Identifying Perfectionism Triggers

80% of the high performers I coach describe themselves as perfectionists. But here’s what we uncover very quickly: It’s not about high standards. It’s about how their brain has been trained to keep them safe. Because perfectionism isn’t a personality trait. It’s a mental loop. One rooted in past experiences, reinforced by success culture, and hardwired into your nervous system. → “If I get it just right, I’ll avoid judgment.” → “If I don’t fail, I’ll stay in control.” → “If I keep pushing, I’ll stay ahead.” The brain loves certainty. And for many high performers, perfectionism feels like certainty. But the truth? It’s a false sense of control that keeps you stuck in overthinking, hesitation, and delay. And it’s costing you growth. Neuroscience tells us that the brain processes emotional threat the same way it processes physical pain. Which is why anything that risks “not being good enough” feels so deeply uncomfortable. But here’s where everything changes: Once you retrain your brain to stop chasing certainty—and start choosing momentum over mastery—you rewire your identity. In my coaching practice, this is the shift I help high performers make: → From intellectualizing their fear… to building emotional capacity to move through it. → From over-preparing… to trusting their own thinking in real-time. → From perfection as protection… to progress as power. And this is where the real breakthroughs happen. Some of the boldest changes I’ve witnessed in my clients came after they dropped the perfection narrative: 1 ➡️ Leaving a role that looked “perfect” on paper—but felt lifeless ↳ The clarity came only after they stopped trying to optimize their next move 2 ➡️ Setting boundaries that felt terrifying at first ↳ But built their confidence faster than any external win ever had 3 ➡️ Launching a new direction with no guarantee of success ↳ And realizing that action—not certainty—is what shapes identity So let me ask you: → What’s one decision you’ve been postponing until it’s “perfect”? → And what would shift if you trusted yourself enough to move anyway? Because success at the next level isn’t about polishing your edges. It’s about upgrading your mind. And that starts with one bold, imperfect action. If this resonates, drop me a DM and let’s talk about how to retrain your brain to think, lead, and live at the level you actually want. PS. try out my 3 Brain Shifts to Break Free from Perfectionists.

Sunday research dump: Here's a paradox. Perfectionism is the #1 most commonly endorsed cognitive distortion in adults with ADHD. I'll let that sink in. The condition stereotyped as "can't focus, loses things, runs late" is most associated with an obsessive drive toward flawlessness. I've been sitting with this research, and it's reshaping how I think about high-performing neurodivergent leaders. Here's what the data shows: A 2016 study at UPenn's adult ADHD clinic found perfectionism topped the list of cognitive distortions in their clinical sample. A 2023 study of 3,700+ college students found that higher ADHD symptom scores correlated with higher perfectionism AND lower standards for task completion AND harsher self-judgment when falling short. The researchers titled their paper "Low Standards Yet Disappointed." Read that again. People with ADHD often lower their expectations because they've learned they might not finish. But they still judge themselves brutally when they don't meet even those reduced goals. It's a neurological no-win scenario. So why does this happen? For many neurodivergent leaders, perfectionism isn't about high achievement. It's armor. After years of being criticized for missed details, forgotten deadlines, or "careless mistakes," the brain learns that flawlessness = safety. If I can just get this perfect, no one can criticize me. If I wait until conditions are exactly right, I won't fail. It's a trap. Perfectionism becomes the very thing that creates failure. You can't start until you know exactly how to do it right. You can't finish because it's not quite perfect yet. You procrastinate because "imperfect conditions" feel doomed from the start. And then you berate yourself for being "lazy," when what's actually happening is a sophisticated avoidance mechanism your brain built to protect you from shame. So what does this mean for organizations? That leader who seems "paralyzed" on a project might not be struggling with capability. They might be drowning in perfectionism that nobody sees. It means the executive who misses deadlines then delivers exceptional work at 11pm is likely experiencing the perfectionism-procrastination cycle – the only time they can move is when external pressure overrides internal standards (hello dopamine chasing). And for that high performer who can't delegate – it might be control. Or it might be perfectionism whispering that no one else will do it "right." We've been coaching neurodivergent leaders to "lower their standards" or "just start" without understanding the neurological architecture underneath. Perfectionism in ADHD isn't a personality flaw. It's often a trauma response to years of criticism for things the brain couldn't help. The work isn't convincing someone to care less. It's helping them feel safe enough to be imperfect. That's a fundamentally different intervention. #NeurodivergentLeadership #ADHDLeadership #Perfectionism #ExecutiveCoaching

