The Art of Small Talk

I visited some elderly family friends in rural Iowa recently. We sat at a Mom and Pop diner eating and visiting for an hour or two. The place was packed and the buzz of conversation and laughter filled the space. I realized at some point that Not ONE person had out a phone. The art of conversation is still alive and well (in some corners!) But as Dr. Nach and many others have pointed out, social media is wreaking havoc with our interpersonal skills.  

Imagine that you’ve been sent to a huge regional conference for work. You don’t know anyone there, but realize it will be an opportunity to make a lot of great connections. Your ability to make small talk will have a large impact on how well you are able to forge new relationships. I’ve got three simple tips that will make it easier to have small talk at a conference, at the water cooler, or anywhere in between regardless of how many hours you log on Facebook!

First, introduce yourself! It may sound simple, but it’s an easy way to begin a conversation no matter how shy you might be. Anyone can say, “Hi, I’m Brenda! What’s your name?” Small talk initiated!

Next, use context comments sparingly. A context comment is a topic related to the immediate situation or environment: “Weather sure has been great lately,” or, “How much longer do we have to wait for the speaker to start?” Context conversational starters like these break the ice, but you will quickly realize that they don’t generate any meaningful conversation. Superficial topics like these will fizzle out quickly, and make it harder to keep the conversation going.

So what do you say when the 30 seconds of ice breaker-generated conversation grinds to a halt?  Introduce  topics of greater depth. Ask people questions about themselves. Everyone is a subject matter expert on themselves, and you will find it is much easier to get people talking about their own life than the most recent weather update. “How did you get started with your company?” or, “What do you do in your role?”

So, if you find yourself struggling to make small talk, consider these three tips: 1) introduce yourself, 2) break the ice with context comments, but don’t rely on superficial chatter and 3) ask questions. If you’d like even more insights on how to make better small talk, check out our Weekly Communication Tips on LinkedIn Learning!