Maintaining Composure Under Pressure

“That’s total BS!” How to keep your cool when criticized in a meeting. “That’s utter nonsense,” my colleague said in a meeting during my time at easyJet – the UK equivalent of ‘you suck.’ As much as I wanted to hit back, I knew it wasn’t the smart thing to do, so I bit my tongue and said nothing - not my proudest day. Today I know there are better ways, and I teach them in my communications coachings for leaders. These 7 are my favs: 1/ 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲) ↳ “I hear you – we could have done better, and we are working on it.” ↳ This disarms the critic and takes the wind out of their sails. 2/ 𝐏𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 (𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞) ↳ “That’s one way to see it. Here’s another.” ↳ Calm confidence beats emotional defensiveness. 3/ 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐚 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ↳ “Could you give me an example?” ↳ Invite feedback. You take control and appear curious. 4/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐀𝐁𝐂” 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 ↳ Answer briefly. Bridge to your key message. Communicate what really matters. ↳ “That’s fair, but what matters more is this…“ 5/ 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐭 ↳ “Cost is important, but let’s look at the impact…” ↳ Use tough feedback as a spotlight for your core message. 6/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 ↳ “Thank you, I will take it into consideration.” ↳ If it hurts, it may reveal an insight. Focus on what’s useful, not what’s hurtful. 7/ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ↳ Don’t take it personal – because it isn’t. See the bigger picture and keep your cool. You 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐲. But you do control how you respond. - - - - ♻️ Repost to help others, too. And follow Oliver Aust for more on leadership communications. ♟️ Want to become a top 1% communicator? Reach out here: https://lnkd.in/dc-TBhZU

How to stay calm when selling. Four guiding principles. 1. Observe your thoughts. Imagine making cold calls from the privacy of your home. Now imagine making cold calls in front of your entire company. Do you see how your thoughts create anxiety even though the situation is the same? Your thoughts or the story you tell yourself makes the situation feel pressurizing. Why? Your thoughts affect how you feel. Tell yourself it’s pressure, and you’ll feel pressured, fearful, threatened, and anxious. You’ll have a mindset of stepping down. You’ll feel small. Tell yourself that public cold calling is a challenge, and you’ll feel like it’s a growth opportunity. You’ll have a mind of stepping up. You’ll feel big. 2. Let reality be reality. My wife got angry because she was stuck in traffic. Traffic doesn’t create anger. Not accepting that traffic is the nature of driving does. It’s the same with selling. The more you resist rude prospects, ghosting, losing deals, and objections, the more you feel angry and frustrated. The root cause? Expectations. You believe that what’s happening isn’t happening the way it should be. Accept other people’s reality. Don’t expect situations to happen as you want them to; instead, let what happens the way it happens. Detach from the outcome. Accept the reality of sales. 3. Practice makes permanent. You get better at what you practice, whether positive or negative. Practice mindfulness daily, and in a few months, a level 5 problem will feel like a level 1 problem. Read this post and don’t practice, and a level 1 problem will feel like a level 5 problem. I do over IQ. 4. Slow down. Pause for two beats before responding. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi: When you slow down you calm down. There’s power in the pause.

Staying in a “good mood” isn’t the point. Staying composed is. In moments of pressure, leaders don’t earn trust by being upbeat. They earn it by being steady. When stress rises, people stop listening to explanations. They start reading signals. Your tone. Your pace. Your presence. I’ve seen reputations damaged not by bad decisions but by how pressure showed up in a leader’s voice. Composure isn’t emotional detachment. It’s emotional discipline. It’s the ability to remain clear when others are reacting. That steadiness doesn’t just calm the room. It restores credibility. In a crisis, your emotional control becomes public leadership. Follow for weekly insights on leadership, reputation, and crisis communication.

