How to Influence and Guide with Confidence

Ever felt like your ideas were solid, but no one seemed to listen? You speak up in a meeting, suggest a game-changing idea, and… crickets. Then, a few minutes later, someone else rephrases it—and suddenly, it’s brilliant. 🤦♂️ Here’s the thing: leadership isn’t just about having great ideas. It’s about getting people to believe in them, commit to them, and act on them—even when you don’t have a fancy title or direct authority. So, how do great leaders influence without pulling rank? They master the 3C Framework: Clarity, Credibility, and Connection. 1️⃣ Clarity: Say It So It Sticks Ever noticed how the best ideas are often the simplest? Steve Jobs didn’t say, “We’re launching a highly intuitive, user-centric mobile device with advanced touch capabilities.” He just said, “It’s an iPhone.” Leaders who influence make their ideas clear, concise, and compelling. If your pitch takes 10 minutes to explain, people will tune out. Try this instead: ✅ One-liner impact statement: “This project will cut turnaround time by 30%—without increasing workload.” ✅ Storytelling over stats: Instead of rattling off numbers, tell a quick success story. People remember emotions, not spreadsheets. 👉 Ask yourself: If someone had to repeat your idea in 10 seconds, could they? 2️⃣ Credibility: Be Heard Before You Speak You don’t need a title to be credible, but you do need trust. People listen when they believe: 🔹 You know your stuff. (Competence) 🔹 You follow through. (Reliability) 🔹 You have their best interests at heart. (Integrity) A quick credibility hack? The Pre-Sell. Before a big meeting, casually float your idea to a few key stakeholders over coffee or Slack. That way, when you bring it up, it’s not new—it’s familiar. And people trust what feels familiar. 👉 Ask yourself: Have I built trust before I need it? 3️⃣ Connection: Speak Their Language, Not Yours Ever been stuck in a meeting where two teams speak entirely different languages? Finance talks cost savings, marketing talks brand impact, and IT talks… well, in code. The most influential leaders translate their message into what matters to their audience. If you’re pitching an idea to your CFO, don’t lead with creativity—lead with ROI. If you’re talking to your engineering team, don’t just push deadlines—explain why the impact is worth it. A simple trick? Mirror their language. If they keep saying “efficiency,” frame your idea as an efficiency boost. People connect when they feel heard. 👉 Ask yourself: Am I making this about me or about them? The Bottom Line: Leadership Without Authority = Influence With Intention You don’t need a corner office to lead. You just need to: ✔ Make your ideas crystal clear ✔ Build credibility before you need it ✔ Speak to what people care about—not just what you care about So, here’s a challenge: Think about the last time you had to influence without authority. What worked? What didn’t? Drop your thoughts in the comments!

This one mindset changed how I lead teams. Influence isn't loud. It's patient. I’ve wanted to be influential at various points in my career.   And I used to think that influence was about perfect arguments. Flawless logic. The right facts, delivered with confidence.   And sometimes, that worked. But not often enough.   The more I led teams, the more I realised influence isn’t about convincing people. It’s about guiding them to convince themselves.   People don’t like being told what to do. They like feeling in control.   So, instead of pushing my ideas, I started asking better questions.   Like the time I needed a team to pivot on a project: – I didn’t lecture them. – I just asked, “What outcome do we really want here?” – That simple question sparked a discussion. – And they landed on the exact conclusion I had in mind. But it wasn’t my idea anymore. It was theirs.   And that’s the point. Influence isn’t about being the smartest person in the room.   It’s about creating space where others feel smart. Where their ideas matter.   Sometimes, I’d say one thing. Then stay silent. No rush to fill the gap. Just letting the idea sit.   And over time? I’d hear my words echoed back – not because I pushed, but because the idea took root.   The biggest shift? 👉 Realising that influence feels effortless when you stop trying to control the outcome. It’s not about being right. It’s about creating alignment. So, if you’re struggling to get people on board, maybe it’s not about trying harder. Maybe it’s about trying differently. Ask questions. Pause. Let ideas breathe. You don’t need to push. You just need to guide. Influence works best when people believe the choice was theirs all along.   How do you influence? Drop your thoughts in the comments. ⭐️ Follow me (Mostyn Wilson) and subscribe to my newsletter (link above) for more like this.

