Encouraging Emotional Expression

Today, a colleague asked a question in one of our staff channels: "Are folks 'out' to their managers? I'm debating whether to disclose." What followed was one of those quietly powerful moments that remind me why community matters at work. People shared their experiences of disclosing neurodivergence or #disability to managers – some were open, some weren't, some were still figuring out what they even needed. A few talked about supportive managers. Others named hesitation, uncertainty, or the emotional effort of having the conversation at all. There was no single answer. Just nuance, generosity, and care. It immediately made me think of a Fast Company article I read last year (link in comments), where Amanda Lien reflects on choosing to disclose her invisible chronic illness at work. Her experience was positive – met with empathy, flexibility, and support – but she's clear that this isn't the norm. Research consistently shows that many disabled and neurodivergent employees choose not to disclose because the risk feels too high. That tension showed up clearly in today's Slack exchange too. Some colleagues shared that being open helped create understanding. Others said they didn't yet know what to ask for. A few named the manager lottery – how outcomes vary widely depending on who you report to. Someone shared resources like the Job Accommodation Network. Someone else pointed out progress on accommodations behind the scenes. Someone simply said: "I'm not out – I don't know how to broach it." All of that is real. One thing I've learned over the years: disclosure should never be the goal. Support should be. When organisations over-index on disclosure, they often miss the conditions that make support possible – or safer – in the first place. A few reflections this brought up for me: 1️⃣ People shouldn't need perfect language, a formal diagnosis, or full self-understanding to get support. 2️⃣ Two people with the same condition can need very different adjustments. 3️⃣ When access to tools or flexibility requires disclosure, support quietly becomes a risk calculation: the emotional labour of deciding whether to disclose is itself a tax – one disproportionately paid by disabled and neurodivergent colleagues. The Fast Company piece ends with a reminder I keep returning to: curiosity and empathy matter more than certainty. Managers don't need to "solve" disability or #neurodiversity – they need to create conditions where asking for what helps is normal and safe. In practice, that looks less like expecting staff to disclose anything and more like asking, consistently: ↠ What helps you do your best work? ↠ Are there tools or adjustments that would reduce friction? ↠ Is anything getting in the way right now? When those questions are part of everyday management, disclosure becomes secondary. 💬 Eager to hear: what has helped (or hindered) you when navigating disclosure or accommodations at work?

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

Behavior is never just behavior. It is a window into emotion, motivation, and unmet needs. Great leaders know how to look through it. As a mom of four little ones, I’ve been reflecting on the ideas in Dr. Becky Kennedy’s book 'Good Inside.' It is written for parents—but it also speaks to leadership. One of her core messages is simple and profound: even when kids act out, fall short, or frustrate us, it doesn’t mean they’re bad. It means they’re struggling. This mindset shift has helped me at home. It seems just as important in the workplace. Just substitute "kids" for "people" and the core message applies. Here are three principles that stood out to me: 1. Assume Positive Intent Dr. Becky Kennedy invites us to view misbehavior as a sign of distress, not defiance. In organizations, underperformance or resistance is often a signal. When we approach it with curiosity rather than judgment, we get closer to the root of the issue. 2. Connection Before Correction Correction without connection feels like criticism. Whether with kids or colleagues, people need to feel respected to learn and grow. Leaders who build connection first create the psychological safety that makes real feedback possible. 3. Regulate Yourself First In both parenting and leadership, self-regulation is so important. A calm, composed presence de-escalates conflict, models resilience, and anchors a team during moments of stress. Great leaders manage their inner world to better navigate the outer one. Leadership, like parenting, is emotionally rich. Starting with the belief that people are good inside changes the way we react to behavior that seems off. I loved the question Dr. Becky Kennedy suggests we use to find the good inside: "What is my most generous interpretation of what just happened?" #parenting #leadership #emotionalintelligence #psychologicalsafety #behavioralscience #goodinside

There are moments when you want to scream, cry, or laugh out loud but instead, you straighten your back, put on a calm face, and walk into the room. That’s the paradox of leadership and life. The times you most want to show your emotions are often the very moments you feel you can’t. I still remember a meeting years ago. We had worked months on a project, and in one swift decision, it was scrapped. I wanted to slam the table. I wanted people to see the fire in me. But all I managed was a nod and a neutral, “Alright, what’s next?” The silence burned more than an outburst ever could. Over time, I realized: controlling emotions isn’t about burying them. It’s about choosing when and how to show them so that they serve a purpose, not sabotage one. + Anger can destroy trust if released raw but channeled right, it can fuel urgency. + Sadness can weaken a room if left unchecked but expressed honestly, it can build empathy. + Joy can look frivolous if misplaced but shared in the right moment, it multiplies energy. Some of my strongest leadership moments weren’t when I stayed stoic. They were when I allowed just enough emotion to show, enough to be human, but not so much that it blurred the message. So the next time emotions rise, ask yourself: Do I want to release this emotion, or do I want to use it? That single pause can turn a reaction into a response and a response into impact.

