The 'S' Word.

I posted this on Facebook back in November. I was asked at the time to publish it more widely, but, to my shame, I didn't.

Until now. Today it seems more urgent than ever to get this message out there.

I'm sharing with love. I'm sharing with hope that this can cause one person to think twice. I'm not sharing from a point of saying I'm perfect - I'm not - but I'm trying to be better every day. I'd really like to know what you think.

The 'S' Word.

I’ve questioned and responded to a few conversations on social media over the past few months…

Conversations that have sprung into life as a result of a coach (life or business) making a statement.

The statements that have grabbed me and got me to respond are those that contain the S- word.

This is a word that has always wound me up.

It’s a word that I’ve not allowed my children to use – and I hate the fact that it’s used glibly in TV programmes aimed at children – in fact I think there was a show that had the S-word in the title…

But it’s only now that I can really articulate what it is about this word that bothers me so much.

The use of this word is HUGELY dismissive and judgemental.

I got asked in one conversation – ‘what’s wrong with being judgmental?’

Well…. it’s this…

Most of the time when we;’re being judgmental, we have absolutely no idea of that person’s story, what has led them up to that point.

Even if we do know some of it, we likely have not experienced what they have, nor do we have the memories and inner stories and external pressures that they have.

We have our own.

So what, then – gives us the right to turn around to that person, put ourselves in position of judge – and pass comment (or worse) about something to do with them?

In being judgmental, aren’t we saying ‘I know better than you’. But how can we know better than them? We’re not living their life!!!

How many times have you heard someone pass comment about someone else’s parenting when they’re not even a parent themselves?

How does that build the person they’re talking about up?

How does that enable the person they’re talking about to give more love and support to their child?

I think that, if we ask ourselves, being judgemental stems from a feeling that we have of our own.

I was taught a long time ago that in an argument with someone we can stop it descending into a slanging match by ‘owning’ our feelings. For example, if I say ‘I feel really worried about …’ – no-one can argue with that because that’s your personal feeling.

How about, when we’re feeling judgmental, we stop for a moment and see what we’re really feeling?

If we’re honest, when we feel like commenting, or responding to a story we hear about something – our response comes from feeling angry, or upset, or disappointed, or afraid. Or plain just not understanding how something could happen.

But does that give us the right then to turn around and make a dismissive, sweeping statement about the person or people concerned?

Does it give us the right to use the S-word?

I really worry when I see it being bandied about by people in positions of influence – such as the coaches I mentioned earlier. People look to coaches, mentors and teachers for advice and guidance.

Do we really want people to be guided to being dismissive and not taking a step back to try and understand things from someone else’s perspective?

Do we really want to hear more heart-breaking stories like the one about the 13 year old boy who took his own life because he was bullied about his sexuality?

How does passing comment on Facebook or in the street have any relevance to that?

It has EVERY relevance!

The people that bullied that boy, that made him feel his life was unlivable, didn’t come out of the womb acting that way. They were influenced – by family, friends, peers, the media.

And today, more than ever – we ARE the media. We are INFLUENCERS.

The power of influence lead to those people responding to something they didn’t understand, or were scared of, by wanting to destroy it.

Isn’t that how wars start?

I had to share this.

It’s been gnawing away at my head.

I’m not perfect, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the S-word and actually where the use of it could lead us.

Oh and what is the S-word?

STUPID.

PS. No human is actually stupid. We’re all innately smart. Goes with the species.