Emotional Regulation At Work

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

"Black women aren't just doing their jobs. They're performing an exhausting one-woman show where the script changes daily." Let me break down what Black women navigate in professional spaces: We don't just choose our words. We filter them through a racial-gender matrix. We don't just speak. We modulate our tone to avoid the "angry" label. We don't just gesture. We control our hand movements to appear "non-threatening." We don't just dress. We calculate every outfit to seem "professional enough." We don't just style our hair. We make political decisions with each hairstyle. This isn't paranoia—it's strategic survival: When we speak directly, we're "aggressive" When we show emotion, we're "unprofessional" When we assert boundaries, we're "difficult" When we seek recognition, we're "entitled" When we express frustration, we're "hostile" The mental load is crushing: • Constantly scanning environments for potential hostility • Preparing responses to microaggressions before they happen • Developing thick skin while remaining "approachable" • Achieving twice as much while appearing humble • Advocating for ourselves without triggering stereotypes Research shows this hypervigilance takes a measurable toll: Black women experience higher rates of stress-related health conditions Black women report the highest levels of "bringing their full selves" to work Black women face the most severe career penalties for authentic self-expression Black women spend more mental energy on workplace navigation than any other group For those working alongside Black women, here are research-backed ways to help: 1. Amplify Black women's ideas and give proper credit 2. Interrupt when you witness tone-policing or stereotyping 3. Question double standards in evaluation and feedback 4. Create space for authentic expression without penalties 5. Recognise the invisible labour Black women perform daily 📢 When they expect us to carry the world, we choose rest 📢 The Black Woman's Rest Revolution offers: ✨ Black women therapists who understand workplace navigation ✨ Bi-weekly healing circles for processing code-switching fatigue ✨ Expert guidance through professional double standards ✨ Global sisterhood that honors our authentic selves Limited spots available Join our revolution: [Link in comments] ⚠️ Check your spam folder for confirmation Because we deserve workplaces where our expertise matters more than our tone. Because our brilliance shouldn't require constant repackaging. Because our professional value shouldn't depend on our likability. #BlackWomenAtWork #WorkplaceNavigation #ProfessionalAuthenticity #RestIsRevolution P.S. I help Black women heal from workplace abuse & racial trauma through revolutionary rest. 📸 Collaboration between Sarah_akinterwa & leaningorg on IG

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

As International Women’s Day nears, we’ll see the usual corporate gestures—empowerment panels, social media campaigns, and carefully curated success stories. But let’s be honest: these feel-good initiatives rarely change what actually holds women back at work on the daily basis. Instead, I suggest focusing on something concrete, something I’ve seen have the biggest impact in my work with teams: the unspoken dynamics that shape psychological safety. 🚨Because psychological safety is not the same for everyone. Psychological safety is often defined as a shared belief that one can take risks without fear of negative consequences. But let’s unpack that—who actually feels safe enough to take those risks? 🔹 Speaking up costs more for women Confidence isn’t the issue—consequences are. Women learn early that being too direct can backfire. Assertiveness can be read as aggression, while careful phrasing can make them seem uncertain. Over time, this calculation becomes second nature: Is this worth the risk? 🔹 Mistakes are stickier When men fail, it’s seen as part of leadership growth. When women fail, it often reinforces lingering doubts about their competence. This means that women aren’t more risk-averse by nature—they’re just more aware of the cost. 🔹 Inclusion isn’t just about presence Being at the table doesn’t mean having an equal voice. Women often find themselves in a credibility loop—having to repeatedly prove their expertise before their ideas carry weight. Meanwhile, those who fit the traditional leadership mold are often trusted by default. 🔹 Emotional labor is the silent career detour Women in teams do an extraordinary amount of behind-the-scenes work—mediating conflicts, softening feedback, ensuring inclusion. The problem? This work isn’t visible in performance reviews or leadership selection criteria. It’s expected, but not rewarded. What companies can do beyond IWD symbolism: ✅ Stop measuring "confidence"—start measuring credibility gaps If some team members always need to “prove it” while others are trusted instantly, you have a credibility gap, not a confidence issue. Fix how ideas get heard, not how women present them. ✅ Make failure a learning moment for everyone Audit how mistakes are handled in your team. Are men encouraged to take bold moves while women are advised to be more careful? Change the narrative around risk. ✅ Track & reward emotional labor If women are consistently mentoring, resolving conflicts, or ensuring inclusion, this isn’t just “being helpful”—it’s leadership. Make it visible, valued, and part of promotion criteria. 💥 This IWD, let’s skip the celebration and start the correction. If your company is serious about making psychological safety equal for everyone, let’s do the real work. 📅 I’m now booking IWD sessions focused on improving team dynamics and creating workplaces where women don’t just survive, but thrive. Book your spot and let’s turn good intentions into lasting impact.

