How Unworthiness Can Dictate your Life

Unworthiness continues because we are too afraid to be vulnerable about our feelings. We are fearful of showing our true selves. The question, “If I am authentic, will they like me?” plagues us and keeps our insecurities growing. How do we break the cycle of feeling unlovable if we cannot be open and express ourselves?

Many of my clients, friends, family members, and students confess their feelings of unworthiness yet hold onto those feelings like a badge of honor. They were told to be strong. Fit in. Be accepted. Do not stand out.

We are good at creating a story in our minds regarding how others feel about us - without any proof. Each story is based on our past experiences and founded in our fears. I know personally because I have created similar stories, none based on facts but rather on fear.

Think about the stories floating in your head. Is the same true for you?

I remember a client expressing the story about why her friend of twenty years didn’t call her back. My client went into deep detail; certain the reason must have been something she said. She went on to discuss how she always said the wrong thing. She has had other friendships that ended, though she never understood why, she had always assumed the reason must have been her. When I asked her about the specific things, she thought she had said to hurt her friend, she couldn’t think of any. When I asked her for evidence of her wrong doings, she didn’t have any. She only had justification. She believed it had to be her because she had lost other friendships.

We always find justification for the bad in our lives even though we have NO proof. We always assume, “It must be me, I’m not good enough. If I was good enough, why aren’t we friends? Why haven’t they returned my call?” We never think about the person on the other side. Could it be, the other person feels they did something wrong? Could it be the other person is going through a bad time and is afraid to ask for help? Could it be the other person walked away from the friendship because they needed to be alone for their own reasons? Could it be the friend simply didn’t call us back yet simply because they are busy?

Next time, your unworthiness shows up - question if it's based on truth/fact? or is it your fear or past coming up?

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