When Coaches Get Hooked

One of the quiet challenges of coaching is that we are never just working with our clients’ emotions.

We are also working with our own.

Even with experience, training, and the best of intentions, coaches are not immune to being pulled off centre by what shows up in the room. Sometimes this happens subtly, sometimes suddenly, and often without us realising it at the time.

This is what emotional agility describes as being hooked.

What does it mean to get hooked?

Being hooked does not mean we have done something wrong. It means an emotion, a thought, or a story has grabbed hold of us and started to drive our behaviour.

In coaching, hooks often sound like:

• I need to help them get unstuck
• I should know what to do here
• This session needs to go somewhere useful
• I am not adding enough value

When we are hooked, our attention narrows. We become more attached to outcomes, to being helpful, or to being seen as competent. Our listening can become selective. Our curiosity can shrink.

We are still coaching, but from a more reactive place.

Why coaches are particularly vulnerable to hooks

Coaches spend a lot of time in uncertainty. That is part of the work. We sit with not knowing, with clients who are figuring things out in real time, often while under pressure themselves.

Uncertainty has a way of triggering emotional rigidity. When we feel unsure, emotions like anxiety, self-doubt, or urgency can show up quickly. Without awareness, we may default to familiar strategies that help us feel safer.

We might move too quickly to insight. We might over-structure the session. We might avoid a line of inquiry that feels uncomfortable. We might unconsciously steer the conversation away from something that touches our own edges.

These are not signs of poor coaching. They are signs of being human.

Emotional agility creates a pause

During my Emotional Agility certification with Susan David, one of the most powerful ideas was the importance of creating space between what we feel and how we act.

Emotional agility helps us notice when we are hooked without judging ourselves for it.

It invites questions such as: What am I feeling right now? What story am I telling myself? Is this helping me show up in line with my values as a coach?

That pause is small, but it is transformational.

It gives us the chance to unhook.

Unhooking does not mean disengaging

Unhooking is not about distancing ourselves from emotion or becoming overly clinical. It is about regaining choice.

When we unhook, we can stay present with a client’s discomfort without rushing to resolve it. We can notice our urge to fix and choose to listen instead. We can allow silence to do its work. We can trust the process, even when it feels slow or ambiguous.

This is where courage quietly lives in coaching. Not in doing more, but in staying with what is already here.

Hooks are teachers, if we let them be

One of the most useful shifts is to see hooks as information rather than problems. Our hooks often point to what matters to us. They reveal our values, our fears, and the stories we carry about our role as coaches.

When we reflect on them with honesty and compassion, they become part of our development rather than something to hide or eliminate.

The goal is not to never get hooked. The goal is to recognise it sooner, and to recover more gently when it happens.

A reflection for coaches

You might take a moment to reflect on the following:

• What situations or clients are most likely to hook me as a coach?
• What emotions tend to sit underneath those hooks?
• How do I usually notice that I have been pulled off centre?
• What helps me return to grounded confidence in a session?

Learning to work skillfully with hooks is a core part of developing emotional agility and courageous coaching. It is something I explore deeply in my own practice and within The Courageous Coach®️ Programme, where we focus on who we are being in the work, not just what we are doing.

In the next article, I will explore how values help us re-anchor ourselves when uncertainty and emotion are present, and why they are so central to grounded confidence as a coach.

If this resonates, you are very welcome to continue the series with me.

About me

I’m Melissa Hague — a coach, courage-builder, and Certified Dare to Lead™ Practitioner. I support coaches to build the courage, compassion, and grounded confidence they need to show up more fully in their work, their lives, and their businesses.

Much of my work centres around the quieter, more human side of coaching — the inner work, the small brave steps, and the spaces where we learn to trust ourselves a little more deeply. It’s the heart of what we explore inside The Courageous Coach® Programme: creating a practice and a business that feel aligned, meaningful, and true to who you are.

The dates are now live for the March 2026 cohort, and there'll be a second cohort starting in September 2026. Find out more about the programme at melissahague.com/courageous-coaches.