You cannot wait on confidence to arrive. You have to built it —one bold move at a time. Here’s the truth: Most of the women I coach aren’t walking into new roles, new industries, or promotions already confident. They’re unsure. They have self-doubt, too. They’ve read the job description 17 times and still think they’re missing something. I've been there. In meeting rooms I didn't belong, and should have been quiet. I had less experience and industry knowledge, but found moments to speak up, share a small idea, stay persistent when I believed in something, and slowly possibilities started to unravel. What separates professionals who stay stuck from the ones who step forward: 💡 They shift from “I'm not good enough to “I believe in my potential” That one tiny mindset tweak? It changes everything. → “I am not good enough" shuts down the opportunity for you to tap into your strongest capabilities. → But "I believe in my potential" opens up space. It says: “Maybe I’ve never done it before. But I’m capable. I’m resourceful. And I’m willing to try. And I deserve to try" Confidence isn’t a requirement for your career. It’s a result. You don’t build it by waiting. You build it by doing. By trying. Failing. Trying again. And saying yes before you feel 100% “ready.” So next time your inner critic says you're not good enough. You get to answer back.

"I initially felt silly calling it 'heartbreak,' but I needed to name it and not be ashamed by how gut-wrenching it felt." These words from a reader stopped me in my tracks. When I wrote about professional heartbreak in my newsletter, I never expected the flood of raw, vulnerable stories that poured into my inbox from women of color across industries. The message was clear: When your mentor betrays you, when someone takes credit for your work, when you're pushed out of a role that defined your identity—it's more than disappointment. It's heartbreak. In my latest article, I share: -Why professional heartbreak hits differently for those who've worked twice as hard to get half as far -The aftermath: "I doubt they will ever get the same 'me' again" -A practical 7-step framework for healing that includes finding your "healing trinity" The pain is real, but so is the wisdom that can emerge from it. Read the full piece to discover how to transform professional heartbreak into clarity and power. Link in below. Have you experienced this? What helped you move forward?

“What’s wrong with me?” “I’m a stupid idiot.” “I can’t even get this done.” That’s my inner critic. The harsh judgemental voice that decimates me when I make a mistake. That magnifies my flaws, and undermines my abilities. I let it rip me apart because I thought I deserve it. The drained and awful feeling after that. There are many names for this condition. Some call it the perfectionist. Others call it the childhood trauma. I call it The Habit I am releasing. That critical voice inside our heads is the major obstacle to building self-confidence and achieving our goals. It was honed from past experiences but continues to fuel our fear and doubt. After coaching many senior executives on public speaking and confidence, I've seen how that harsh inner critic can hold them back from being their best, most confident selves. I've seen and felt the transformative power of learning to release it. I feel more energized and at peace. It’s a mindful work in progress. Here are some strategies I've found effective in releasing The Habit…gently. 🌟 Recognize the Critic The first step is to become aware of your inner critic. When you notice harsh or overly negative thoughts, pause and just observe it instead of being in it. 🌟 Name It. This allows separation from your true self. "That’s just Negative Nellie again" rather than accepting those thoughts as truth. 🌟 Challenge the Thoughts Question it. Is there actual evidence for this negative thought? Or what would you say to a friend in this situation? 🌟 Reframe Negative Self-Talk and use YET for a growth mindset. Instead of "I'm going to mess this up," say "This is an opportunity to learn and grow." Instead of "I can't do this," add the word "yet" to the end. "I can't do this... yet." 🌟 Embrace Self-Compassion Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer someone you love. When you make a mistake, instead of harsh self-criticism, offer yourself understanding and encouragement. Building an encouraging inner voice is a process that takes time and practice. With consistent effort, we can create an inner dialogue that lifts us up to achieve our biggest dreams and goals. What strategies have you found helpful in managing your inner critic? #Confidence #GeorginaChangCommunications

