Got a minute?
Before I started my own business I spent a lot of time in male-dominated sports and companies. Surprisingly, I never had one of "those moments" until I came to Sydney and worked in the PR industry.
My male manager one day looked me up and down saying, "Mmmm, you look nice!"
I remember my mind going blank as I tried to figure out if I imagined it or not, then didn't know what to say or do. I just walked away and got on with things. But I noticed feeling confused and just that much smaller.
According to aware.org's study of 500 people in 92 countries, 54% had experienced some form of sexual harassment. A more recent study in the US showed that 88% of women reported being harassed. The Australian Human Rights commission found that 1 in 4 women reported being harassed. Actually, many more incidents go unreported.
Most of the incidents happen at the senior level, which results in a serious financial impact on companies, not just in terms of lost productivity, but loss of talent and the rising amounts awarded in lawsuits. Keep in mind Fox News reported $45 million payouts to settle harassment claims.
As much of a problem as sexual harassment is, it's the small moments that I believe are more damaging. They're often too ambiguous to be called harassment, but leave women feeling undermined, confused, uncomfortable and disempowered.
In the moment it happens, it can be such a shock that it catches you off guard. Your brain freezes as your mind goes blank. You then don't know what to say or do, so may stand there wide-eyed and slack-jawed looking none-too intelligent.
It's only later when you're past the moment that your brain comes back online. With it comes the self-recrimination and the, "I should have's".
No one wants to say anything because we don't want to be seen as making trouble over nothing. So we say nothing and it then becomes an unintentional weapon that keeps women silenced and minimized.
These micro-moments are often small asides, little comments or a misstatement said ignorantly or unconsciously and without malice.
But, there's nothing in most companies to handle this kind of issue outside of a formal complaint. That unfortunately has big implications and makes it more of an issue than it really is. Often these micro-moments don't actually warrant a complaint, they merit education and being in communication.
Got a minute?
What if there was a structure in your company that made it safe for someone to ask the other person, "Got a minute?" and in a cone of silence let them know how that moment impacted them.
They'd probably need someone from outside the company who's trained as a coach to moderate the situation to keep it constructive and positive. I'd suggest that HR not get involved so it doesn't become a thing. That's what keeps women silent to begin with.
I'd keep the structure really simple and start with both parties agreeing to keep the conversation confidential and constructive, and to listen to one another. That whatever they discussed stayed in the room and that both would follow the lead of the moderator who would run the conversation. That moderator might also first talk to one or both parties separately in case emotions are running high.
Then, educate versus demonize, be in constructive communication to resolve the issue and listen. Let women (and men) be heard so the situation can be resolved and people can move forward.
I'd be willing to bet that most times the perpetrator acted unconsciously with no awareness of the effect and probably would be open to understanding the other person and changing their behavior. In the few times they aren't the moderator can make a call as to whether more formal action is needed.
Got a Minute? is a great opportunity to bring men and women together in a very real way that also supports greater diversity in the workplace. The more opportunities for conversations to resolve the myriad of micro-moments that separate and isolate people, the more we'll find it easier for men and women to include each other.
While I'm writing in the context of gender discrimination, Got a Minute? can be applied anywhere there's micro-moments and misunderstanding.
There's never been a safer time for people to fully be and express themselves. At the same time, it's jarring and often scary for people who don't know how to react to them or communicate with people who may be radically different to what they're used to. There's bound to be mistakes. Yes, there will also be blatant and deliberate discrimination and that needs to be dealt with as well.
I know it needs more conversation and development to bring this online, but, to begin with, let's open up some dialogue. Got a minute?