Making life choices…

We make choices every day about different things (i.e. what we wear, what we eat, what we buy etc.), it is part of life. However, have you noticed how challenging it becomes when we are having to make choices about our health and breaking patterns that hold us back in life?

The main challenge we face with these choices is that they touch us deeply, they rock the foundations of our being and make us feel vulnerable. But is this a bad thing? And what is the alternative?

When we are faced with these challenges, we are already feeling unhappy, uneasy, frustrated, perhaps angry with the world and ourselves (if we care to admit this…). Our foundations are already rocky, isn’t this the reason we are feeling this way?

So, what is the real reason for not owning these feelings, and delving deep within ourselves to find a solution that is in line with who we really are and what we want to be in life?

A common response is “fear”:

·        The fear of the unknown.

·        The fear of not liking what we see within us.

·        The fear of not having answers.

·        The fear of not being capable of more.

·        The fear of not being good enough.

·        The fear of not being worth it.

·        The fear of disappointing others.

And the list goes on…

Identifying the fear is key.

Once we identify the cause, we are then able to make a choice and take responsibility for our actions.

For some, it may be to move forward, face the fear and turn their life around. Whilst for others the fear is so crippling, that they choose to stay in their discomfort.

Behind every choice, there is always the question: “What do I gain from staying in this situation?”.

The answer is always personal and unique to the person at any given time and as such needs to be respected. Just like life, it is fluid – this means it may change dependant on time, more information being available, the environment and support the person may have throughout their lifespan.

What I find particularly interesting is the actual catalyst for change as this often comes about following a sudden event that changes somewhat the trajectory of one’s planned life. However, this is not always the case as sometimes we are awoken by a question someone asks us or that we find asking ourselves.

The catalyst for me was a sudden, unexpected major health change back in April 2013, that over the course of 1 year changed the trajectory of my life completely.

After the first 6 months in which I had been extremely positive and confident, I was able to manage myself, I came to realise that some of the effects were going to be life long and that meant that my whole life would have to change.

I got stuck for a while in that vicious circle of anger, frustration, longing life to return to “normal”, sadness when realising that I was stuck with a body that was not functioning and I lost my purpose.

What helped me move forward, was taking time out and really looking inside myself, realising that this vicious circle I was in and that was spiralling out of control was not ME and it was definitively not in line with my values. The main value clash was being wholly responsible for my destiny as I had always been – a self-reliant, independent and purpose-driven person from a young age.

I set out to look at life from a different perspective… I changed the language I used towards myself and my limitations, I reconnected with the body and mind paradigm, I used kindness and compassion towards myself (just like I use these towards others), I nurtured myself, I allowed myself to really feel my emotions and learn from them and let go of what was holding me back.

By looking at life from a different perspective I was able to start seeing new opportunities open up in front of me and I regained a new purpose in life, one that connected to ME as a whole person and in line with my strong values and ethics.

Was it easy? No, it was not. The road was bumpy, but I knew deep down that the only way to move forward was to rise to the challenge.

Was it worth it? YES!!!

I still have my “old” and some “new” health challenges but I can manage these and when things get tough or I hit a bump in the road, I know I can manage because I have done it before. I take ownership of ME and how I react to challenging situations!

That is where my journey began… and what has brought me here today.

Remember… We can’t control everything that may happen to us… However, I believe that we all have the ability to change the course of events by our response and that this is a choice we make on a daily basis.

What choices are you making today?

#choices #change #resilience #coaching

© Vanessa Vajana