One in Three

Many, many moons ago, before the COVID apocalypse and Trump, even before #MeToo, we had the ‘shitty media men’ list. It was a Google spreadsheet that quickly went viral among women’s networks - and was just as quickly shut down - naming names and facilitating quick professional transitions for many gross middle-aged men who still liked to chase women around their offices and abuse the interns. It was the progenitor of the era we’re shakily returning to - the one where women’s rights are at the forefront of the national discourse. And even now, the scale of the problem is insurmountable. 

In my career, I have met only one woman who reported that she’s never experienced sexual assault. One. And I somehow doubt she believed herself when she said it. For context, according to a new World Health Organization report, nearly one in three women experience sexual *violence.* Not just catcalling in the street or an offhand comment or a bra snap. Actual violence. 

They went on to say that the data gathered from 161 countries and areas between 2000 and 2018 from women aged 15 and up paints a "horrifying picture.” The WHO's director-general said there's concern that the pandemic has made matters even worse.

Meanwhile, the surging domestic violence that happens indoors and out of sight has become known as the “shadow pandemic,” trapping girls and women at home with the men who abuse them. For one in four women who have been in a relationship, abuse starts by age 19. 

These are some chilling figures, particularly for women and girls who aren’t able to escape their homes or their abusers. And it’s striking to read as someone for whom staying home is a refuge from potential abuse.

Personally, I live alone in Brooklyn, and I’ve spent the past year as far out of harm’s way as I’ve been in my entire professional life.

Usually, I spend 50-75% of my time on the road, in natural proximity to men—badly-behaved, well-mannered and those in between— at the 25-30 conferences I attend each year. I love men as a genre, but as we face a world on the verge of opening up, I feel existential dread about returning to work and its naturally accompanying level of risk. 

Recalling friends’ and acquaintances’ anecdotes from years past, there was the elevator-skirt-grope in Miami 2019; the roofie & rape in Austin circa 2011; several work-setting hand-on-the-leg incidents between 2012-2014; and I can’t shake the idea of the 'shove into closet and lock the door' evening.

It doesn't matter how attractive, how old or how anything else we are. Likelihood is that we will, in some way, be abused. I fear particularly for women under 30 who haven't learned what could—may— happen to them.

This year, much bad behavior has loosely been confined to the digital space, which is both a nuisance and a blessing. You can always turn the internet / phone / harassment device off. It's hard to do that in real life, no matter how strong your personality — or your muscles.

One in three women has experienced sexual violence. Imagine if we didn't have to spend emotional energy guarding our bodies and minds.

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