was horrible at public speaking, it freaked me out. But it also pushed me to stop avoiding it and start improving.” What I appreciated most was this line: “Learning through mistakes is part of everyone’s journey, even at the top.” And it’s true. Feedback isn’t just about correcting, it’s about building self-awareness, creating safe spaces for growth, and nudging people to explore parts of themselves they may not want to confront. Three things I’ve learned about giving feedback: 1. Holding back giving tough feedback doesn't make you a nice person. It makes you a weak person and doesn't help the person you are trying to be nice to or protect.  2. Context and intent matter. Feedback works when it’s rooted in a shared goal, not ego. 3. It’s a two-way street. You have to be as open to hearing it as you are to giving it. Most people don’t fear feedback, they fear how it’ll be delivered. Change that, and you change how people grow. What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve received or given that shifted your perspective? I’d like to hear it. #Leadership #Feedback #GrowthMindset

Like a medical diagnosis, criticism in the workplace serves to pinpoint problems, inefficiencies, or shortcomings. It highlights areas that require attention, whether in individual performance, team dynamics, or organizational processes. However, criticism that stops at identification, without providing a roadmap for improvement, is incomplete. It can lead to frustration, demotivation, and a sense of aimlessness, akin to a patient knowing their ailment but having no means to cure it. The transition from merely diagnosing to offering a treatment plan in the business context involves providing actionable feedback. This step requires skill, empathy, and a deep understanding of the individual or the situation at hand. Actionable feedback is specific, achievable, and relevant. It not only points out the area of concern but also offers practical steps, resources, or guidance on how to rectify the issue. This approach transforms criticism from a potentially negative interaction into a constructive and empowering one. Incorporating actionable plans into criticism yields multiple benefits. For employees, it provides a clear path to improvement and facilitates growth. For teams, it encourages a culture of continuous improvement, collaboration, and open communication. And for organizations, it leads to improved results and a competitive edge. Implementing this approach is not without its challenges. It requires a culture that values open communication and continuous learning. Leaders and managers must be trained to provide balanced feedback that is both honest and constructive. Additionally, there must be an understanding that the 'treatment plan' might require adjustments and flexibility, as every professional scenario is unique. The takeaways ... [1] When offering criticism, accompany it with a specific, measurable action plan. For instance, if an employee's performance is lacking in a certain area, don't just highlight the problem; provide clear, achievable goals and a timeline for improvement. Offer resources, if needed. [2] Constructive criticism should not be a one-way street. Encourage employees to engage in the feedback process actively. This can be achieved by asking them for their input on potential solutions or improvements. Such an approach not only empowers the employees but also builds a culture of mutual respect and collaborative problem-solving. [3] Criticism and action plans are not a 'set it and forget it' scenario. Regular follow-ups are crucial to ensure that the action plan is being implemented and to assess its effectiveness. [4] Recognizing and acknowledging progress is equally important, as it reinforces positive behavior and outcomes, leading to sustained improvement and development. ✅ Share this to your network ✅ Follow me on LinkedIn for expert insights ★ DM me for a conversation to learn how we can help you grow & succeed #business #people #leadership #management #growth #success #feedback #communication

Corporate Soul Stories Chapter 16: The Art of Giving Creative & Constructive #Feedback – Growing Without Tearing Down Claire was a rising leader—sharp, driven, and always pushing her team to be better. But if she was honest, there was one part of leadership she dreaded: Giving feedback. She had seen it go wrong too many times. 🚨 The Sugarcoated Trap: Feedback so vague and polite that it did nothing to help. 🚨 The Bulldozer Approach: Brutal, demoralizing, and crushing instead of coaching. 🚨 The Avoidance Game: No feedback at all—just silent resentment until it was too late. But the best leaders? They knew the secret: Feedback isn’t about criticism. It’s about growth. The Garden Analogy: How Great Feedback Works One day, Claire’s mentor, a veteran executive named Mark, gave her a new way to look at feedback. "Think of your team like a garden," he said. "Some plants need sunlight—encouragement, praise, recognition." "Some need pruning—corrections, adjustments, realignment." "Some need deeper roots—mentorship, challenges, new skills." "Your job? To help them grow—not to rip them out of the soil." That was Claire’s turning point. The 3 Rules of Game-Changing Feedback ✅ 1. Focus on Growth, Not Judgment Instead of “This was wrong,” she started saying “Here’s how we can make this even better.” It wasn’t about pointing fingers. It was about pointing forward. ✅ 2. Make It Specific and Actionable Instead of “You need to improve your presentations,” she said “Let’s work on making your key points clearer in the first two minutes.” No one can fix vague feedback. Clarity creates progress. ✅ 3. Balance Praise with Challenge She learned to celebrate strengths while addressing areas to improve. People need to hear what they’re doing right so they have the confidence to tackle what’s wrong. The Transformation: When Feedback Becomes a Superpower Claire’s team changed. 🚀 People stopped fearing feedback and started asking for it. 🚀 Mistakes became less about failure and more about learning. 🚀 Productivity soared—because when people know how to improve, they actually do. And here’s the kicker—Claire grew too. Because the best leaders don’t just give feedback. They invite it. They ask, “What can I do better as your leader?”—and they listen. Final Thought: Feedback Isn’t a Weapon. It’s a Gift. The difference between a boss and a leader? A boss tells you what you did wrong. A leader shows you how to do it right. Ask Yourself Today: "Am I helping people grow—or just pointing out what’s broken?" "Do I avoid feedback because it’s hard, or embrace it because it’s necessary?" Because the best teams thrive on feedback. Not fear. To be continued… 🚀 DC*