As someone with OCD and anxiety, "perfectionism" is practically built into my operating system. I used to think it made me a better lawyer. It didn't. Here's how perfectionism + OCD/anxiety showed up in my early legal career: • Re-reading emails 12+ times before sending • Nitpicking every sentence in a document • Marking up contracts way more than necessary • Spending 3 hours on 30-minute tasks • Believing one missed comma could derail an entire deal As a junior attorney learning contract drafting, all associates tend to over-edit. It's practically a rite of passage. But my perfectionism took this to another level. I would scrutinize documents until the words lost meaning. Every minor edit felt like it might be the difference between success and catastrophic failure. It took years to realize I was actually making myself less effective. "Perfect is the enemy of good" wasn't just a saying - it was describing my daily struggle. The breakthrough came when I adopted a new standard: "Do the best I can in the time I have." This simple shift changed everything for me. It forced me to: • Acknowledge that time is finite • Recognize when additional revisions yield diminishing returns • Set clear boundaries on how long I'd work on something • Focus on client needs rather than my anxiety The result? I actually produce better work now. I still maintain high standards - that's essential in legal work. But I've learned that clients don't want perfect - they want practical, timely, and effective. Sometimes that means knowing when a document is "good enough" to serve its purpose, even if I could theoretically keep polishing it forever. This isn't just a productivity hack - it's been crucial for my mental health. Being open about my OCD/anxiety and how it affects my work has been part of my journey toward a healthier approach to my practice. What perfectionistic habits have you had to unlearn in your career?

I’m obsessed with social researcher and author Brené Brown’s description of perfectionism versus healthy striving. Particularly because it helped me understand the darker side of my own perfectionism. According to her: “1. Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of blame, judgment, and shame. 2. Perfectionism is an unattainable goal. It’s more about perception than internal motivation, and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy is spent trying. 3. Perfectionism is addictive, because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right. 4. Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, judgment and blame, which then leads to more shame, judgment and blame: It’s my fault. I’m feeling this way because I’m not good enough.”” Just wow. Those definitions blew my mind and were the turning point for me to start to see my perfection not as something to proudly hold on to, but as something that was slowly crushing my spirit. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲: - Having high (often unattainable) standards in every aspect of life — from work to personal projects. - Revisiting and revising work obsessively.  - Inability to delegate to others for fear it won’t be good enough.  - Choosing to avoid doing something for fear of failure/ that it won’t be perfect.  - Procrastinating because of the fear of not being able to do it perfectly. - Self-criticism, sometimes out of fear that others will criticize them if they don’t do it first. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘁: - Ultimately perfectionism comes from equating our worth with our achievements. - It comes from wanting to control the perspectives of others.  - As Brené Brown tells us, it’s motivated by wanting to minimize shame, judgment and blame. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝗻: - Burnout: When we overwork to meet our own unattainable standards. - Shame: When we inevitably fail to meet our unattainable standards, we feel disappointed in ourselves rather than proud of the great work we did do. - Isolation: When we fail to delegate and take it all on ourselves, we can feel quite lonely. - Slow decision-making: When we fear we’ll make an imperfect decision it can hold us back from making one at all. - Impaired relationships: Our relationships can be strained as the need for perfection extends to others. - Reduced productivity: When we spend excessive time on minor details or revisions rather than progressing our most important tasks and projects. Where in your life have you strived for very high standards? Did it come from a place of healthy striving? Or was it to attempt to control others’ perceptions of you?

