Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

“That’s total BS!” How to keep your cool when criticized in a meeting. “That’s utter nonsense,” my colleague said in a meeting during my time at easyJet – the UK equivalent of ‘you suck.’ As much as I wanted to hit back, I knew it wasn’t the smart thing to do, so I bit my tongue and said nothing - not my proudest day. Today I know there are better ways, and I teach them in my communications coachings for leaders. These 7 are my favs: 1/ 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲) ↳ “I hear you – we could have done better, and we are working on it.” ↳ This disarms the critic and takes the wind out of their sails. 2/ 𝐏𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 (𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞) ↳ “That’s one way to see it. Here’s another.” ↳ Calm confidence beats emotional defensiveness. 3/ 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐚 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ↳ “Could you give me an example?” ↳ Invite feedback. You take control and appear curious. 4/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐀𝐁𝐂” 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 ↳ Answer briefly. Bridge to your key message. Communicate what really matters. ↳ “That’s fair, but what matters more is this…“ 5/ 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐭 ↳ “Cost is important, but let’s look at the impact…” ↳ Use tough feedback as a spotlight for your core message. 6/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 ↳ “Thank you, I will take it into consideration.” ↳ If it hurts, it may reveal an insight. Focus on what’s useful, not what’s hurtful. 7/ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ↳ Don’t take it personal – because it isn’t. See the bigger picture and keep your cool. You 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐲. But you do control how you respond. - - - - ♻️ Repost to help others, too. And follow Oliver Aust for more on leadership communications. ♟️ Want to become a top 1% communicator? Reach out here: https://lnkd.in/dc-TBhZU

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Want to stay motivated every single day? Borrow a strategy from Harvard. Then borrow another from stand up comedy. Together, they’re a powerhouse for momentum, motivation, and mastery. Here’s how it works: Let’s start with Harvard. Researcher Teresa Amabile studied 12,000 daily work diaries across 8 companies. She wanted to know: What truly motivates people on a day to day basis? What she found changed how we understand drive. The #1 driver of daily motivation wasn’t: Money Praise Perks It was progress. The days people made progress on meaningful work were the days they felt the best. Progress isn’t a luxury. It’s a psychological necessity. So how do we make progress feel visible especially on days when it’s not? Use a “Progress Ritual.” → At the end of the day, pause. → Write down 3 small ways you moved forward. → That’s it. No fanfare. Just ritual. This works because we rarely notice our progress in real time. It gets buried under busyness, meetings, and mental noise. The act of looking back gives your brain the reward it needs to keep going. Momentum builds from meaning. Now let’s add some comedy. Young Jerry Seinfeld had one goal: write new material every day. To stay on track, he created a brilliant system. Each day he wrote, he put a big red X on his calendar. Soon, a chain of Xs formed. And here’s the key: Don’t break the chain. One red X becomes two. Two becomes ten. Ten becomes identity. Whether you’re writing, coding, or training Daily action + visual chain = long-term motivation. Summary: The Two-Part Motivation System From Harvard: Record 3 ways you made progress each day. From Seinfeld: Mark an X for each day you show up then don’t break the chain. Progress fuels purpose. Consistency fuels confidence. Apply both and you’ll stay on track especially on the tough days. Because when your days get better, your weeks get better. When your weeks get better, your months get better. When your months get better, your life gets better. It starts with one small win today.

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

When Mary Barra took over GM's HR department, she found a 10-page dress code policy. She replaced all 10 pages with just two words: "Dress appropriately." The HR team panicked. A senior director sent an angry email demanding more detailed rules. But Barra held firm. When the director called to complain that his team wore jeans to government meetings, she didn't cave. Instead, she told him: "Have a conversation with your team." Two weeks later, he called back excited. His team had solved it themselves...they'd keep dress pants in their lockers for important meetings. Here's what happened across GM: 1. Managers started making decisions instead of following rulebooks 2. Employee engagement improved as people felt trusted 3. Bureaucracy dropped as leaders focused on outcomes, not compliance Barra realized: "If they can't handle 'dress appropriately,' what other judgment decisions are they not making?" She built a culture where thinking mattered more than rule-following. Most companies write longer policies to avoid problems. Mary wrote shorter ones to create leaders.