I’ll never forget this moment. A Sales VP — sharp suit, polished slides, years of experience — walked into a high-stakes pitch. The kind of meeting where you can feel your heartbeat in your throat. The client sat across the table. A long wooden table that suddenly felt too wide, too cold. He leaned back. Arms folded tightly, like a shield. His eyes didn’t meet the VP’s. They wandered across the room, occasionally landing on the watch on his wrist. His fingers drummed softly against the table — tap, tap, tap — the sound of disconnection. The VP didn’t notice. Or maybe he did, but brushed it off. He clicked to the next slide, voice firm: “Let me show you how this solution will change your numbers.” But the client’s silence was louder than the pitch. He tilted his head slightly, lips pressed into a thin line. Inside his mind, an invisible wall had gone up. When the meeting ended, the VP thought he had done “enough.” But the client’s words hit harder than any objection: “He didn’t listen. He only sold.” That one sentence cut deeper than a lost deal. Because it wasn’t about the product. It was about presence. ⸻ Weeks later, in our training, we unpacked that moment piece by piece. I asked the VP: ✨ “What did the room feel like?” He paused. “Heavy. Like I was talking into a void.” ✨ “What did you see?” He thought again. “Arms folded. Eyes drifting. But I thought I could win him with data.” ✨ “What did you hear?” “Silence,” he admitted. “But I mistook it for listening. It was actually disengagement.” That’s when the truth landed. He had been selling to the client’s ears — but not to his heart. We practiced something different. Not just pitching. But noticing. Noticing the breath, the posture, the micro-expressions. Noticing when someone is leaning in — or leaning away. Noticing when silence is interest… and when it’s resistance. ⸻ A month later, he walked into another meeting with the same client. This time, no slides first. He asked a question. He paused. He listened. The client leaned forward, arms open on the table, voice softer: “Now you’re listening. Yes.” That deal wasn’t won by data. It was won by presence. People decide with emotions first, logic second. Body language speaks before words. And sometimes, the loudest “No” is not spoken. It’s folded in arms, hidden in silence, carved in the space between two people. #bodylangauge #communicationskills

Let me say this clearly. Most leadership problems don’t start with strategy. They don’t start with people. They start when a leader doesn’t know how to lead themselves. I’ve seen this play out in real environments.  Meetings, teams, senior rooms. You go through a day. Some things go well. Some don’t. Sometimes nothing happens at all. But there’s always one constant. 𝗬𝗼𝘂. And when you’re not aware of what’s happening inside you, that’s when things quietly start to break. I break leadership down into three very practical things that actually show up at work. 1) 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 Great leaders know their triggers. They notice when they’re stressed. When they’re irritated. When they’re not in their best state. Because if you walk into a meeting upset and don’t realise it, you’ll fixate on one small issue and miss the real effort your team just made. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵. 2) 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 This is where people overcorrect. They try to change everything at once. They go extreme. And then they quit. Leadership doesn’t work like that. It’s five minutes of reflection after a meeting. Ten minutes before bed. One habit you can actually repeat. 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺. 3) 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 And no, this isn’t soft. If you don’t manage your energy, you’ll leak pressure onto your team and carry it home with you. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺. 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵. If you’re early in your career, this is how you build credibility before the title. If you’re stepping into a bigger responsibility, this is how you stay steady under pressure. Self-leadership isn’t a big moment. It’s small decisions, repeated daily. And honestly, it might be the reminder you didn’t know you needed.