4️⃣ 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗺 Perfectionism is associated with a variety of undesirable consequences (e.g., anxiety, burnout, and exercise addiction), so it is important that coaches help such athletes. However, it should be noted that athletes who score high on perfectionism may actively avoid seeking help, because this trait inhibits help seeking behaviours (e.g., Abdollahi et al., 2017; Zeifman et al., 2015). Research by Donnachie and Hill (2020) and Mosewhich et al. (2013) found that perfectionism can be reduced within athletes. The Donnachie and Hill study gave participants a self-help book by Antony and Swinson (2009). Coaches could adopt the following strategies from the book: 1️⃣ 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙄𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 It is essential that athletes are aware of their thoughts and behaviours. Antony and Swinson (2009) suggested that athletes complete a thought monitor and behaviour form. In this form, athletes describe their perfectionistic behaviours, their emotional responses (and intensity out of 100, with 100 being the most intense and 1 being the least intense), and their perfectionistic thoughts. 2️⃣ 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝘼𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙄𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙢 𝙏𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨  Antony and Swinson (2009) suggested that perfectionistic athletes should identify the triggers of their perfectionistic thoughts and behaviours. Coaches could ask athletes to make a diary in which they record these triggers. 3️⃣ 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝘼𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘿𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙐𝙣𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 An athlete with perfectionistic standards means that goals are very difficult to achieve or can only be met at a high cost to the athlete or others around him or her. As such, coaches can talk to the athlete about the difference between having helpful and unhelpful standards. Adapted from Antony and Swinson (2009), coaches could ask athletes questions such as:   1. “How do your standards differ from other athletes or teammates?”  2. “To what extent do you meet your standards on a consistent basis?” 3. “Can your teammates meet your standards?” 4. “In what ways, if any, do your standards help you achieve your goals?” 6. “Describe the costs of ignoring some of your standards.” 7. “Describe the sporting benefits of relaxing your standards.” 4️⃣ 𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙎𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝘼𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙨  Self-compassion involves caring for oneself during stressful periods and not being too hard on oneself, due to any mistakes made (Neff, 2003). A study that taught athletes self-compassion found that it was successful in reducing self-criticism, rumination, and concern over mistakes, which are all characteristics of perfectionism (Mosewich et al., 2013).

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 "𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲" 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗺. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲. I had the absolute pleasure of seeing Michelle Mah deliver a gripping and emotively inspirational TEDx talk yesterday among other courageous luminaries. So it triggered me thinking about how perfectionism impacts leaders and founders. Perfectionism has some tell-tale signs. R1. Fear of Mistakes R2. Procrastination R3. Critical of Self and Others R4. Inability to Delegate R5. All-or-Nothing Thinking R6. Need for Approval R7. Hypersensitive or Difficulty Accepting Criticism R8. Overemphasis on Results R9. Rigid Standards R10 Obsessive Organization But they are not the root. Without self-compassion, such thinking will cause uncontrollable spiraling. It will feel lonely and like nobody understands. Hold space for your emotions. Perfection has a golden thread to many of them. Frustration of getting substandard results. Anger at people not "getting you". Anxiety that you can't get what you want. Fear. Of people blaming you for a bad outcome. That you will have regrets. That you might never get another chance. That others will no longer accept you. Instead, focus on these mindsets: M1. "I am enough." M2. "Done is better than perfect." M3. "Progress, not perfection." M4. "Mistakes are growth opportunities." M5. "I choose to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome." M6. "It's okay to say no and set boundaries." M7. "Flaws are not inadequacies." M8. "I will give myself grace when I make a mistake." M9. "Excellence does not require perfection." M10. "I don't have to do it all." To do this, a journaling practice can help. Try out this practice from an earlier post! https://lnkd.in/girq4JMF Or try the R.E.A.C.H. formula: https://lnkd.in/gU_qFe3c -- For more content, follow me Stuart Tan MSc., MBA