I worked 20-hour shifts during my residency. Forget time for family and friends, I often didn’t even have time to shower or eat. So when most of my patients talk about stress taking a toll on their health, I understand. But what we often ignore is that stress acts as your body's alert system for perceived threats. It leads you straight into survival mode - causing lack of sleep, anxiety, and countless health problems. So here are 4 simple solutions to reclaim control: ▶︎ 1. The physiological sigh: This is one of the fastest ways to calm down. - 1 deep inhale through the nose - 1 short inhale to top up - 1 long exhale to empty lungs Just 2-3 cycles of this technique will release the maximum amount of CO2, slow your heart rate and relax you. ▶︎ 2. Mel Robin’s 5-second rule: To break the cycle of anxiety and change your stress habits, simply count down from 5. 5-4-3-2-1. This exercise will: - Activate your prefrontal cortex - Interrupt your habitual thought loops - Shift your brain from fight-or-flight to action mode ▶︎ 3. The filters test: If you want to reduce stress, you need to curate your thoughts. Whenever you have a negative thought, answer these 3 questions: - Is it true? - Is it kind? - Is it helpful? If any of the answer is no, discard the chain of thought immediately. ▶︎ 4. Conquer your fear of judgment: Caring what people think is costing you your health. Choosing attachment (fitting in) over authenticity (being yourself) sets you up for long-term health issues. So forget about others' opinions. Remember, being healthy > seeking approval. These techniques actually work as our brains tend to: - Ignore the high costs of our inaction - Understate the positive results of taking action - Exaggerate negative consequences of taking action. How do you manage your stress? #healthandwellness #workplacehealth #stress

In the U.S., you can grab coffee with a CEO in two weeks. In Europe, it might take two years to get that meeting. I ’ve spent years building relationships across both U.S. and European markets, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: networking looks completely different depending on where you are. The way people connect, build trust, and create opportunities is shaped by culture-and if you don’t adapt your approach, you’ll hit walls fast. So, if you're an executive expanding globally, a leader hiring across regions, or a professional trying to break into a new market-this post is for you. The U.S.: Fast, Open, and High-Volume Americans love to network. Connections are made quickly, introductions flow freely, and saying "let's grab coffee" isn’t just polite—it’s expected. - Cold outreach is normal—you can message a top executive on LinkedIn, and they just might say yes. - Speed matters. Business moves fast, so meetings, interviews, and hiring decisions happen quickly. But here’s the catch: Just because you had a great chat doesn’t mean you’ve built a deep relationship. Trust takes follow-ups, consistency, and results. I’ve seen European executives struggle with this—mistaking initial enthusiasm for long-term commitment. In the U.S., networking is about momentum—you have to keep showing up, adding value, and staying top of mind. In Europe, networking is a long game. If you don’t have an introduction, it’s much harder to get in the door. - Warm introductions matter. Cold outreach? Much tougher. Senior leaders prefer to meet through trusted referrals—someone who can vouch for you. - Fewer, deeper relationships. Once trust is built, it’s strong and lasting—but it takes time to get there. - Decisions take longer. Whether it’s hiring, partnerships, or leadership moves, things don’t happen overnight—expect a longer courtship period. I’ve seen U.S. executives enter the European market and get frustrated fast—wondering why it’s taking months (or years!) to break into leadership circles. But that’s how the market works. The key to winning in Europe? Patience, credibility, and long-term thinking. So, What Does This Mean for Global Leaders? If you’re an American executive expanding into Europe… 📌 Be patient. One meeting won’t seal the deal—you have to earn trust over time. 📌 Get introductions. A warm referral is worth more than 100 cold emails. 📌 Don’t push too hard. European business culture favors depth over speed—respect the process. If you’re a European leader entering the U.S. market… 📌 Don’t wait for permission—reach out. People expect direct outreach and initiative. 📌 Follow up fast. If you’re slow to respond, the opportunity moves on without you. 📌 Be ready to show value quickly. Americans won’t wait months to see if you’re a fit. Networking isn’t just about who you know—it’s about how you build relationships. #Networking #Leadership #ExecutiveSearch #CareerGrowth #GlobalBusiness #US #Europe

