Putin persecutes homosexuals in his own country, then goes and enters another country through the back door.
Very mixed messages from Russia.
I’ve decided to call my new dog ‘5 miles’
So I can tell everyone I walk 5 miles every day.
Hotel California - Spanish Version
I said to my girlfriend, “Please get me a newspaper.”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”
That spider never knew what fucking hit it.
A guy with a gun enters a bar.
“Who the fuck had sex with my wife?” he snarled.
A voice was heard in the background, “You don’t have enough bullets, mate!”
I knocked on my neighbours door and said, “My son was just about to cut the grass but he can’t seem to operate the lawnmower properly, could I borrow yours?”
“Yeah, sure” he replied.
I said, “Great, tell him to hurry up, I’ve got friends coming round for a barbecue in an hour.”
I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night.
He told me to fuck off and buy my own.
Carrol has currently cost Liverpool around £5.8 million a goal.
But, I suppose they got the better half of the deal considering Torres has cost Chelsea £12.5 million a goal…