At 25, I Became a People Manager… and My Team Had More Experience Than I Did When I was 25, I was hired into my first people management role. Exciting, right? But there was one problem: my team consisted of people older and far more experienced than me. The authority of my title only went so far, and I quickly realized that I couldn’t lead with my position alone. I knew that I couldn’t command respect simply because I was the manager. These were professionals who had seen it all. What I needed was their buy-in, not just their compliance. That’s when I learned one of the most important lessons of leadership: Lead through influence, not authority. Here’s how I made it work: 1. I built trust: I didn’t pretend to know more than my team. Instead, I showed respect for their expertise and made it clear I was there to support them. That transparency built trust. 2. I listened more than I spoke: Instead of telling people what to do, I spent a lot of time listening—understanding their perspectives, challenges, and ideas. Listening helped me find common ground and solutions. 3. I empowered my team: Instead of micromanaging, I actively sought their opinions and encouraged them to make decisions. They felt trusted and, in turn, delivered results far beyond my expectations. 4. I used my strengths to solve their pain points: As I listened, I started identifying areas where my own skills could help address their challenges—whether it was streamlining a process or providing a new perspective. By leveraging my abilities to make their work easier, I gained credibility and became someone they trusted to support them in meaningful ways. By leading through influence, I was able to turn potential resistance into strong collaboration. #Leadership #Influence #Trust #PeopleManagement #TeamCollaboration #ProfessionalGrowth #Empowerment #ActiveListening #LeadershipDevelopment

“I expected more from you.” That was the 11 p.m. text that lit up my phone. If you’ve ever gotten a message like that about something that’s not urgent, from someone who isn’t even your boss… you know the exact cocktail of irritation and frustration that hits you instantly. Six more messages came through rapid-fire. I left them unread and woke up to a full wall of text. She was a direct-hire partner I’d offered to help acclimate to Deloitte—make connections, help her define her value proposition. New to the culture. No internal network. Immense pressure to build a business fast. It’s one of the hardest roles to step into. And she made a mistake I see everywhere: She confused “having a title” with “having authority” to command and control people. When I called her the next day, she said: “I’m a partner. Your job is to support me.” No — that’s not how influence works anywhere anymore. 71% of today’s workers report that a large portion of their work is cross-functional and outside their formal job descriptions. I explained that the only way anything gets done in a matrixed environment like Deloitte is through: Respect. Relationship. Reciprocity. Collaboration. Not demands. Not judgment and shame. Unless you control someone’s performance review or pay… You are leading through influence — not authority. And people follow you only if they want to. Here are the unwritten rules: 1️⃣ Bring a brick — not the whole cathedral. Show up with one idea, not a fully baked blueprint. People don’t support what they didn’t help create. Invite fingerprints early and you get ownership, partnership, and momentum — not resistance. 2️⃣ Give feedback the way you would with a friend. Skip accusations and ego. Try: “How do you think that went? I wonder how we might do X differently next time. What do you think?” It builds safety, honesty, and shared problem-solving — not defensiveness. 3️⃣ Read and apply How to Win Friends and Influence People. Simple, timeless behaviors like listening fully, avoiding criticism, and taking interest in others still move organizations forward. Most people think they’ve “outgrown” the basics. They haven’t. 4️⃣ Treat every single person you work with as part of your network. People change jobs every 2–4 years and most follow a colleague to their next opportunity, according to research by McKinsey and the Bureau of Labor Statistics — so your relationships travel farther than you think. If you treat everyone as someone you may work with again, you build goodwill, access, and opportunities you can’t yet see. 5️⃣ Give recognition generously. People want to be seen, especially for the invisible labor that keeps cross-functional work moving. Call out what’s working. Define the behaviors you want more of. You become the leader people want to work with — which is real influence. Titles don’t get things done. Relationships do. What do you think?