**The Manager as the Emotional Support System for Their Team** In today’s fast-paced corporate world, the role of a manager extends far beyond overseeing tasks and meeting targets. A truly effective manager serves as the emotional support system for their team, fostering a workplace environment where employees feel valued, understood, and motivated. Here’s why being an emotional support system is crucial and how managers can excel in this role: **1. Building Trust and Open Communication:** Trust is the foundation of any strong team. When employees know their manager genuinely cares about their well-being, they are more likely to communicate openly about their challenges and needs. This transparency leads to better problem-solving and stronger team cohesion. **2. Enhancing Employee Well-Being:** Work-related stress and burnout are significant issues in many workplaces. Managers who provide emotional support can help alleviate these pressures by acknowledging stressors, offering solutions, and providing a safe space for employees to express their concerns. **3. Boosting Morale and Motivation:** Employees who feel supported are more engaged and motivated. Recognizing their efforts, celebrating their successes, and providing constructive feedback can significantly enhance morale and drive productivity. **4. Promoting a Positive Work Culture:** A supportive manager sets the tone for a positive and inclusive work culture. By showing empathy, actively listening, and addressing issues with compassion, managers can create an environment where employees feel respected and valued. **5. Facilitating Professional and Personal Growth:** When managers support their team emotionally, they also support their growth. Encouraging work-life balance, offering professional development opportunities, and understanding personal aspirations helps employees thrive both professionally and personally. **How to Be an Effective Emotional Support System:** **- Active Listening:** Pay attention to your team’s concerns and show that you understand and care about their experiences. Sometimes, just being heard can make a significant difference. **- Empathy:** Put yourself in your team members’ shoes. Acknowledge their feelings and respond with compassion and understanding. **- Availability:** Make time for regular one-on-one check-ins. Let your team know that your door is always open for them to discuss any issues or seek advice. **- Encourage Work-Life Balance:** Promote policies and practices that support a healthy work-life balance. **- Provide Resources:** Offer access to resources such as counseling services, stress management workshops, or mental health days. Show your team that their well-being is a priority. **- Lead by Example:** Demonstrate emotional intelligence in your interactions. Model the behavior you want to see in your team, including resilience, positivity, and a supportive attitude.

If Your Story Isn’t Landing, This Is Why (And How to Fix It) 📢 Harsh truth: If people aren’t engaged in your story, it’s not their fault—it’s yours. I’ve coached over 300 leaders on storytelling, and I see the same mistakes over and over again. The good news? They’re fixable. Here are the five biggest storytelling mistakes—and how to make sure your audience actually cares about what you’re saying. 1️⃣ You made it about you. Brutal? Maybe. True? Absolutely. Your audience isn’t sitting there thinking, Wow, what a fascinating life this person has. They’re thinking, How does this apply to me? Make it about them. If they can’t see themselves in your story, you’ve already lost them. 2️⃣ You got lost in the weeds. Ever listened to a story that somehow included a three-minute detour about what someone had for breakfast? Your audience doesn’t need a GPS breakdown of your morning routine. Set the scene. Get to the turning point. Move on. The longer it takes you to get to the good part, the faster people check out. 3️⃣ You’re avoiding the real story. The one that makes you cringe. The one that feels too raw, too real. That’s probably the one people need to hear. We don’t connect with perfection. We connect with honesty. So if you’re playing it safe, you’re missing the point. 4️⃣ You told them how to feel. Saying “I was devastated” is like saying “I was hungry.” Okay… so what? Make them feel it. The lump in your throat. The weight in your chest. The silence that filled the room. Emotion isn’t in the adjectives. It’s in the details. 5️⃣ You thought confidence was the problem. It’s not. Lack of clarity is. People say, “I just need to be more confident in storytelling.” No. You need structure. Because when you know exactly where your story is going, confidence follows. Every. Single. Time. The Fix? Be clear. Be concise. Be real. Because storytelling will expose you. And that’s a good thing. 🔥 What’s one storytelling mistake you’ve made before? Drop it in the comments—I promise, we’ve all been there. #whatsyourstory #storytelling

