Coaching Communication Techniques

Building ‘thinking’ football teams… When I was sport psychology consultant at Feyenoord I was given permission by Arne Slot to work with small groups of players. The aim was to develop task cohesion and improve the team shared mental model we had developed around High Performance Mindset (HPM). Players in all sports don’t talk enough. Their stock and trade is action - to do rather than think, to do rather than talk. Whilst this doesn’t necessarily cause a problem, it does eliminate a coaching tool that can aid in developing a team - conversation. Conversation between players isn’t prized enough in professional sport. Discourse is a high performance enabler and I’m going to provide you with a few reasons why. 1. It primes attention. Conversation allows players to share what they’re looking for as they compete. It gives them an opportunity to discuss the cues they see…what cues help and what cues hinder. Conversation can bolster a more accurate external focus of attention during a game. 2. It primes intensity. Conversation allows players to share with each other what frustrates them and what causes over-activation. And it allows them to discuss the indicators of lower activation (such as lethargy) so that teammmates can better identify this situation and learn how to help them. 3. It primes intent. Conversation can help players to clarify the game plan better enabling them to play purposefully, positively, and proactively. It can help them discuss the specific challenges they face when their team shape breaks down or how they’ll help each other deal with the constant probing of the opposition. Conversation is a rarity in elite adult (and developing elite adult) sport. Coaches can be fearful of players over-thinking. Coaches can be scared of players confusing themselves. Coaches can be worried that players will push back at the idea of having to exercise their cerebral muscles. So this is where the skill of facilitation needs to be developed. The abiiity to ask open questions, listen carefully, reflect back what’s heard, break points made down to controllables, make suggestions, on-board players into the conversation. This is where the art and science of conversational facilitation collide. This is coaching. This is coaching excellence…

Last week, I was invited to speak with a group of young managers and emerging leaders. The conversation was wide-ranging: leadership, coaching, current challenges, and what’s ahead. They came with lots of curiosity, openness, and stimulating questions that mattered a lot to them. At one point, someone asked: “What’s actually in the toolbox of a great coach?” What do you need to know, and how do you need to work to genuinely support others? I shared this: It starts with you (the “armchair”) If you’re not comfortable with yourself, you can’t be present with someone else. You need to be able to settle. To quiet the noise inside. Coaching begins with being fully available in the moment, without trying to impress or fix or steer. Then: listening. Real listening (the “stethoscope”) Not reacting. Not preparing your next question. Active listening means listening for their truth. Not your version of it. And being okay with the silence in between. And from that space, you ask open questions (the “wonder questions”) Not to lead, but to unlock. Questions like: What’s on your mind? What part of this feels most unresolved? What would progress look like for you? Not for the organization, but for you? These questions don’t direct. They expand. We also talked about reframing and the ability to change perspective (the “mirror”) Someone may come in saying, “I’ve failed. This project fell apart.” And through the process, they come to see, “I challenged the status quo, and now I see what needs to change.” Reframing means looking again, differently, until new meaning, and often new energy, appears. Then came the conversation about goals (the “bow and arrow”) Coaching should have a goal. But it’s not the coach’s goal. It’s the coachee’s. And it’s not about ticking boxes. It’s about growth and transformation. The coach doesn’t lead that journey. They walk beside it. You hold the process, not the answers. You stay in service of their direction. And underneath all of this: self-awareness (the “enlightened mind”) Not as a nice to have. As a discipline. You should be aware of your own biases and your blind spots. You need to learn how to empty yourself, so you don’t bring your own values or assumptions into the space. Your work isn’t to shape the coachee in your image. It’s to create space for them to discover who they want to become. On their terms. That was the conversation. It left me quietly optimistic, because what they were asking wasn’t just about tools. It was about responsibility. About how we show up and help others to leverage their potential. What do you think? *********************** If you want to learn more about coaching, feel free to reach out on Linkedin or via my website. I´m an executive coach, consultant, and advisor to senior leaders and entrepreneurs worldwide. A former leader at Amazon, L’Oréal, Chewy, and executive board member at Tchibo. #coach #coaching #growth #personaldevelopment #team #fulfillment #leader #leadership

