Confidence as a Trainable Skill for Women

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

She wasn’t rejected for her skills. She was rejected because her English froze mid-sentence. Riya (name changed) was one of the brightest engineers in her batch. She could code complex systems, explain algorithms, and solve real-world problems. But in every interview, the same thing happened: She’d pause. Stumble. Lose words. And walk out convinced: “I’m not good enough because my English isn’t perfect.” The truth is: Recruiters don’t reject you for grammar. They reject you for the nervousness that takes over when you treat English as a test of intelligence. So here’s the 8-step system I built with her: 1️⃣ We switched from ‘perfect English’ to ‘clear English’. Your interview isn’t an IELTS exam. You don’t need Shakespeare. You need clarity. Instead of long, confusing sentences → we practiced short, direct ones. Example: ❌ “I am desirous of contributing in multifaceted capacities…” ✅ “I want to contribute by solving X and improving Y.” 2️⃣ We built her “answer bank” of 20 power phrases. Instead of memorizing the whole script, she had reusable building blocks. For instance: “One of my key strengths is…” “A challenge I overcame was…” “Here’s how I added value in my last role…” This gave her confidence anchors she could lean on anytime she froze. 3️⃣ We recorded her answers daily. Science shows self-review accelerates fluency by 40%. Listening back helped her fix hesitation and filler words. 4️⃣ We practiced mock interviews in Hinglish. Yes, half Hindi, half English. Because confidence comes before fluency. Once she nailed the answers in a mix, we gradually switched to full English. 5️⃣ We trained pauses as a strength. Silence feels scary in an interview, but it signals confidence. She learned to pause, breathe, and continue instead of rushing. 6️⃣ We expanded her vocabulary with “workplace words.” Not fancy jargon, but 50 words recruiters hear daily: “collaborated,” “resolved,” “delivered,” “improved.” The kind of words that show impact. 7️⃣ We focused on body language, not just words. A confident smile, steady tone, and eye contact make small mistakes invisible. Recruiters remember presence more than prepositions. 8️⃣ We rehearsed under pressure. I simulated real interview stress: timers, tough follow-ups, even deliberate interruptions. So the real interview felt easier than practice. The result? Riya went from 5 straight rejections… To landing her dream role at Infosys in her 7th interview. Not because she suddenly became “fluent.” But because she showed confidence, clarity, and ownership. 👉 If you know someone struggling with English in interviews, Repost this and help your friends land their dream job too. #interviewtips #englishspeaking #careercoaching #dreamjob #interviewcoach

 Overcoming The Confidence Gap “It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in a new skill, but it only takes a few days to shift a mindset.” This statement reflects the philosophy of Resonate Workshops, an organization that is trying to increase the leadership potential of women and girls in East Africa. Why do women feel less confident than men even when they are more qualified is a question that has come into sharp focus for me after interacting with leaders like Claire Uwineza, MBA who are trying to change the script. This is the so-called “confidence gap” between men and women and is exemplified by a study which showed that women only applied for a promotion when they believed they met 100% of the qualifications listed for the job, whereas men were happy to apply when they thought they met 60% of the job requirements. Studies have also shown that men overestimate their abilities while women underestimate them. (Suprise, surprise!) Resonate Workshops has been building women's leadership skills in Rwanda for a decade. In 2019, with the help of researchers at UC Berkeley, they partnered with CARE to test two different intervention approaches to increasing the leadership potential of women. Intervention A focused on Storytelling for Leadership with the goal of getting  participants to shift their mindsets and begin to see themselves as leaders. Participants identified values and developed stories about times when their actions reflected those values. Intervention B focused on Professional Development with  modules on goal setting, networking to seek out opportunities, and public speaking. Using an experimental approach, women were assigned to one of three groups: Intervention A, Intervention B and a third group, Intervention C, which was given cash (a more stringent test than a no-intervention control group). This enabled researchers to determine how the Intervention A and B would stack up against alternative use of workshop funds (a nice design!). The RCT found that storytelling improved psychosocial outcomes. Intervention A women were 67% more likely to speak up than Intervention C women (the cash control group) and 57% more likely to speak up thanIntervention B women (professional development). However, the storytelling intervention had no significant effect on women's economic outcomes. The professional development group helped women achieve their goals and increased their monthly income. However, being in the professional development group had no significant impact on psychosocial outcomes. Based on this, Resonate Workshops developed a hybrid model that includes storytelling as well as professional development. Both an increase in confidence and in skills is the sweet spot. In behavioral terms, both motivation and ability need to increase for women to feel confident and do better economically. Fascinating results! #professionaldevelopment #storytelling #confidence #ability #motivation