Why don't we talk about the fact that burnout is different for women? It has taken me nearly three decades to recognized burnout in myself, and to make the space and time to treat it with the care that it demands. This #HelloMondayPodcast conversation with Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski pushed me to rethink what it actually is, and gave me better, more practical tools for managing it. Listen now: https://lnkd.in/gePD_xDw To me, understanding how gender impacts our experience of burnout was the great unlock. It won't surprise you to learn that women often face unique challenges that contribute to burnout. We're expected to juggle multiple roles: we are caregivers, professionals, and we're really trying hart to manage our social relationships. The gap between societal expectations and the reality of being a woman is a primary cause of burnout. We exhaust themselves trying to close this gap. So what does burnout look like? Physically, burnout in women can present as chronic fatigue, headaches, and gastrointestinal issues. Emotionally, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness. Women might also experience burnout through behaviors like overworking, substance use, or withdrawing from social connections In this episode, Emily and Amelia provide practical strategies for building resilience, creating support systems, managing stress, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. And critically, they remind us that what we are feeling makes sense. We are not alone. We can do something about it. #Burnout #MentalHealth #WomenInLeadership #SelfCare #Resilience

I've been thinking a lot about neurodivergent relationships. Not the glossy ones. The ones where people genuinely try to love each other and still end up hurting, hiding, or burning out. I see this all the time - especially with neurodivergent women. She often holds everything: the emotional labour of the relationship, the kids’ schedules, the mental load of everything. Until she falls apart. 😵💫 And then what? It's blamed on her hormones - "She is PMS-ing", She is too much. When she is just plain exhausted. Being the support system when everyone else needs something — but somehow left behind when it’s her turn to need. It’s easy to blame the woman in that story - to medicate her, diagnose her, shame her. To ask why she can’t cope, instead of asking why no one showed up for her in the first place. But here’s the thing I’m also holding: Many people come into these relationships with love, good intentions… and no tools. No emotional roadmap. No language for what it means to sit with someone’s full inner world, let alone their own. Avoidance doesn’t always mean harm is intentional. Sometimes it’s fear, grief, or deep shame that’s never had a place to go. And sometimes, that emotional mismatch can slowly erode a connection that should have been safe. At its core, this is about nervous systems. About our unique ways of being, trauma, stories we’ve internalised and patterns we repeat. This is why I created my professional training for those supporting AuDHD women. Because these dynamics are messy, layered, and misunderstood. Because when we understand what’s going on, we stop blaming the behaviour and start responding to the need underneath. If this resonates - if you’re working with neurodivergent women, or you are one - this training is for you. We don’t need to be fixed. We need to be understood. #AuDHD #ADHDWomen #NeurodivergentRelationships #RelationalHealing #TraumaInformedCare #WomensHealth #MentalHealthTraining #Autism #Neurodiversity

𝗢𝗡 𝗕𝗘𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗗 I was once in a meeting where I relayed an idea. I was a VP. There was another male VP in the meeting. And our boss. The meeting went on as if I didn't say anything. Then, the male VP relayed the same idea. And the boss said, "Great idea!" The oversight wasn't necessarily intended. It manifested an unconscious bias that often goes unnoticed in our daily interactions. Recognizing this is the first step toward making meaningful changes. When a woman states an idea, it may be overlooked, but everyone notices when a man repeats it. This is called the “stolen idea.” When a male coworker runs away with a woman’s idea, remind everyone it originated with her by saying something like, “Great idea! I loved it when Katie originally brought it up, and I’m glad you reiterated it.” If someone takes your idea, you can speak up for yourself by saying, “Thanks for picking up on that idea. Here’s my thought. . .” (then add something new). Ways that we can make sure women’s ideas are heard: 1. Invite other women to speak 2. Distribute speaking time equally 3. Ask to hear from women who are being interrupted and spoken over 4. Amplify other women’s ideas by repeating them and giving credit 5. Praise and showcase other women’s work 6. Create systems to distribute “office housework,” such as note-taking, in meetings 7. Share public speaking opportunities with women who have less power or privilege 8. Share pronouns In reflecting on this experience, I'm reminded of the importance of RAW leadership: Being 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟 in acknowledging our biases and striving for equity, Being 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘 in amplifying and crediting ideas regardless of their source, and recognizing the 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗬 impact of ensuring every voice is heard and valued. By adopting these practices, we can dismantle unconscious biases and create a more inclusive environment where everyone feels seen and heard. How do you ensure all voices are heard in your spaces?