Handling Workplace Bullying

Someone sent an email early this week: “Being around new people makes me quite uncomfortable. Until now, my job was fully remote, which suited me well. We’ve recently shifted to a hybrid model, and I’ve realized that I become overly conscious. My seniors have also started treating me like a pushover by assigning unnecessary deadlines and putting me under pressure, even when there’s no urgency. How can I stand up for myself without damaging my work relationships?” She further explained: - I believe I am an introverted person and have always been that way. - I often view myself as inferior to others in social or official gatherings. - The way some seniors speak to me, often with a very authoritative tone, makes me feel disheartened. - I think a part of me holds back out of respect. I replied: You’re not broken. But you are stuck in a story that no longer serves you. You call yourself an introvert. But introversion isn’t the issue here. Avoidance is. You're avoiding them because you're afraid of not measuring up. That’s self-doubt disguised as personality. You feel inferior in social settings because others have seen more, done more. Sure. But here’s the truth: Nobody ever learned how to swim by standing on the shore and watching others talk about the ocean. You’ll learn by showing up as you are, not by waiting till you become "enough." Now to the workplace. You say you don’t push back because you don’t want to be disrespectful or argumentative.  Being assertive is not being disrespectful. And being silent is not being respectful. It’s being invisible. You are not helping your future self by avoiding temporary discomfort today. Here’s what I would do: - Pick one moment this week to say something you normally wouldn’t. Start small. But start. - Script your pushback: “I understand the urgency, but I’ll need until X to do this well.” Firm. Respectful. Clear. - Stop apologizing for not knowing enough. Nobody knows everything. You’re allowed to ask. You’re allowed to not have been everywhere. You’re allowed to learn in real time. This version of you - the quiet one, the one who makes herself smaller - is a story that needs to stop. Time to write a better one. Image via Colby Kultgen and Ben Meer 

Some people don’t play fair at work. They play to win, and they weaponize perception to do it. They bait your emotions. They move the goalposts. They delegate complete chaos. They create confusion, then call it collaboration. And quitting isn’t always an option. Especially when you're rising. Here are 7 strategies to protect your power: 1. Silence is a strategy. Don’t rush to fill the space. Pauses signal self-trust. They expose games people try to play. i.e: When a peer tries to get you to defend your work in a meeting, don’t explain everything. Just say, “That’s noted,” and move on. Let their tone do the work of revealing the dynamics to others. 2. Divest your emotional labor. You’re not responsible for how other people feel about your boundaries, tone, or clarity. i.e: If your manager is in a mood or being short with you, don’t overfunction to smooth it over. Stick to the facts, keep your update short, and end the meeting on time. 3. Outshine the master carefully. Power loves proximity, so don’t disappear. Share your wins in public—but pair them with a compliment. i.e: If your director doesn’t like being outshined, say in a team update, “Thanks to [Director’s Name] for the support on this, I was able to close the contract two weeks ahead of schedule.” Tie your success to their influence while keeping your name attached to the win. 4. Speak to the pattern, not the person. Address repeat behaviors in clean, direct ways. Stick to the facts. i.e: If a colleague keeps delaying deliverables that impact you, say, “This is the third time the file has come late, and it’s caused downstream delays. I want to get ahead of this for next time.” It’s hard to argue with patterns. 5. Don’t reveal your intentions or your personal business. Say what you need, then stop talking. i.e: If you're asking for a project switch, say, “I’d like to be considered for X. I believe it’s a better use of my current strengths.” No need to mention burnout, your manager’s issues, or private goals. 6.Control access to yourself in levels. Not every colleague gets the same version of you. Boundaries are a form of emotional regulation. i.e: You don’t need to keep explaining your every idea to a critical coworker. Instead, share top-line updates in writing and save your full thinking for trusted allies or public spaces where misinterpretation is harder. 7. Exit the game entirely. Sometimes the real power move is not playing at all. This is how you protect your peace without losing your position. * If you resonate with this post, please repost it to your Linkedin page.* However, if you're a business coach, career coach etc., do not share this post or assume that tagging me in business groups, business pages or simply looking to grow your biz pages or on direct pages serves as permission. Do not post without my explicit permission*

