NEVER SAY YES IF YOU HAVE TO SAY NO

A simple two letter word but an extremely difficult one to utter?  This is neither a riddle nor a brain teaser with a cryptic answer. It is a straightforward question to which we all know the answer. You guessed it right….It’s the word NO. We just cannot bring ourselves to say this word. Most of the time, we end up saying yes though our heart and mind is urging us to say the opposite. The topic of this blog may sound frivolous but let’s delve deeper and understand why it’s important to say No when you neither have the heart nor mind to carry on with a particular task.

During the initial days of my career, I found it extremely difficult to say No to my bosses and subordinates alike. This neither made me popular nor helped me scale the career ladder. Instead, I found myself spending a lot of time in office finishing other people’s jobs while constantly pushing aside my professional and personal priorities. “Ramesh will never say NO when we ask him for help”, remarked my colleague jokingly in an office party one day. This got me thinking….. Why do I say yes when I actually want to say No? Why am I unable to assert myself? My young mind went into an overdrive trying to figure out answers to these questions. Is it my fear of hurting others or do I feel a deep sense of obligation towards these people or is it just a silly quest to become popular? Questions kept reeling in my mind for which I could not get concrete answers immediately. Over the time, things changed or rather I brought about a change in myself. I slowly and steadily cultivated the art of saying NO. Well, it was not a forthright denial at the risk of sounding rude or curt but I learnt the subtle way of saying No without hurting the feelings of others. For instance, once a colleague said, “Ramesh, you are quite popular with the workers in the mines and their families and you also have the gift of the gab. Why don’t you take the responsibility of organizing the family day for them?” Instead of declining to do the job, I simply said, “Sir, I have already established a good rapport with them, it’s time someone else does his share of work”. A short and crisp explanation was the key to saying NO in a subtle way. This particular incident is an ideal example of saying No in a firm but a succinct way. It’s not necessary this trick may work every time. However, I have another ace up my sleeve (at the risk of sounding boastful). One more restrained way of saying NO is to drag your feet! There is no hard and fast rule to answer immediately if someone asks you for a favor or help. The crux of the matter is to buy time! “Can you give me half an hour and I will get back to you?”  After weighing the pros and cons of the request, you can think of agreeing to do the job or decline it. However, if you are saying a No, make sure to give a reason.

The Power of NO

Yes you read it right. Power and No- antithesis one may say especially because NO has such a negative connotation! Consider this – Saying yes to every request/favor because of a self-cultivated fear of hurting other’s feeling will eventually turn you into an over burdened & miserable person which may manifest as anger, self-pity and apprehension. By learning to say No, you can start focusing on your professional priorities, get organized, focused and muster positive energy to achieve your goals. In the present industrial & political environment, all of us are subjected to succumb to the situation. This leads to further pressure on people to keep up the word Yes all the time. In our country, the word NO has contributed for the crime rate, political vendetta and stress. One must have a spine to say No which unfortunately is missing in the present generation. I often see that they take shelter in sensitivity and emotions and escape from reality. But, honestly, if you practice the mantra of saying No when required, it builds courage, conviction and commitment. You start enjoying respect and admiration in the eyes of others because others who suffer from the ‘Yes’ syndrome  admire such gutsy people.

Steve Pavlina, a popular motivational speaker has summed it up beautifully when he says, “Saying No isn’t easy but it’s a required skill if you wish to have any degree of focus in your life. If you say yes too often, you’ll likely fall into the common trap of saying yes to the good while simultaneously saying No to the best”