The Quietest Leadership Skill No One Talks About Most of us think confidence is something we earn through achievement, feedback, or recognition. But after years of leading teams, presenting in boardrooms, and navigating tough conversations, I’ve realized confidence starts long before anyone else is watching. It begins in the quiet moments—getting dressed for the day, preparing for a meeting, driving in silence. It begins with how we talk to ourselves. Self-talk is one of the most underdeveloped leadership muscles, especially for women. We’re often harder on ourselves than any boss, client, or investor could ever be. We focus on how we’re perceived before we’ve even stepped into the room. If we’re not intentional in those small internal moments—reminding ourselves of our capability, our preparation, and our value—we can walk into spaces already feeling “less than.” The truth? Presence doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from alignment. It comes from managing your mindset with the same discipline you apply to your work. Your inner voice is the most influential leader you’ll ever follow. Make sure it’s someone worth listening to.

Most high-achieving women aren’t underqualified. They’re under-confident.(And it’s costing them opportunities they’re already capable of.) This is why mindset is one of the most overlooked — and most important — parts of career change. We pour endless energy into strategy: the polished resume, the airtight story, the networking plan, the target roles. But the truth is: Knowing what you want is only half the work.The other half is your mindset. Because you can have the perfect strategy… but if your confidence is shaky, everything feels harder, slower, and more discouraging than it needs to be. When I say “mindset,” I’m not talking about journaling for an hour or meditating at sunrise. I’m talking about something much simpler: Self-belief. Emotional steadiness. Resilience. The ability to ride the highs and lows without losing yourself. After coaching 110+ high-achieving women through career transitions, here are the 5 core mindsets that keep them grounded, confident, and resilient — no matter what they’re navigating: 1. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮. Rejection feels personal — but usually it isn’t. There are always complexities you can’t see. When your confidence dips, ask yourself: “What are all the reasons this didn’t happen that have nothing to do with my performance?” 2. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬 — 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨. High performers often think in all-or-nothing terms: “I get this job or I've failed.” But life isn't just about binaries. So ask yourself: “What are 20 other positive ways this could go?” 3. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚�� 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬. Mindset isn’t magic. It’s repetition. Catch a negative thought → redirect it. Again and again. Ask yourself: “What’s a more empowering thought I can choose right now?” 4. 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. A rough week is a data point, not a destiny. Zoom out and your overall career trajectory tells a much different story — one of growth, strength and upward movement. Ask yourself: “What’s the trend vs. what’s just today?” 5. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲. Facts are neutral. The meaning you give them is what shapes your confidence. Say attention to your inputs: are they fueling self-belief… or eroding it? Ask yourself: “Which facts and sources are actually helpful for me right now?” -- These five mindsets won’t eliminate the ups and downs of a career change (nothing will). But they will change how you respond to them — which changes everything. Try choosing one this week. Notice what shifts. You’ve got this. 🫶