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

Your nervous system decides how you show up before you walk into the room. Most leaders prepare what they'll say. Few prepare how their brain will respond. A Managing Director I worked with was well-liked and approachable. But his team started feeling distant. Disconnected. Like he didn't care anymore. He did care. Deeply. But chronic stress had pushed his nervous system into threat mode. Before every meeting, his chest would tighten and his breathing would shallow. His brain was already defending before anyone spoke. We built a simple reset practice. Three minutes before team interactions. These are the techniques that made the difference: 1/ The physiological sigh Two quick inhales through your nose, one long exhale through your mouth. The fastest way to reduce stress in real-time. Works in 30 seconds. 2/ Cold water on your face Activates the dive reflex, slows your heart rate, shifts your system toward calm instantly. 3/ Progressive muscle relaxation Clench your fists for five seconds. Release. Move to your shoulders. Then your jaw. Tension and release signals your nervous system that the threat has passed. 4/ Grounding through your senses Press your feet into the floor. Name five things you can see. This activates your thinking brain, which quiets the threat center. 5/ Humming or vocal toning Activates your vagus nerve, which is the main pathway to your body's relaxation response. Even 60 seconds shifts your state. 6/ Slow orienting Turn your head slowly and scan the room. This ancient signal tells your brainstem: no predators here. You're safe. Within weeks, his team noticed he was present again. Listening. Engaged. Not because he learned new techniques. Because his nervous system finally stopped blocking what was already there. Your nervous system doesn't respond to logic. It responds to signals. Which of these could you try before your next high-stakes conversation?

Have you ever 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗽𝗮���𝗸𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘀'? It’s time to change the narrative! During a pivotal project meeting, I realized that my quieter disposition was causing my contributions to be overshadowed. This was a wake-up call. Like many of you, I had all the right ideas but wasn’t making the impact I should have. That’s when I realized, and later turned to assertiveness training, and it profoundly transformed my professional presence. Assertiveness isn’t just about being heard—it’s about being respected and valued. It’s about clearly and confidently expressing your thoughts without overpowering others, ensuring your professional boundaries are recognized and maintained. This skill can elevate your career to new heights, enhancing both your mental well-being and workplace dynamics. Actionable Takeaways: 1. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 '𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹' 𝗼𝗿 '𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲': These phrases take ownership and appear non-threatening. 2. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘀: Keep emotions in check and present your case logically. 3. 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: Communicate your limits clearly to colleagues to avoid misunderstandings. 4. 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 '𝗻𝗼': Protect yourself from overcommitment while maintaining your self-respect. 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟, 𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑒𝑐ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑡; 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑎𝑚𝑒'𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒. 𝐴𝑝𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑒𝑐ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑟. Have you noticed how being assertive changes the way people perceive and react to you? Share your experiences below or let us know if you think there's room for improvement in how you assert yourself. If you want a complete video guide on the topic then please DM me with 'video'. To your success, Coach Vandana Dubey "Elevating Careers, Enriching Souls" Where Professional Growth Meets Personal Fulfilment! #ProfessionalGrowth #LeadershipSkills #AssertivenessTraining #CareerDevelopment #ITProfessionals LinkedIn

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

Workplace bullying isn't just a personal struggle. It’s a leadership and culture challenge. If you've ever felt undermined, silenced, or consistently targeted at work, know this: You're not alone. And it’s not something you have to endure silently. Bullying in the workplace can take many forms: ↳ verbal attacks ↳ exclusion ↳ undermining contributions Whatever the method, the impact is the same: It’s exhausting It's demoralizing It can affect your confidence, creativity, and mental health. But here's the good news: There are steps you can take to reclaim your voice and set boundaries that protect your well-being: 1. Recognize It for What It Is: → Bullying thrives in silence and ambiguity. → Acknowledge the behavior and name it. → Understanding that the issue lies with the bully, not you. 2. Document Everything: → Keep a record of incidents. → This isn't about being petty—it's about protecting yourself with facts. 3. Establish Boundaries: → Bullies often test limits. → Clearly communicate your boundaries in a calm, professional manner. 4. Seek Support: → Talk to trusted colleagues, mentors, or HR. → Sharing your experiences can help validate your feelings and provide you with practical advice. 5. Prioritize Your Well-Being: → It’s hard to stand strong when you’re running on empty. → Protect your energy by focusing on what truly matters. 6. Speak Up When Ready: → If it feels safe, consider addressing the behavior with the bully directly. → Use "I" statements to share how their actions affect you. As leaders, we also have a responsibility to create workplaces where bullying isn’t tolerated. This means fostering a culture of respect. Holding people accountable. And championing psychological safety for EVERYONE.

