Embracing Weird

I’m planning for what’s next.

It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t trying to cram more action — work, play, socialization, learning — into every fleeting minute of my life. It’s a habit I developed early in life and frankly, I thrive on being busy. I don’t think I’m a workaholic. But I am an extrovert — so I get energy from being with interesting people. And I was raised with a midwestern sense of responsibility, so whatever I take on, I see through to the finish. And since I don’t like to say no (or don’t like FOMO?) I tend to maintain a pretty tight schedule 365 days a year.

I suppose that’s why the people who know me best keep asking what I plan to do when I officially retire from Freeman this summer. And here’s my answer:

I am taking a gap year. (Thank you, Sue Sung, for calling that to my attention!)

The truth is my instincts are to jump into all the things I’ve been wanting to do but didn’t have time for: take on a new board assignment; write another book; consult with foundering startups to get them on a path to success; develop a reading program to devour the stacks of books waiting for me in my office… you get the idea.

But that’s not what I’m going to do. Not right away.

Because overbooking myself is a 40-year habit I’m trying to shake. Instead I’m going to focus on slowing down — as uncomfortable as I know that will be. Before I jump into any long-term commitments, I want to practice stillness. Or at least, living in the moment.

I’ve been trying to work on myself. One of the things I learned is that I tend to carry a mental agenda into the most basic human interactions. Or at least, that’s what it feels like to friends and family who love me enough to be honest. The result is that even the simplest conversations (“Good morning, how are you today?”) come across as having a subtext (“What do I need to fix here?”). I need to let go of that — to be present and just enjoy the moment.

I want to wake up and enjoy breakfast with my wife at our local cafe. I want to take a walk just because the weather is nice and the dogs are good company. I want to take time to listen to every podcast link my daughters send me. I want to call up some old friends I haven’t seen in way too long and reconnect. I want to do whatever I feel like without feeling like I should be doing something else.

I have embraced a career that is fascinating, energizing, stimulating, and physically exhausting. I love it. It will feel weird stepping off the juggernaut. But weird has always been a good place for personal growth. I hope I have the discipline to make it work for me.

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