Imagine one of your team members, a strong performer in the past, is struggling. Her father is undergoing cancer treatment and she is the primary caregiver. Over the last six months, her performance has dipped significantly. Other members are stepping in, however it is creating additional pressure and affecting the overall team performance. Unfortunately, you cannot bring in additional help. So, how do you support your employee through this challenging time without impacting the overall team performance? In my recent poll on LinkedIn, 86% respondents shared that they would appeal to the team for support. Here’s how I have dealt with delicate situations like this: 1️⃣ Have an empathetic conversation with the employee - Acknowledge her strengths, contributions and current struggles. - Encourage her to open up, including worries about impact on career - Discuss likely solutions to ease her workload temporarily, ex: adjustable or lower work hours, role adjustments etc. - Offer emotional health support like counselling 2️⃣ Assure your support. Times like this seem to last forever and people get flustered. - Assure that any temporary changes in the role, or workload or hours will not have long-term impact - Help her reassess and realign her short and long term priorities 3️⃣ Appeal to the team - Reprioritize the tasks, some non-critical ones may be dropped or outsourced - Reassign tasks to other members in an innovative way, say assigning work based on a person’s interest or development goals. - Role model by personally taking over few tasks What support have you received from your manager at difficult times? What could have been done differently? #manager #empathy #leadership

To build emotional resonance, you need to connect with your audience on a personal level—and that starts with knowing them deeply. This goes beyond basic demographics like age, location, or income. Emotional connection happens when you understand their values, fears, and motivations. → Start by observing conversations in your niche. Look at social media comments, forums, or community spaces where your audience hangs out. → Pay attention to the language they use—what words and phrases pop up often? These conversations provide clues about their emotional triggers and concerns, which you can reflect in your messaging. → Conduct open-ended surveys that ask “why” questions rather than just “what” questions. For example, instead of asking which features they like, ask why those features matter to them. This reveals the emotions behind their preferences, helping you create messages that align with their deeper needs. → Lean into behavioral data. What content do they engage with the most? Which emails get opened and which links get clicked? Patterns in behavior tell a story—identify what topics capture their interest and shape future content around those insights. → Build personas that reflect real challenges and aspirations. Instead of general personas, create living profiles that evolve as you learn more about your audience. Use specific examples or anecdotes that help your team see the audience as individuals, not just statistics. → Most importantly, listen without assumptions. Don’t assume you know what your audience wants—stay curious, ask questions, and let their responses shape your strategy. When your audience feels understood, your content naturally becomes more engaging and emotionally resonant. Knowing your audience deeply means being present in their world. When you tap into their motivations and speak directly to their fears and aspirations, your message cuts through the noise and builds meaningful, lasting connections. #storytelling #marketing #customermarketing

"I don't like using the word vulnerable because it's weak." I hear it all the time from executives. This is exactly why organizations are struggling with constant transformation. When I talk to audiences of high level executives, they're completely bought into empathy. "Yes, empathy is important. We need to be empathetic. Our people are struggling and we must support them. But when I bring up vulnerability? They physically recoil. "I can't. No." Here's what fascinates me: The belief seems to be that the higher you go in an organization, the less you can show negatively perceived emotions. You can be empathetic. You have to be empathetic. But you can only show motivation and positivity. "Let's go. We got this!" Even though those same executives tell me how they too are struggling. Meanwhile, here's what employees actually think when their manager shows confident vulnerability: They're human. They get it. They feel me. They know what we're going through. They're in it with us. Finally. I can relate to them. Now we're a team. Not: "They're weak." But: "We're in this together." The pattern I see everywhere? Leaders think vulnerability undermines their authority. The reality? It builds unshakeable trust. And what do I mean by ‘confident vulnerability’? It means you hold steadfast belief in the mission, in the vision, in the work ahead, but for today you too are struggling. More leaders are starting to do this. Women executives more often than those with a lot of masculine energy. But it's still rare. The higher you climb, the more your humanity matters. Not less. Your people aren't looking for a robot with a title. They're desperate for proof there's a human behind it.

Supporting Stressed Colleagues: The ICARE Framework Whenever I do a keynote presentation to help build caring teams, I ask the audience to raise their had if someone in their life is suffering a mental health issue. That could be someone at work, or in their personal life. 90% of the audience will raise their hand every time. So how do we help them effectively? Some time ago, I developed the ICARE framework to provide five practical steps that we can follow to support a team mate in distress (it's equally applicable to family and friends): I - IDENTIFY Notice when someone's behavior changes. Are they quieter than usual? Missing deadlines? Different energy levels? These shifts often signal someone is struggling. C - COMPASSION Offer emotional support without judgment. Asking "Are you okay?" with empathy can open the door to meaningful connection and support. A - ACCESS EXPERTS Help them find professional support - whether it's a mental health savvy GP or other mental health professionals. You don't need to be the expert, just the bridge. R - REVITALIZING WORK Work can be incredibly therapeutic. When possible, staying engaged (even in modified ways) often supports recovery better than complete withdrawal. E - EXERCISE Never underestimate the power of movement. Offering to take a 30-minute walk during lunch provides both psychological support and physical benefits. Walking features heavily in my own self-care strategy, and when I feel that my mood is declining, I will reach out to a friend to join me on a walk. Reaching out to a colleague in distress can feel like a minefield, but remember that it's not your job to fix them. No one expects you to have all of the answers. The best thing that you can do is show up with intention and practical support. What strategies have you found helpful when supporting colleagues?