An employee raises a discrimination complaint. Next thing you know, they’re in a misconduct process.   It looks procedural, feels justified.   But tribunals often see something else.   A recent case shows how quickly this unravels.   Here’s what happened: 👇 An employee raised concerns around race discrimination. Multiple claims were brought.   Most didn’t stick.   Two did: ✔ Harassment linked to race ✔ Victimisation after the complaint was raised   Why? Because the employer moved into a misconduct process soon after.   Timing matters more than most leaders think.   The outcome? £23,000+ paid out.   But that’s not the real impact.   It’s the internal message it sends. “Speak up… but expect consequences.”   That’s where trust disappears.   ⚠️ Here’s the part leaders miss: Once a complaint is raised, everything is under a microscope.   Every decision. Every step. Every note.   You might say: “We’re following the process.”   Tribunal asks: Would you have done this anyway?   If that’s not a straight yes, you’re exposed.   Keep it simple:   - Document real reasons properly - Separate complaints and disciplinary action - Most importantly, bring in HR early   It’s about protecting fairness. And your own credibility as a leader.   Because once people believe speaking up leads to consequences… They stop speaking.   And that’s when the real problems start.

You open your inbox after lunch. And there it is. A sharp email from an employee. Copied to senior leadership. Accusing their manager of retaliation. Calling out poor leadership. Timing matters here. This employee just returned from leave. And hours later, they raised a concern. Now the manager is upset. They want HR to discipline the employee. The reason? Unprofessional tone. This is where HR judgment really shows. Because not all complaints are the same. And not all emails are just “feedback.” Let’s break it down. First, what is a complaint? A complaint is when an employee raises a concern. It can be informal. It can be emotional. It can even be poorly written. A complaint alone is not misconduct. Second, what is feedback? Feedback is about behavior, process, or performance. It usually comes with context. It is often meant to improve something. Tone can be coached. Delivery can be addressed. Timing can be discussed. Now the big one. Protected activity. Protected activity is when an employee raises concerns tied to legally protected rights. Think discrimination. Harassment. Retaliation. Leave rights. Here’s the key. Protected activity does not need to be polite. It does not need to follow a perfect chain of command. And it often shows up when emotions are high. So what are your options? 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗔. Discipline the employee. This feels tempting. But it's risky. You could be seen as punishing someone for speaking up. That is how retaliation claims start. 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗕. Pause and assess. This is the safest first step. Review the complaint. Understand the timeline. Separate the concern from the conduct. No knee jerk reactions. 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗖. Coach both sides. This is often the smartest move. You acknowledge the concern. You set communication expectations. You support the manager. Without formal discipline. This protects trust. And it lowers legal risk. Here’s the HR truth. When someone raises a concern after leave, slow down. Your job is not to police tone first. Your job is to protect the process. Once the concern is reviewed, then you can coach behavior. Not punish it. What would you do in this situation? And how would you explain your decision to leadership? #HRLife #EmployeeRelations #ProtectedActivity

The hardest steps at work... Not to the printer room. Not up the stairs to the office. It's the steps to someone's desk when you need to have that difficult conversation. Want to make those steps easier? Here's what I've learned: 1. Timing is everything ❌ Don't give feedback: - Right before important meetings - When someone is hungry - When emotions are high - In public spaces ✅ Choose moments when: - There's time to talk - Basic needs are met - You're both calm - Privacy is assured 2. The delivery matters Start with: "I'd like to share something, is this a good time?" Then use the magic formula: "When [situation], I noticed [observation], and it made me feel [impact]. Because for me it is very important to [need], Do you think next time we could try this instead... [collaborative request]" 3. Remember ⤵️ - You can't control their reaction - You can only control your delivery (tone of voice and body language matter) - Your feedback might be the awareness they need - Change is their choice, not your responsibility 4. Set the right mindset: - Acknowledge your own imperfection - Be open to their perspective - Listen more than you speak - Focus on growth, not blame 🛑 Most people don't resist feedback. They resist feeling judged. Your role is not to fix them. It's to create a safe space where truth can be spoken and understanding can flourish. 🚧 Because at the end of the day: We're all works in progress, learning and growing together. P.S.: What's your best tip for handling difficult conversations? #Leadership #Communication #PersonalGrowth #WorkplaceCulture #FeedbackCulture