The leadership decision that changed everything for me? Learning to pause before deciding. Research shows leaders make up to 35,000 decisions daily. Your brain wasn't designed for this volume. But it can be trained. I see this especially with women leaders - pressured to decide quickly to prove competence. The cost? McKinsey found executives waste 37% of resources on poor choices made under pressure. When I work with senior women leaders, we start with one truth: Your brain on autopilot isn't your best leadership asset. Here's what happens when you bring mindfulness to your decisions: 1. Mental Noise Quiets Down → The constant chatter in your head calms → You hear yourself think clearly → The signals that matter become obvious → One healthcare executive told me: "I finally stopped second-guessing every choice" 2. Emotional Wisdom Grows → You notice feelings without being controlled by them → You respond rather than react → Your decisions come from clarity, not fear → A tech leader in our program reported: "I stopped making decisions from a place of proving myself" 3. Intuition Becomes Reliable → Your body's wisdom becomes accessible → You detect subtle signals others miss → Research shows mindful leaders make 29% more accurate intuitive judgments → A finance VP shared: "I can now tell the difference between fear and genuine caution" 4. Stress No Longer Drives Choices → Pressure doesn't cloud your thinking → You stay composed when stakes are high → Your team feels your steadiness → As one client put it: "My team now brings me real issues, not sanitized versions" Have you noticed how your best decisions rarely come when you're rushed or pressured? The women I coach aren't learning to decide slowly. They're learning to decide consciously. Try these practices: 1. Before high-stakes meetings, take three conscious breaths 2. Create a "decision journal" noting your state of mind when deciding 3. Schedule 10 minutes of quiet reflection before making important choices Your greatest leadership asset isn't your strategy. It's the quality of your presence in the moment of choice. What important decision are you facing that deserves your full presence? 📚 Explore practical decision frameworks in my book - The Conscious Choice 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor for more research-backed wisdom on leading consciously �� DM me to learn how our leadership programs help women leaders make conscious choices that transform their impact

Your nervous system decides how you show up before you walk into the room. Most leaders prepare what they'll say. Few prepare how their brain will respond. A Managing Director I worked with was well-liked and approachable. But his team started feeling distant. Disconnected. Like he didn't care anymore. He did care. Deeply. But chronic stress had pushed his nervous system into threat mode. Before every meeting, his chest would tighten and his breathing would shallow. His brain was already defending before anyone spoke. We built a simple reset practice. Three minutes before team interactions. These are the techniques that made the difference: 1/ The physiological sigh Two quick inhales through your nose, one long exhale through your mouth. The fastest way to reduce stress in real-time. Works in 30 seconds. 2/ Cold water on your face Activates the dive reflex, slows your heart rate, shifts your system toward calm instantly. 3/ Progressive muscle relaxation Clench your fists for five seconds. Release. Move to your shoulders. Then your jaw. Tension and release signals your nervous system that the threat has passed. 4/ Grounding through your senses Press your feet into the floor. Name five things you can see. This activates your thinking brain, which quiets the threat center. 5/ Humming or vocal toning Activates your vagus nerve, which is the main pathway to your body's relaxation response. Even 60 seconds shifts your state. 6/ Slow orienting Turn your head slowly and scan the room. This ancient signal tells your brainstem: no predators here. You're safe. Within weeks, his team noticed he was present again. Listening. Engaged. Not because he learned new techniques. Because his nervous system finally stopped blocking what was already there. Your nervous system doesn't respond to logic. It responds to signals. Which of these could you try before your next high-stakes conversation?

In healthcare—and in life—good intentions aren’t enough. A group of seminary students prepares to give talks on compassion—some on the Good Samaritan. On their way to the lecture hall, they pass someone in visible distress. Surely, their moral training would guide them to stop. Right? The study found something unsettling: If they were in a hurry, they were far less likely to help—regardless of how much they valued compassion. This reveals something profound. Context shapes behavior—not in a rigid way, but enough to influence whether we respond with empathy or walk by. Now think about healthcare. Most clinicians enter the field with a deep desire to care. But like the students, our ability to act on that intention is shaped by their environment: 🚨 Long shifts 📋 Endless documentation 🏥 Understaffing 💔 Emotional overload Over time, many experience empathic distress—the toll of witnessing suffering without adequate support. Some detach to cope. Others find compassion satisfaction—a sense of meaning that sustains them. Here’s the heart of it: Clinicians don’t burn out because they lack compassion. They struggle when systems make it nearly impossible to live it out. Even the most empathic hearts falter in environments that reward speed over presence, output over connection. And yet, people vary—strengths and coping styles make a difference. What helps? To preserve empathy, we must create spaces where care can breathe: • Time to Care – Like the students in the low-hurry group, clinicians need room to connect. • Psychological Safety – A culture where emotions can be shared without fear. • Better Systems – Workflows that reduce burden and protect humanity. • Individual Support – Because no two people handle stress the same way. Compassion isn’t simply a personal trait. It’s a shared resource—one that systems can either nourish or deplete. If we truly value empathy in healthcare, we must design for it—while honoring the diverse ways providers stay connected to their purpose. What combination of systemic and individual support do you believe makes the biggest difference? I’d love to hear from those on the front lines—and those shaping the future of care. #JustOneHeart #Healthcare #Compassion #BurnoutPrevention #PsychologicalSafety #Empathy #PatientExperience

