Uncovering the stories we live by

Today as I listened to Brene Browns insightful response to Charlottesville and her reminder about the power of knowing and owning our own stories, I reflected on the stories that so many of my clients be they individuals, teams or organisations reveal when we start to work together.  By stories I mean the narratives we create on our own or with the ‘help’ of others over the years, that guide how we operate, the decisions we make, the relationships we have, how we lead, how we follow. 

For many of us these stories we live by are not always apparent until someone, often a skilled coach, asks the ‘right’ question. As the youngest of 12 children I had a pretty solid story about scarcity – there's not enough time, work, food, money, attention, love. It wasn't until I experienced some great coaching that I was able to own that story and turn it around. Choosing to write a new story has allowed me to collaborate rather than compete and be so much more generous with my time, money and attention for others.    

An executive team I coached recently uncovered the story their organisation lived by was needing to say yes to every proposal that came through the door just in case it was the ‘next big thing’ for the business and the industry. The result was they were unable to prioritise, resource appropriately and ultimately unable to deliver the results they promised. Uncovering and testing that story and all the assumptions the leaders made as a result has enabled that executive team to challenge themselves and ultimately lead in a very different way.  It took time and was often deeply challenging but the team was able to write a new story.

As Brown says, ‘the pain and discomfort of owning a story is nothing compared with the pain and discomfort of living out that story’.