Pass the ball

International Women’s Day has passed, but if you know my household (and if you’ve ever heard my daughters belt out a certain line in Taylor Swift's “All Too Well - the 10 minute version) then you know that we celebrate women EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

So while I’m late to post for the social media celebrated IWD, I’m posting now. 

And my reason is simple - I haven’t been able to shake something I witnessed recently.

My daughter plays basketball as the only girl on a co-ed team, and last week as I was watching my daughter play I noticed a pattern I couldn’t ignore: The boys wouldn’t pass her the ball.

They’d pass to each other, they’d miss shots, a few times I saw them pass to another boy who was double-teamed - all before they’d pass the ball to my daughter (who oftentimes was in an optimal position to shoot). 

And I’ll be honest…I was watching this thinking, “This feels very different from my childhood.” I was the kid secretly hoping no one passed me the ball - terrified I’d make a mistake.

But my daughter? She wants the ball. She wants the opportunity. She wants to help the team win. (Little competitive thing is downright pissed when they lose)

And still - she’s not getting passed to.

So I asked her about it later. Her answer stuck with me:

“They don’t think I’m good enough to get the ball - that’s why they don’t pass to me.”

But it doesn't stop there. I started to notice another trend and that's what happens when she does get the ball (usually from a steal).

She doesn’t pass.

Not because she’s selfish, but because she’s desperate to prove she deserves to be there so that next time, just maybe, the boys will pass to her.

Now here’s the contrast.

I asked her about soccer, where she plays at a much more competitive level but with all girls.

“Why is it different there? Why do you all pass to each other?"

Her answer: “They trust me. And I trust them. If I’m open, they pass. If they have the shot, they take it. We just play as a team.”

That’s the difference.

Trust creates teams. Lack of trust creates proving grounds.

And proving grounds are where performance breaks down.

This isn’t just about sports.

Years ago, I was part of a situation at work that I’ve never shared publicly. Multiple women, on my team and outside of it, came to me with similar feedback about a male leader.

Nothing overt. No headline moment. But the pattern was clear:

• Talking over them
• Dismissing ideas
• Holding them to a different standard
• Making them feel… less than

I decided quickly that I wanted to protect them. I wanted to show them that we won’t enable a team that doesn’t pass the ball. I wanted to drive change.

So I brought their anonymous reports forward and put my name on it instead. I decided I'd carry the load and usher in the change. I trusted my leaders, specifically HR, to handle it the right way. To protect the women and me. To protect the integrity of the situation. To do their job.

To pass the ball and play as a team.

They didn’t. What was supposed to remain protected didn’t (confidential information was exposed publicly). What was supposed to be handled with care wasn’t (the entire c-suite was informed and then shared with others). And what was meant to shield those women ultimately exposed me.

It felt like we brought the movie “mean girls” to the workplace. I became the problem. The distraction. The one who “created the issue.”

And it hit me...

I wasn’t just not being passed the ball, I was being laughed at for even asking for it.

So why does this stand out to me now? It’s not a new issue.

Because I think about, talk about and consume AI daily. And as we watch AI continue to reshape the workforce, the same pattern is playing out at scale.

The GovAI and Brookings Institution think tank just revealed research that shows:

• ~37 million workers are in roles highly exposed to AI
• ~6 million of them are both highly exposed and least equipped to adapt
• And those roles are concentrated in administrative and support functions

Roles that are often:

• Less visible
• Less sponsored
• Less invested in

In other words - the people most at risk are the ones least likely to be “passed the ball” when change happens. 

And spoiler alert - 90% of those most vulnerable workers are women. 

Women are being asked to: Adapt. Re-skill. Figure it out. Prove themselves .

Again and again and again.

Without the same level of trust, support, or opportunity.

So when we ask, “Why are women getting left out? Why are women paid less than men? Why do we have less women in leadership?”

A big part of the answer is: Because we still haven’t built teams that consistently trust them, invest in them, and pass to them.

Instead, we put them in proving grounds - where they’re fighting for the ball instead of playing the game.

And this isn’t just on men. It’s on all of us.

If you’re a leader and you’ve earned a seat at the table, your job isn’t just to stay there.

It’s to bring others with you.

To pass the ball. To create trust. To make the team better.

Because the moment one woman gets in and doesn’t reach back, we’re reinforcing the same system we’re trying to change.

If we don’t link arms we don’t win as a team.

We stall progress. We limit performance. We create environments where people are forced into survival mode instead of team play.

And when that happens, everyone loses.

A few years after my experience, one of the male leaders involved came back to me and apologized.

He said, “I see it now. I see the role I played.”

My response wasn’t what he expected. I said: “Go tell your son.”

Tell him what happened. Tell him where you got it wrong. Tell him how you’d do it differently.

Don’t just apologize, drive change. 

Not just by supporting women in the moment - but by raising individuals who instinctively pass the ball.

Who trust their teammates. Who understand that winning isn’t about who scores - it’s about how the team plays together

Pass to the girls.