Talking to Children about Random Acts of Violence
As a parent of young children I’m troubled every time I hear or read a news story about an active shooter incident. Every few weeks, it seems, there’s another report of a deranged gunman opening fire at a school, church or other public place. In addition to worrying about the physical safety of my family, I’m often concerned with how much information about these types of incidents I should discuss with my children.
Simply brushing aside news reports of random acts of violence or telling children not to worry about it if they ask what happened shouldn’t even be considered. Children will often learn about horrific events through various news sources, social media and from friends, so when they look to us for answers we must do our best to help them understand and process what has occurred. Depending on the child’s age, adults have to talk to children about these types of events, no matter how difficult it may be.
A good start would be to find out what the child, or children, knows about the incident in question. Let their knowledge and inquiries guide you to how much information should be provided and ensure that the message is age appropriate. Early elementary school-age children may only need a brief explanation balanced with reassurances of their safety. Middle school children, on the other hand, will be more straightforward in their questioning and high school students may harbor strong feelings or opinions but they also need reassurance.
Reports of random violence can be frightening, particularly for children, and especially when they occur in places that many of us expect to be safe from harm, such as schools or churches. Indiscriminate acts of senseless violence are hard for everyone to understand but children are more vulnerable and they may not always express their concerns verbally. Any changes in a child’s behavior, appetite or sleep pattern immediately after reports of a violent or traumatic incident may be an indicator that they are feeling anxious or fearful.
It’s certainly normal for children – and adults – to experience feelings of discomfort, insecurity and grief following an active shooting or terror attack. Most of these symptoms will ease with reassurance and a return to a normal routine so every effort should be made to address children’s questions and concerns, allowing them to fully express their emotions. Let them know that it’s natural to feel angry or scared and acknowledge that bad people sometimes do terrible things to hurt others. Remind them that these types of events are unusual, that there are far more good people in the world, and that we must pull together during difficult times and support each other.
In the aftermath of a traumatic event all of us want to feel safe and secure, especially children. Parents and caregivers can help youngsters by talking to them about these incidents, addressing their fears and reassuring them to establish a sense of safety and normalcy. In my own experience, I’ve learned that having these types of honest conversations with my children has led to greater communication about world events and an increased level of awareness about personal safety.
Click here for additional information on Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters: What Parents Can Do
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