Just by being Black, the level of latitude you're given for behaviour – especially behaviour deemed "bad" – is often completely different. The consequences are harsher and the scrutiny is sharper. Take disciplinary matters, for example. Black employees are often judged more harshly for the same behaviours as their white counterparts. A Black professional might be labelled “difficult”, “angry”, “intimidating”, or “unprofessional” for expressing frustration in a meeting, while a white colleague might be excused as “passionate” or “assertive”. You know the type of comments – “Elizabeth is just expressing how she feels,” or “Johnny was just a bit hot under the collar.” The disparity isn’t just anecdotal – it’s backed up by research into workplace racial bias. Then there’s career progression. Black employees are frequently held to higher standards to earn the same recognition. Feedback like, “You need to prove yourself more” or “be more of a team player” is often levelled at those who have already delivered exceptional results. Meanwhile, others are promoted based on potential or likeability rather than consistent performance. Not sure if this is (or has) happened in your workplace? 1) Look at patterns in employee relations cases – Are Black employees disproportionately disciplined or receiving harsher feedback compared to their peers in similar roles? 2) Examine promotion criteria – Are Black employees expected to overperform just to be considered for opportunities, while others get ahead based on vague ideas of potential or even subpar performance? How do performance and potential ratings for Black employees compare with others? 3) Observe how behaviours are labelled – Is there a difference in the language used to describe similar actions? Are words like “angry” or “unapproachable” disproportionately applied to Black colleagues? For Black women, how are their traits described compared to non-Black women? For Black men, what “advice” is given under the guise of mentorship to ensure they aren’t perceived as “intimidating” or “scary” – particularly when they express frustration or anger? To address this, the first step is noticing the patterns (or not dismissing or acting defensively when it’s pointed out), the second is to question and avoid making assumptions that it is an “unfounded accusation” and the third? Well, that’s up to you. You can either take action or ignore it. I say that only because too many organisations are still struggling to get past the first step 🤷🏾♀️ 📹 Sterling K. Brown

Essential Cybersecurity Knowledge for IT Professionals As technology becomes increasingly integral to business operations, a solid understanding of cybersecurity fundamentals is crucial for all IT professionals. This knowledge is key to effectively safeguarding our organizations against evolving threats. Key cybersecurity concepts every IT professional should understand: 1. Phishing: Recognizing and preventing email-based attacks that can lead to data breaches. 2. Ransomware: Understanding encryption-based extortion tactics to ensure business continuity. 3. Denial-of-Service (DoS): Identifying and mitigating attacks that disrupt service availability. 4. Man-in-the-Middle (MitM): Protecting the integrity and confidentiality of data in transit. 5. SQL Injection: Safeguarding databases against unauthorized access and manipulation. 6. Cross-Site Scripting (XSS): Securing web applications against client-side code injection. 7. Zero-Day Exploits: Developing strategies to defend against previously unknown vulnerabilities. 8. DNS Spoofing: Preventing the redirection of traffic to malicious destinations. Proficiency in these areas enables IT professionals to identify risks, implement effective countermeasures, and contribute to a robust security posture. Continuous learning in cybersecurity is not just beneficial—it's imperative for the protection of our digital assets and the trust of our stakeholders. What cybersecurity topics do you think deserve more attention in IT professional development?

This is so true. I was a terrible manager when first given the opportunity. Leading by example came naturally to me, but quality management is an art and science that wasn’t prepared for. Although i’m not as terrible as I was before, I’m still learning everyday and trying to share what i’ve learned with others going through the same boat. Here are a few things i’ve learnt along the way: * Promote Work-Life Balance: Encourage employees to take breaks, use their holiday entitlement, and set boundaries between work and personal life. Lead by example by respecting these boundaries yourself. * Provide Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate goals, expectations, and timelines to reduce uncertainty and stress. Ensure that each team member understands their role and how it contributes to the overall success of the team. * Offer Support and Resources: Be approachable and available to listen to your team members' concerns and provide guidance. Offer resources such as counselling services, mental health days, or flexible working arrangements to support their well-being. * Recognise and Appreciate: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate your team members' contributions and achievements. This can be done publicly or privately, depending on the individual's preference, to boost morale and motivation. * Encourage Open Communication: Foster a culture of open communication where team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, concerns, and ideas without fear of judgement or reprisal. Actively listen to their feedback and address any issues promptly. * Provide Opportunities for Growth: Offer training, professional development opportunities, and career advancement paths to help employees develop their skills and reach their full potential. Recognise and celebrate their progress and achievements along the way. * Promote Collaboration and Team Bonding: Encourage collaboration, teamwork, and mutual support among team members. Organise team-building activities, social events, or volunteer opportunities to strengthen relationships and foster a sense of belonging. * Lead with Empathy and Compassion: Take the time to understand your team members' individual needs, challenges, and strengths. Show empathy and compassion in your interactions and decisions, and be flexible and accommodating when necessary. * Create a Positive Work Environment: Foster a positive and inclusive work environment where diversity is valued, and everyone feels respected, heard, and appreciated. Address any conflicts or issues promptly and promote a culture of mutual respect and support. * Monitor and Address Burnout: Keep an eye out for signs of burnout, such as decreased productivity, increased absenteeism, or changes in behaviour. Take proactive steps to address workload issues, provide additional support, or adjust expectations as needed to prevent burnout and support employee well-being. Hope these help! Your team will thank you for it ❤️ ♻️Tobi Oluwole