🧠 What if your perfectionism is actually holding you back from the success you're seeking? 🧠 Research shows perfectionism can lead to anxiety, procrastination, and burnout. But recognizing the signs is the first step to freedom. Here are some questions to help you identify and overcome perfectionist patterns: → FLAW PHOBIA Do you avoid tasks where you might make mistakes? What small risk could you take today where the stakes are low? → UNREALISTIC STANDARDS Are your expectations for yourself (or others) impossible to meet? What would "good enough" look like for your current project? → APPROVAL ADDICTION Do you need constant validation to feel worthy? When did you last trust your own judgment over others' opinions? → RESULT RIGIDITY Are you so focused on perfect outcomes that you miss the learning journey? What progress have you made recently that deserves celebration? → COMPULSIVENESS Do you spend too much time refining things that are already good? Where could you accept "organized flexibility" instead of perfect control? → RUMINATION RIPTIDE Do you replay past mistakes or worry about future errors? What past "mistake" actually taught you something valuable? 🧠 Remember: Progress over perfection. Growth over flawlessness. Learning over being right. Which perfectionist pattern resonates most with you? 👇 📌📌📌Get 50+ of my best, brain-based resources for FREE & subscribe to my newsletter: https://lnkd.in/gsvzggqJ ____________________________ ♻️ Like and share this post #Perfectionism #GrowthMindset #Wellbeing #NeuroCoachingGroup

I need to get better at being worse at my job. Here’s why: I hate making mistakes. I have unreasonably high standards. And (I cringe to type this) I just want to be the best at everything I do. If reading that made you tired, you’re right: perfectionism is exhausting. Maintaining constant high standards takes time and emotional commitment and causes stress. Just as bad is that perfectionism interferes with my relationships. I tend to hold those around me to the same high standards (MY standards, not THEIRS). So when they (reasonably) fail to meet the standards, I can get resentful and impatient. My creativity suffers too. When I’m focused on being the best, I get way too “heads down” and miss what’s happening around me. I know this perfectionist habit will not be easy to break, but I’m determined to start the process by asking myself these five questions: 1. How can I make this task less stressful? ➡️ Rather than “how can I do this perfectly?” I’m asking, “what could I do to make this easier?” For example, I’ve started giving myself time limits for how long I’ll work on a project, or outsourcing parts of it to others. 2. Is that mistake the end of the world? ➡️ I guarantee it’s not. So stop pretending it is (Amy!). 3. Are you being nice to yourself? ➡️ When it’s time to review work I remind myself that I’m not perfect and that’s OK. 4. Can I lower my standard and still be satisfied with the outcome? ➡️ Chances are yes. What would the end result look like if I dialed it back 10 or 20%? 5. Am I ruminating or problem solving? ➡️ Sometimes when I overthink something I convince myself that it’s helpful. Now I ask myself if I’m solving a problem or just spinning. 🌟 On avoiding “compound perfectionism”: The sneaky thing about perfectionism is that it makes me want to be perfect at not being perfect. (A gift that keeps on giving!) So while these questions are meant to help me change my habits, I do NOT want them to become another unreasonably high standard. So if (just kidding, when) I forget to ask myself these questions, I have to let it go. I have to say: “It’s okay, Amy. You’re doing really well. You’re learning new habits, and it takes time to change. I’m proud of you for trying something new and challenging.” Here’s to being worse at my job(s), from writing to parenting and everything in between. Are you with me? (And for more on this, see the link in the comments.)