Women don’t take enough credit for their work. Yesterday, I had a conversation with one of my coaching clients that struck a nerve. She’s a Global Product Line Manager overseeing the growth strategy, vision, and direction of a $2B product line for a large Fortune 500 company. By all accounts, her impact is immense. But here’s the problem: because she doesn’t directly own P&L, she saw herself as being in a “support” role — not a decision-making one. This mindset has quietly sabotaged her for years. She hesitated to own the impact of her work, downplayed her contributions, and, as a result, minimized her role during interviews for leadership roles. This is a common pattern I see with many of my incoming female clients. We have been conditioned for decades to put our heads down, work hard, and only take credit for the direct work we do. We feel guilty for taking credit for the larger organizational impact because wasn't this “team effort"? But the hard truth is, if you don’t advocate for your own impact, no one else will. Inside THE FEARLESS HIRE, my signature career accelerator program, we work on breaking this self-sabotaging cycle so women leaders can show up confidently, own their value, and close high-paying leadership roles. Here are three strategies that help our clients authentically self-promote and 10X their confidence: 1. Reframe Your Role as “Strategic” Even if our clients don’t directly own the P&L, their work drives key business outcomes. The strategies they implement, the vision they shape, and the results they deliver are all part of the decision-making process. Through coaching, our clients learn to reframe their contributions in terms of the strategic outcomes they enable, so they can stop seeing themselves in support roles and start seeing themselves in decision-making ones. 2. Start with Facts, Not Feelings It’s easy to diminish the impact of our work when we approach our career through a lens of self-doubt. Instead, our clients learn to anchor themselves in facts. What are the measurable outcomes of their work? What specific problems have they solved? How can they quantify their contributions with numbers and metrics, like revenue growth, cost savings, or team performance improvements? Facts don’t lie, and become the cornerstone of increased self-confidence. 3. Learn the Art of Storytelling Facts are critical, but they need to be packaged in a compelling way. Our clients develop concise, engaging stories about their key achievements using my SOARR storytelling framework, focussing on the challenges they overcame, the decisions they made, and the results they delivered. These stories are powerful tools for interviews and executive conversations—they help you stand out and stay memorable. Taking credit for your work isn’t arrogance - that's real leadership. When you own your impact, you not only position yourself for high-impact roles, but you also inspire the next generation of women leaders to do the same. Agree?

It's fascinating how often the topic of confidence arises in my coaching sessions, no matter who I'm working with. Lawyers, executives, powerful women leaders, it still comes up. I have always defaulted to "The Confidence Code" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman on this topic, and their findings on the gender confidence gap are just as much true now as ever. The tendency for women to underestimate their abilities while men often overestimate theirs, coupled with workplace evaluation biases, has a significant impact. We see these actions and internalize the differences. So then, it becomes hard to believe confidence is a 𝗦𝗞𝗜𝗟𝗟, not a born feature, cultivated through practice – by acting your way into feeling more confident. This week, I'm sharing a few "Confidence Boosters" inspired by these insights:  𝟭. 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: The Confidence Code emphasizes that confident individuals aren't necessarily perfect, but they are willing to act despite their fears and potential for mistakes. They understand that action often precedes confidence. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Stop waiting for the "perfect" moment or feeling completely ready. Identify one small step you can take towards a goal you've been putting off. Even imperfect action builds momentum because you are being intentional about what you want to do and why.      𝟮. 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰: Our internal dialogue plays a significant role in shaping our confidence. Negative self-talk can be a major confidence killer. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Pay attention to your thoughts. When you notice negative or self-deprecating statements, challenge them. Ask yourself: Is this thought 100% true? Can you be absolutely certain that it is? Recognize and acknowledge your feelings, but instead of agreeing with them or fighting with them, get curious about where they might have come from and nurture yourself onwards.     𝟯. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: The pursuit of unattainable perfection can lead to paralysis and self-criticism. Confidence grows from acknowledging and celebrating small victories and learning from setbacks. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽: Shift your focus from achieving a flawless outcome to recognizing the effort you put in and the progress you make. Celebrate your small wins and view mistakes as learning opportunities. My first question when I've tried something that didn't go to plan, what did I learn? We are always learning.    Do you have any other practices to embody and embrace confidence? I would love to hear them!