My secret to coaching is a 3 part structure—Agreement, Awareness, and Action. That’s the process I stick to. It works, and it gives a clear direction to the conversation. But beyond all that, there’s one thing that I always keep at the center, one cardinal rule—meet the client where they are. Let me give you an example. If a client comes into a session and starts pouring their heart out—just let them. Don’t worry about the structure in that moment. Forget about the process. Just be there for them. Hold space. Let them speak until they have nothing left to say. And when they stop, pause and THEN you ask a question. But don’t ask something like, ‘What do you want to take away from this session?’ That’s making it about the outcome. That’s your agenda coming in. Instead, try asking, ‘You’ve shared so much—how are you feeling right now?’ or ‘What are you uncovering for yourself in all that you’ve just shared?’ See the difference? You’re putting the focus back on the client—not on the session’s outcome or your process. And if the whole session ends up being about figuring out what the client actually needs, that’s fine. That’s still valuable. You don’t need to force the process—you just need to trust it. When you’re truly present and holding space without judgment, you allow the client to hear their own voice. And that’s where the real shift happens. P.S.: When was the last time you truly met a client where they were—not where you thought they should be? Picture by Abbiramy S R

Every morning starts the same way: with Nash expecting (demanding?) some deep, uninterrupted eye contact. We look into each other’s eyes, and I smile at her with love while she probably thinks about cheese. But nevertheless, we start each day connected, caring, and calm. Now, I know direct eye contact isn’t for everyone. For some, it might feel unnatural, uncomfortable, or even culturally inappropriate. And while eye contact is one way to make a meaningful connection with colleagues, clients, family, and friends, it’s not the only way. If you’re looking to build more empathy, trust, and rapport, here are 5 tips to consider — many of which I learned in coaching school: 1. Listen like you mean it Put down your phone and close your laptop. Stop mentally rehearsing your response. Active listening means being fully present, asking follow-up questions, and reflecting back what you’ve heard. When someone feels genuinely heard, connection happens naturally. 2. Match their energy Pay attention to someone’s pace, tone, and body language, then gently mirror it. If they’re speaking softly, lower your volume. If they lean in, lean in too. This subtle synchronization creates a sense of being on the same wavelength without saying a word about it. 3. Show up consistently Trust isn’t built in grand gestures but in small, repeated actions. Return calls when you say you will. Remember details from previous conversations. Follow through on commitments. Reliability is one of the most underrated connection builders out there. 4. Use your words wisely Sometimes the simplest phrases create the deepest impact: “Tell me more about that,” “That sounds really hard,” or “I appreciate you sharing this with me.” Naming what you observe or feel can bridge gaps that feel like chasms. 5. Respect their communication style Some people connect through storytelling, others through problem-solving, and some through comfortable silence. Notice what makes someone light up or relax, then meet them there. Connection isn’t about what works for you; it’s about what works between you. Meaningful connection has less to do with where you’re looking and everything to do with how you’re showing up. Nash might be thinking about cheese during our morning ritual, but she’s also teaching me that presence, even in its simplest form, matters. #empathy #relationships #coaching

Why Your Brilliant Ideas Get Ignored: The Hidden Psychology of Workplace Credibility Research consistently shows that workplace credibility is established within the first 30 seconds of interaction, yet many professionals struggle with being taken seriously due to presentation rather than competence. Here's what I observe coaching professionals: we focus on being right while ignoring the psychology of being heard. The credibility killers sabotaging your career:  → Apologizing before sharing ideas ("This might be wrong, but...")  → Over-explaining to prove competence instead of demonstrating confidence → Speaking in questions instead of statements ("Maybe we should consider...?") After coaching individuals for over 20 years, I’ve noticed that people often make competency judgments very quickly, and these judgments are usually based on confidence markers rather than expertise, such as strong, steady eye contact, a clear and measured speaking voice, and assured physical presence It’s a perceived authority that comes from specific behavioral signals that can be learned. Here’s a credibility framework that I use with clients and that works: 🔹 Master Decisive Communication  ➤ Replace "I think maybe we could..." with "I recommend we..." Replace questions with statements.  ↳ Tentative language signals uncertainty about your expertise. 🔹 Own Your Contributions  ➤ Start with "Based on my analysis..." Never start with apologies or disclaimers.  ↳ People respect professionals who own their expertise rather than downplay it. 🔹 Use Strategic Silence  ➤ After making a point, pause for 3 seconds instead of immediately explaining further.  ↳ Over-explaining signals insecurity. Confident professionals make their point and trust it. 🔹 Document Your Impact  ➤ Keep a weekly record of contributions and outcomes. Reference these in discussions.  ↳ Concrete examples establish credibility more quickly than generic claims about hard work. Being taken seriously isn't about fairness—it's about psychology. The most respected person understands how credibility actually works. Stop hoping your work will speak for itself. Start speaking for your work with the authority it deserves. Coaching can help; let's chat. Enjoy this? ♻️ Repost it to your network and follow Joshua Miller for more tips on coaching, leadership, career + mindset. #CareerAdvice #Leadership #ProfessionalDevelopment #Workplace #ExecutiveCoaching #Communication