You walked into a one-on-one expecting a conversation. What you got was an ambush. They came at you with unexpected news. There was aggression in their voice. They misunderstood something you did, something you meant with zero harm that landed with total impact. And suddenly you're not having a productive conversation. You're managing an explosion. This is one of the collision points where communication, relationship, and anger meet. And most leaders have no idea how to navigate it. So they do one of three things: They defend. "That's not what I meant. You're misinterpreting this." They dismiss. "You're overreacting. This isn't that big of a deal." They delay. "Let's talk about this later when you've calmed down." All three make it worse. Why? That person isn't attacking you. They're trying to protect something that matters to them. A boundary that got crossed. A value that got violated. A concern that's been ignored too many times. The anger isn't the problem. The anger is the messenger. And if you shut down the messenger, you never hear the message. So here's what you do instead: Name what you're sensing. "It seems like there's a lot of frustration behind this. Did I get that right?" Not to shut them down. To understand them. This signals that you're not trying to defend yourself. You're trying to hear them. Get curious about the root. "What's really at the heart of this for you?" "Help me understand what led to this moment." "What specifically happened that created this reaction?" These questions de-escalate because they shift from debate to discovery. You're not arguing about whether their anger is justified. You're exploring what caused it. Then rebuild boundaries with clarity. "Here's what I think we need moving forward." "What do you need from me to make sure we don't end up here again?" This is where most leaders stop too early. They patch things up, move on, and six months later they're having the same explosion. The real work is creating clarity about what happens next. Not in the heat of the moment. But maybe a day or two later, when things have cooled down. "How do you think we handled that tense moment?" "What could we both do better next time?" "What did you need from me that you weren't getting?" Because here's the truth: If you work with high-performing people on difficult projects, you're going to have tense moments. The leaders who navigate this well don't avoid conflict. They treat it as data. They ask: What is this tension telling us about misaligned expectations? Unclear roles? Unspoken needs? And they use it to build stronger relationships, not weaker ones. That one-on-one that blew up? It's not a failure. It's your nervous system and theirs trying to tell you something important. The question is whether you're listening. What tense conversation are you avoiding right now because you don't know how to navigate the anger underneath it?

Bullies exist in boardrooms too. Over the past few months, I’ve seen a rise in clients being bullied by their boss. The troubling part? Many of these bullies look like high performers on paper. They lead teams. They smile in meetings. They hit targets and close deals. And because they deliver, they’re often protected. Corporate systems are designed to reward results, not integrity. They celebrate what is produced, not how leaders behave. It’s also common for bullies to target someone of the same sex. Early in my career, I worked with a senior female director who bullied me and several other women on a project. So many team members resigned. I was terrified to go to work and too scared to report her. Workplace bullying isn’t always loud. Sometimes it looks like: – Taking credit for your work – Withholding information so you fail – “Feedback” that’s actually public humiliation – Excluding you from key decisions or meetings Over time, your confidence erodes. Your performance suffers. Your career stalls. And yet, people still say: “Just ignore them.” How are we supposed to do that? Here’s a better approach: 1. Speak in impact terms – Regulate emotions. Use business language. – Link behavior to risks or missed targets. 2. Document everything – Keep a private log. Save emails, chats, meeting notes. 3. Build your allies – Strengthen relationships beyond your team. – Share wins with those who outrank your boss. 4. Get support – From HR. From a lawyer, if needed. – From a coach to plan your next move. Your confidence, career, and well-being matter. You are not the problem. And if the company won’t protect you, do what you need to protect yourself. What other advice would you give? ♻️ Repost to help your network. ➕ Follow Deena Priest for more career and leadership insights. --- Image Credit: Andrea Petrone

US-based employers: over the next few weeks, you're either working around the clock with your managers to protect the healthy norms you've worked hard to create—or watching in dismay as your workplace falls apart. You might have your norms written down on a wall somewhere, and think that's enough to weather this storm. Not even close. You can say the words "collaboration," "respect," "inclusion," and "kindness" all you want, but it's what happens in every team when those norms are violated that defines what kind of organization you are. ⚠️ When team members refuse to communicate with their colleagues who voted for a different candidate, are your managers prepared? ⚠️ When people denigrate or insult their colleagues in Slack or Teams messages or in the chatbox on a video call, are your managers prepared? ⚠️ When a "high performing employee" decides to express prejudiced, exclusionary, and discriminatory ideas about protected groups, are your managers prepared? In workplaces around the country and around the world, these kinds of incidents are far from novel. But when flashpoints happen, like a major election, the fragile balance of a workplace culture is easily upended. Each and every violation that occurs is a test of the norms that workplace leaders purport to have, and when employers fail that test, the consequences can be disastrous—disrupting everyday work, destroying trust in leadership, poisoning team morale and culture, and more. Managers make or break that possibility. 🌱 Your managers must be prepared to mediate conflict. ⛔ Your managers must be prepared to articulate what behavior is tolerated and what isn't. ⚖️ Your managers must be prepared to hold others and themselves accountable for when harm occurs and norms are violated. ⛈️ Your managers must be prepared to support and manage negative emotions, anger, frustration, and grief among their teams. 🚀 Your managers must be prepared to lead by example, even through their own strong opinions or feelings. 📢 And every executive must be prepared to support their managers by establishing expectations from the top, communicating transparently about resources and support options, and coaching managers who need help reaching that standard. If your workplace has taken this challenge seriously, it's already been preparing in this way for weeks and months. But even if you're only starting today, it's never too late to lead.