A deal rarely dies on numbers. It dies when emotions take over.   If you lose control of your emotions, you lose control of the negotiation.   I’ve seen it too many times.   Someone walks into the room with a strong plan. Their numbers are clear, strategy is sharp.   Then pressure hits. A voice gets louder. A deadline appears. Someone says something that feels personal.   Logic leaves. Emotion takes the wheel.   Deals worth millions slip away in those moments. Not because the offer was weak. Not because the market was wrong. But because emotion hijacked the room.   I learned this lesson early, growing up in Glasgow. You don’t get to choose the pressure. You only get to choose your response.   𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹. It’s your strongest defence.   Scripts help. But they won’t save you when your chest tightens and logic fades   Before any high-stakes negotiation I always:  → Check myself. Where am I feeling tense? →  Name the emotion. Is it fear, anger, frustration? →  Slow my breathing. (Sounds basic, but it works) →  Remind myself: 𝙉𝙤 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙥𝙪𝙨𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙪𝙣𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙚.   This isn’t suppressing emotions. It’s being aware of them. Understanding them. And not letting them run the show.   Because when emotions run hot, power shifts.   Stay calm. Stay strategic. Stay in control.   𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲. It’s emotional self-awareness.   If emotions have ever hijacked your performance, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about how to stop that from happening again

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵? “I’m just so frustrated” In a high EQ organization, you're likely to ✅ nod ✅ empathize ✅ move on. So politically correct. You've just checked the proverbial "engagement" checklist. Our organizations today are so geared to being perfunctory and efficient. But are they really frustrated? Or are they:  ❓ overwhelmed ❓ disappointed ❓ embarrassed ❓ resentful ❓ fearful? Each of these means a different root cause. When leading a team, understanding that difference can make or break how the situation unfolds. I came across fascinating psychological research on the topic of emotional granularity. (research journals in comments) It’s not labeling emotions only; it’s about getting specific in order to empathize well. It’s the difference between hearing “I’m stressed” and knowing whether that stress is rooted in fear, uncertainty or the pressure to perform. Can you tell the difference between an employee who’s “angry” because they feel undervalued versus one who’s “angry” because they’re burned out? When you get this right, everything changes ✅ team dynamics ✅ decision-making ✅ your ability to lead through crises. Leaders who practice emotional granularity are far better at managing conflict and fostering trust within their teams. When you can name emotions with precision—yours and others’—you create clarity. Clarity is the antidote to chaos. How Can Leaders Use Emotional Granularity? 1️⃣ Start With Yourself. Leaders who model emotional granularity are 30% more likely to inspire loyalty and engagement within their teams. Your emotions set the tone for your organization. Practice identifying and sharing what you’re really feeling in high-pressure moments. 2️⃣ Listen Beyond Words. When your team expresses emotions, dig deeper. Ask questions like, “What’s driving that frustration?” or “What do you think is at the root of this?” Often, what people say isn’t the full story. It's okay for them to be imprecise and unfamiliar initially as you shape their emotional expression fully. 3️⃣ Create a Culture of Emotional Precision Encourage your team to articulate their feelings with specificity. It doesn't have to be a therapy session, just holding space. 4️⃣ Use Emotional Granularity in Difficult Conversations. Whether it’s giving feedback or navigating conflict, being precise about emotions helps de-escalate tension and build trust. If handling emotions within your organization feels like navigating a minefield—let’s talk. --- Follow me Stuart Tan MSc., MBA for more insights on leadership and oirganizational development!