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦, 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐡𝐲𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐝𝐞, 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬. This ability is '𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞', i.e., the power to have an effect on people or things. Often, clients who work with me to enhance their influence aspire to develop the magical power that gets everything they say accepted as is by their colleagues. However, influence is the ability to open the door for conversation, understand perspectives, and co-create solutions to attain common goals. It enables you to bring people together, build consensus, and move the agenda forward. You are more likely to build influence by connecting and appealing to the hearts as well as the minds. Here are a few factors to help you make a connection and enhance your influence – 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠. When you give your attention to someone, they feel valued. You benefit from their viewpoints, find common ground, and encourage open and transparent dialogue. 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬. Simple everyday acts show appreciation to colleagues, e.g., recognizing their contributions, offering help, and being interested in their well-being. 𝐄𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲. Be an expert in your area of work. Know the latest developments, have a 'point of view' on things, and share it with others. Your colleagues will respect your knowledge and collaborate with you for the value you add. 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬. People like to work with people they know, like, and trust. Building connections means showing interest in colleagues and being transparent and empathetic towards them. Making the time to get to know people you work with and letting them know you builds trust and expands your influence. 𝐁𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. Building influence requires consistency. Keep your promises, set high standards of behavior for yourself, and establish clear expectations. People will trust you and reciprocate by being consistent in their commitments to you. 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. Invest time to understand what they are looking forward to from the discussion/project, and lead with that to gain support. Invite inputs and make them a part of the solution. 𝐁𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞. Stay open to ideas from others. Being open also means not being attached to your image or role and easily wearing different hats, such as team player, problem solver, mediator, innovator, etc. This adaptability builds your aura and influence at the workplace. What is your experience of connection powering your influence? Do share in comments.

Stop teaching women to be confident. We don’t need another pep talk. We don’t need more “you got this” speeches or workshops on how to feel stronger. Because let’s be real: women already are confident. They study. They deliver results. They lead teams. They launch businesses. They have the expertise. Confidence isn’t the problem. The real gap? 👉 Credibility — when a man speaks, authority is assumed. When a woman speaks, her credibility is questioned. 👉 Self-trust — not “can I do it?” but “do I trust myself enough to stop apologizing, overexplaining, or shrinking when I do it?” And yes, this is maddening to witness: we’ve all seen mediocrity celebrated as authority on one side of the table, while brilliance gets interrogated on the other. Double standards drive me crazy. So instead of pushing women to “fix themselves” with more confidence, the work is two-fold: ⚡ Fix the systems that undermine them. ⚡ Practice the subtle shifts that close the credibility gap. Here’s the simple micro-framework I share with clients when influence feels harder than it should: 1️⃣ Align — Anchor in what actually matters: your values, your expertise, your goals. And ask yourself the hardest question: am I sitting at the right table? Because if you’re at the wrong one, it’s like fighting windmills. No amount of “confidence” will make that worth it. 2️⃣ State — Share your perspective clearly. No hedging. No over-explaining. No apologizing for taking space. This is the one piece where practice is everything — the muscle you build each time you refuse to downplay yourself. 3️⃣ Evidence — Back it up with data, examples, proof. Unfair? Absolutely. Necessary? Yes. Because credibility isn’t handed to us the way it is to others. We build it, brick by brick. Here’s the secret: 👉 Just “being confident” without credibility, without alignment, without self-trust… is like shouting into the wind. 👉 Alignment + clarity + evidence? That’s what shifts the room. And no, you don’t have to wake up every day ready to “fix the system” by yourself. None of us do. But every aligned statement, every piece of evidence, every time you refuse to shrink — you’re not just protecting your seat. You’re reshaping the table. Now tell me: when was the last time you noticed credibility being assumed for someone else… and questioned for you? (And if this hit home: my DMs are open.)