Telling people to “fake it until you make it” is bad advice. 🤦🏾♀️ I feel like this outdated phrase is used to encourage someone to 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 to be confident until they actually become confident. ⚠️ YOU CAN'T FAKE CONFIDENCE. YOU HAVE TO BUILD IT. Acting like you trust your abilities (when you really don't) will only take you so far. Try doing this instead: 1️⃣ Ask for (& use) feedback Most women avoid feedback because it feels like judgment, but strategic feedback accelerates confidence. Ask trusted colleagues or mentors: “What’s one thing you think I do well and one thing I could strengthen?” 👉🏾 Quality feedback builds clarity, and clarity builds confidence. 2️⃣ Create an environment that breeds confidence. Curate small things that influence how you show up: your morning routine, the clothes that make you feel like a leader, the boundaries to protect your peace. 👉🏾 Your environment can reinforce confidence even on days you’re not feeling it. 3️⃣ Always remind yourself of your past wins. Our brains often default to what’s wrong, not what has worked. Document the times you handled something well, solved a problem, or navigated a challenge with grace. Review it often. 👉🏾 Confidence grows when your brain has proof you can do hard things. What else? What tips do you have for building confidence as a professional woman? Let's discuss in the comments. ⬇️ #confidence #professionalwomen #leadership #executivepresence

Five years deep in self-doubt research taught me that confidence is far more trainable than people think. Here’s the science in 50 seconds. 1. Confidence is built, not born
Beliefs about ability change through experience. (see Dweck’s growth mindset research, social cognitive theory, and Kuhl’s action orientation research) 2. Mastery is the strongest fuel
Past successes build belief, especially when earned through effort. (see Bandura’s work on self-efficacy & mastery experiences) 3. Modelling matters
Seeing similar others succeed expands what you believe is possible. (see the research on vicarious experience; social cognitive theory) 4. Words shape belief
Encouragement and feedback influence perceived capability. (see work on verbal persuasion and the pygmalian/golem effects) 5. Confidence is contagious
Your social environment shapes what feels possible. (see the research on social and emotional contagion ) 6. Your body affects your mind, and your mind affects your body
How you interpret stress changes confidence and performance. (see the transational stress model, Jamieson et al.’s wok on stress reappraisal, and cognitive behavioral research) 7. Self-trust compounds
We infer identity from repeated behavior. (see self-consistency theory, self-perception theory, and temporal self-appraisal) In 50+ years of research, there’s one overarching truth:
Confidence grows through action. Save this for the days you forget confidence is trainable 💛 And if you want help to train your own confidence, my book BIG TRUST is exactly that. I share 29 evidence-based tools to help you train the very attributes that allow you to back yourself when it counts. Actionable, practical, powerful. You can get it (at most places) where books, ebooks, and audiobooks are sold. P.S. Which one of these 7 is most relevant for you?

Women learn to speak with less confidence. Here's how to change that: Young girls are taught to: - Speak softly. - Be diplomatic. - Keep the peace. This can make you seem "too nice". Or not assertive enough. Worse: you over-correct & become “too aggressive”. Here are 3 research-backed insights into WHY women are perceived as less confident (and how you can change that): 1. Women internalize blame more. Men say: "There's something wrong with my project." Women say: "There is something wrong with me." → Why it matters: Finding faults in yourself damages self-perception. → What to do instead: Question where the fault lies.  It’s easier to fix a project than a person. 2. Women tend to use more self-deprecating humor. → Why it matters: Excessive self-deprecation makes others take you less seriously. → What to do instead: Mix up the types of humor you use. 3. Women express their vision more “realistically”. Men tend to share more ambitious, grandiose visions. Women tend to share more realistic, achievable ones. → Why it matters: Women could be seen as being less "visionary" because of the hesitation to verbalize big goals. → What to do instead: Don’t let the desire for being realistic dilute the strength of your vision. The idea isn't to start speaking like men. The idea is to recognize your own strength. You deserve to speak as your most confident self in any room. P.S. Ever notice a speech pattern in yourself?