Rejection as Reflection

As the newest season of The Amazing Race launched in March, my hubby and I had to confront the sad fact that we had not, in fact, made it onto the show.

Yes, we created a natural-banter-but-likely-totally-corny video to pitch ourselves to the producers of CBS's The Amazing Race for a chance to race around the world in matching tees with other hopeful adventurers.

Alas—the "older" couple cast has eight kids, so I don't think we stood a chance.

But damn if we won't try again. And no, it is not lost on me that my combined courses on Pitching for LinkedIn Learning have almost 3 million views. Apparently, the cobbler has no shoes.

I've also been rejected from a lot of conferences this year and in years past, with SHRM, ATD, LMA, Forbes Women, and SXSW among the ones I can think of off the top of my head. (I've made it in sometimes, to varying degrees from year to year, but I'm batting well south of 1000.)

Let's see, what else have I been rejected from? Client gigs, volunteer opportunities, fundraising grants, strategic partnerships with big names you'd recognize who always say, "We love what you're doing, but it's not the right time," or some version thereof.

Which is to say nothing of being rejected from Harvard Business School 20+ years ago and crashing and burning during the final round interviews at both Bain and McKinsey shortly thereafter.

And here's the truth. I'm probably not getting rejected enough.

Late last year, at the Kellogg Women's Summit, I listened to (and posted about) the incomparable Vicki Medvec speak about negotiation and why we should all be hearing "no" more often. If we're not getting to "no" regularly, we're not asking for enough, not aiming high enough. We're not challenging ourselves, pushing boundaries, grasping at the outer reaches of what we are capable of.

To be fair, The Amazing Race feels like a pretty big reach for me.

But the beauty of rejection — of failure — is that you tried. You put yourself out there. You went after some big hairy audacious goal. If we never fail, if we never get rejected, we're probably sitting far too deeply in our comfort zone (couch) and not getting up or out enough.

So, if you're feeling down and out because you just got dinged from:

• A job interview
• A new role or opportunity
• A promotion conversation
• Your top choice [insert here: sports team/university/company/board role/leadership position, etc.]

Know that you are not alone.

JK Rowling was rejected by 12+ publishers while she famously lived in her car and conceived the first-ever book, movie, and merch franchise that would bank a billion dollars.

Instead of wallowing in rejection's pain (or shame), try on the idea of rejection as growth. Rejection as fuel. Rejection as reflection.

Learn from the experience and make a decision. Do you keep going after your dream job/company/role/university/team and figure out what you need to do to make something happen next time around?

Or do you pivot and find a new goal worthy of your attention, intellect, and energy?

It's tough medicine, for sure, and it's not easy. We are allowed to feel sorry for ourselves, lick our wounds, mourn our losses, and throw ourselves a pity party.

For like a day. Or two or three. Even a month, maybe.

And then, you've got to get up, change the color of your tee, press record, tussle your hubby's hair, and try to look cute and adorable and charming and compelling and get those goddamn CBS producers to say, OMG we need that couple on our show…