When I was promoted into a new leadership role, I quickly learned that the hardest part of the transition wouldn’t be teaching all of he processes or “how-tos.” The hardest part can be helping your successor feel confident stepping into their own style of leadership vs copying what has always been done. Too often, we hand people binders of guides, when what they really need is coaching on mindset, strengths, and relationships when making leadership transitions. In my latest article for Fast Company, I outline key ways to set your successor up for success after you’ve been promoted: 1️⃣ Coach the Mindset, Not Just Skills Rather than simply teaching processes, affirm their unique leadership style and strengths. Ask questions like: “What strengths do you already bring?” 2️⃣ Identify & Leverage Transferable Strengths Don’t assume they start from scratch. Work with your successor to map how past successes align with new role expectations. 3️⃣ Offer Expertise Without Taking Over Act like a coach, not a fixer. Ask if they’re open to observations before giving feedback. This builds autonomy while still being supportive. 4️⃣ Start Early, Let Them Jump In Before You Step Out Transition periods aren’t just symbolic. Begin handing off responsibilities early—allow for small mistakes, offer guided support, then gradually step back. This approach boosts confidence and smooths the shift. 5️⃣ Map Relationships, Not Just Processes Help your successor create an “Influence Map” that distinguishes allies, neutral parties, and potential friction points. Guide them through relationship navigation, not just workflow hand‑over. I’d love to hear your best tips for coaching someone to take over a role to build their confidence!

The most underrated way to influence people at work: do it first. Early in my career, when I needed help, I’d ask like this: “I’m trying to do [X], but I’m not sure how. Can you help me?” But this is not a very productive approach. Now instead of asking someone to start from zero, I take a first stab myself, even when I’m not confident I’m doing it right. For example. If I’m working on a deal and need help determining the accounting gain or loss on a transaction, there are two ways to I can approach the technical accounting team. Version 1 “Hey, can you help me calculate the gain or loss on this?” Version 2 “Hey, I took a first stab at the gain/loss calculation based on my understanding. Can you help me sanity check this and fill in any gaps?” Version 2 almost always gets faster, better help. Why this works: → It shows respect for people’s time → It signals real thinking, not just delegation → It gives experts something concrete to react to → It shifts the dynamic from transactional to collaborative People are 10x more likely to help steer a moving car than push a stalled one. If you want to influence others, you have to be the one to put the car in drive. Even when your first attempt is imperfect, it creates momentum. Influence doesn’t always come from authority. Often, it comes from being willing to go first. #UnmutedMoments

𝗜𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗪𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 Most people think stakeholder buy-in happens in the boardroom. Or during a big meeting. But here’s the truth: 𝗕𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲. Influence isn’t built when you ask for it. It’s cultivated long before you ever need it. When I became the Chief Warrant Officer for the Cyber Branch, I learned this lesson fast. My success didn’t depend on my expertise or technical skills alone. It depended on understanding the people I needed to influence before I ever asked for their support. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲? Here are five strategies that work every time: 𝟭. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. Don’t just ask about work. Learn what drives them as people. What frustrates them? What are they trying to achieve? Build real connections. 𝟮. 𝗣𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲. Watch them in meetings. Do they rely on data? Relationships? Gut instinct? Knowing their decision-making style helps you speak their language. 𝟯. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗶𝗦𝗖. These assessments uncover key insights: communication styles, motivators, stressors. They’re not “soft skills”—they’re power tools. 𝟰. 𝗧𝗮𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗶𝗿𝗰𝗹𝗲. Build relationships with people they trust. Their team knows what makes them tick—and what sets them off. 𝟱. 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. Don’t wait until you need their support. Be consistent. Add value over time. Influence is built with trust, not transactions. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿? Because without influence, your ideas don’t get traction. Your vision doesn’t move forward. If you want to lead successfully—especially without formal authority—mastering this is non-negotiable. Want to learn how tools like Everything DiSC can help you? DM me—I’ve seen them transform relationships and results for leaders like you. What’s your best tip for earning stakeholder support? Share in the comments—I’m always looking for fresh insights!