Feedback: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Giving feedback is TOUGH for many of us. It feels so daunting to have to give constructive criticism to people we know. It makes us feel mean; like we are hurting someone, even though we know we are only trying to help them improve. But, it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. In order to overcome my own fear of giving feedback, I started researching the topic and came across a philosophy-shifting metaphor that completely flipped the script for me. Changing my perspective with this metaphor has made giving feedback feel more natural, and I’ve noticed a huge impact on the people to whom I provide feedback.
Instead of dreading giving feedback, I started to think of it as giving a gift. I learned about this approach from a fantastic article by Philip Friedrich. I likened each step of giving feedback to that of giving someone a present. For instance, when I go shopping to buy a present for someone, I plan to have fun with it! I get excited for her to open the gift, and enjoy what is inside. Try to adopt the same mindset entering your next opportunity to provide feedback.
I try to pick out gifts that match someone’s personality. Think of feedback in the same way! Use words and tone that are a unique match with the receiver’s temperament. When I’m giving a present I don’t beat around the bush! I want them to have it and enjoy it right away. Treat giving constructive criticism in the same fashion: be direct. And lastly, giving a gift is ultimately lighthearted. It’s something we do to benefit someone we care about, but it isn’t a huge ordeal. Have the same mindset when you are delivering feedback.
My hope is that this new mental approach can help you get over that psychological block of feeling mean when giving feedback. But mentally preparing is only half the battle – we also need to formulate WHAT we plan to say. If you’d like to learn this and more about delivering feedback, check out my Communication Tips Weekly course on LinkedIn Learning!
Giving feedback is so important. Maybe somewhat surprisingly, many leaders are reluctant to give feedback for the reason you mention. I tell my team that if you care about someone, you will give them feedback. This is consistent with your theme of feedback as a gift. I like it!
The gift that keeps on giving, and in this case, it may be politically correct to say it is even better to receive it - as expressed by Matt Schmitz - by first responding with a thank you. [That is, assuming the feedback is intended to help you improve, not to hurt or belittle you. In the latter case, respond as well with a thank you - if you can muster it - and then forget about it!
Enjoyed this article. I was told once by a great leader: When you find yourself on the receiving end of feedback, your first response should be “Thank you.”