After 20 years of coaching, these 5 principles have stood the test of time. They’ve shaped how I lead, coach, and help athletes grow on and off the field. 1. Be Demanding, Not Demeaning Set high standards and expect excellence, but do it with respect. Athletes rise when they feel challenged, not belittled. Push them to their limits but always but always know when to back off. Criticism should build, not break. 2. Be Clear with Communication Clarity builds confidence. Speak with purpose, explain the why behind the what, and listen just as much as you speak. Athletes need to know where they’re going and why it matters. Confusion leads to hesitation and clear communication leads to action. 3. Be Consistent with Standards What you tolerate becomes the standard. Show up the same way every day. Focused, intentional, and reliable. Athletes don’t need perfection, but they do need predictability. Your consistency creates trust and sets the tone for the culture. 4. Be Adaptable to the athlete Every athlete is different mentally, physically, emotionally. What works for one might not work for another. Adjust your approach, your language, your methods without compromising your values. Adaptability isn’t weakness; it’s the ART of coaching. 5. Relationships Over Everything Before you’re a coach, you’re a person. Before they’re athletes, they’re people. Get to know them, what drives them, what they care about, what’s going on outside of their sport. Relationships are the foundation of real impact. Connection builds trust. And trust builds performance. When you lead with the heart, you earn the right to challenge their limits. Build a culture that succeeds and sustains.

As a coach, it can be difficult to build connections with all of your players. With numerous personnel, game preparation, and constant activity, it’s easy for athletes to feel invisible. A simple system for building a strong connection with players is through a simple technique called: “Notice, Name, and Ask” “Notice” a behavior worth highlighting, such as effort, leadership, or energy. “Name” it directly: “I noticed how locked in you were today.” Then “ask” a short follow-up: “What did you do differently today to lock-in like that?” This quick interaction tells the player, “I see you,” helps them recognize their own strengths, and strengthens your relationship at the same time. Small moments of recognition create deep trust.

Have you ever led a group coaching session that slowly turned into a roundtable of advice-giving? I have! It’s common, in groups to want to share advice and it’s tough because it always comes from the right place. Participants want to help each other. And yet, as coaches we know that while the intent is good, advice can take away the space for true reflection and growth. And so, it’s our role, as the gate-keeper of the integrity of our coaching groups, to help our participants reframe their advice. ✅ Set expectations early: In an orientation session, or individual meetings before the coaching begins, remind participants that coaching isn’t about giving advice but about helping others uncover their own insights. It often helps to back this with some good neuroscience data! ✅ Offer an alternative: Encourage members to write down their advice and share it privately after the session, or use 10 minutes at the end of the session to share advice / ideas and resources through the chat.  ✅ Teach the power of questions: Encourage peer coaching. Instead of saying, "You should talk to your leader about this," encourage reframing: "What might you gain from a conversation with your leader?" Pause and reset: If advice starts creeping in, gently bring the group back to the coaching process. Help them see what’s happening by naming it: “I’m noticing that we’re moving into advice giving. Let’s go back to coaching for the next 20 minutes”.  ✅ Make it interactive – Try an exercise where participants type their advice in the chat. Then, have the recipient look for themes rather than direct suggestions. ➡️ Shifting from advice to curiosity takes practice, and it strengthens the coaching culture of our groups. I’m curious, how do you guide your groups toward deeper reflection? Let me know in the comments!

The first time you say it out loud should never be in front of the customer. I see this all the time — smart, talented people with amazing ideas… who wing it when it matters most. Because in their head, it sounds perfect. But when they finally say it? It’s unclear. And thinking through what you’ll say is not the same as saying it. Here’s what you can do: Start by practicing out loud. ✔️ Use a mirror — full length, bathroom, whatever works. Because body language communicates 55% of your message. Watch yourself. Notice your posture, gestures, and tone. Then graduate to live practice. ✔️ Ask a colleague to be your audience. ✔️ Or record yourself — it’s awkward, but incredibly revealing. You’ll be amazed at what you learn. 👩💼 Manager Tip: Volunteer to demonstrate before your team presents to a customer. It’s a powerful role-modeling and a great coaching tool. 👩💻 Individual Contributor Tip: Ask your manager to listen and give feedback before the real call. It builds confidence and credibility. 💡 The takeaway: The first time you say it out loud is practice. The second time is polish. The third time? That’s when you own the room. ___ 📣 If your team struggles to communicate with clarity and confidence — I help leaders and sales teams master high-impact conversations through practical coaching. 👉 Comment “COMMUNICATE” or DM me “practice” and I’ll send you my framework for turning rehearsals into confident delivery.