Perfectionism feels like excellence. Your brain calls it threat avoidance. Most leaders think they're maintaining high standards. They're not. They're managing anxiety by controlling outcomes. Here's what's actually happening: Under pressure, your amygdala flags uncertainty as danger. ↳ Perfectionism becomes a strategy to feel safe. You're not raising the bar. ↳ You're shrinking the margin for error until there's no room to move. I worked with a founder who rewrote every presentation five times. She called it "maintaining quality." Her team called it a bottleneck. When we mapped her patterns, the truth emerged: ↳ She wasn't perfecting. She was protecting. ↳ Every revision was her nervous system trying to eliminate the threat of criticism. Here's the neuroscience: When your amygdala perceives threat, it hijacks your prefrontal cortex. ↳ The part that thinks strategically gets overridden by the part that avoids danger. Perfectionism isn't about standards. ↳ It's about control when your nervous system feels unsafe. The brain can't tell the difference between excellence and anxiety. ↳ Both feel like urgency. ↳ Both demand attention. ↳ But only one creates progress. Here's the difference: Excellence asks: "What serves the goal?" Perfectionism asks: "What protects me?" Excellence creates options. Perfectionism eliminates risk. Excellence is regulated. Perfectionism is reactive. The leaders who perform best under pressure? They've trained their nervous system to separate quality from safety. Here's how: ✔️ Notice when you're revising from fear. Ask: "Am I improving this, or avoiding discomfort?" ✔️ Name the threat. "My brain thinks this presentation could expose me." Awareness interrupts the loop. ✔️ Set done criteria before you start. Your anxious brain will always find one more thing. ✔️ Practice finishing at 85%. Ship it. Watch your nervous system learn it's safe. Perfectionism doesn't protect your reputation. ↳ It protects your nervous system from feeling vulnerable. The cost? Speed. Innovation. Trust from your team. You don't need to be perfect. You need to be regulated enough to choose excellence over control. --- ♻️ Share this with a leader learning to let go of perfection. Follow me, Ashley Douglas for more neuroscience-based insights on clarity, resilience, and modern leadership. --- Each week, I dive deeper into applied neuroscience for business & modern leadership in my newsletter    👉 https://lnkd.in/druJ7FFK -> It's where I unpack the science behind clarity, resilience, and performance.

“I’ll workout after I clean the garage… and check my email… and maybe scroll LinkedIn for inspiration (ahem).” We laugh, but here’s the truth: Procrastination isn’t laziness. It’s a self-protection mechanism. You feel overwhelmed, under-motivated, or anxious about the outcome… so your brain (low on dopamine) whispers, “Let’s do something easier.” That’s how you end up doing laundry instead of lifting, researching fonts instead of writing, or shopping online instead of starting that course you swore you’d finish. It’s called temporal discounting ... choosing a short-term mood boost (like snacks, scrolling, or cleaning) over long-term progress (like submitting the proposal or hitting the gym). And it’s supercharged when stress, perfectionism, and unhelpful beliefs collide. Let’s break this down: 🔹 Low dopamine = low motivation Chronic stress depletes dopamine. And the lower your dopamine, the harder it is to do things that don’t offer instant reward (like writing that book or prepping for a meeting). 🔹 Negative thoughts trigger avoidance Thoughts like “I’ll mess this up,” “I’m not ready,” or “It needs to be perfect” don’t just discourage you, they drain you. Your brain goes: threat detected → avoid to protect. 🔹 Quick fixes become habits Every time you bail on the hard thing for the quick thing, your brain gets a little dopamine hit. The cycle reinforces itself: discomfort → distraction → relief → guilt → repeat. So what can you do? 🟢 Recognize the pattern. It’s not just about willpower. It’s about emotional regulation. You’re not avoiding the task, you’re avoiding the FEELING you associate with the task. 🟢 Challenge the thoughts. Instead of “I need to be in the right headspace,” try “I’ll just do 5 minutes.” Instead of “I can’t ask for help,” try “I’m not meant to do this alone.” 🟢 Start before you’re ready. You don’t need motivation to begin. Action CREATES motivation. (Not the other way around!) Progress... not perfection... is the antidote. Because here’s the thing most people miss: You’re not procrastinating because you don’t care. You’re procrastinating because you DO… and you’re scared you won’t get it right. Let that land. ------ Follow me (Jon Macaskill) for leadership insights, wellness tools, and strategies to rewire the way you think, work, and live. And yeah… if you know someone stuck in the “I’ll do it later” loop — send this their way or repost. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You’ll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course — full of tools to help you break the cycle and lead with clarity and calm.