How to make an ask over email

Anyone who has ever owned their own business or looked for a job knows they have to ask for help. Your network is your biggest asset and trying to do anything all by yourself is a recipe for failure.

But asking for help is hard. Asking for help from someone you don’t know all that well is even harder. Add doing it over email/messenger and it gets complicated. 

But it doesn't have to be....

I frequently help my friends and coaching clients with their email asks. There is an art and a science to it.

Enjoy these tips, format, and examples, and get to asking.

Tips:

To make an effective ask over email balance both parties needs, your expectations, and your feelings:

All of the tips above can be summed up as:

Be a dignified human and treat the other person like an equally dignified human.

You’re not bad for asking, and they’re not bad if they say no. You can’t get them to say yes by writing the perfect email, but if you make your ask clearly and treat them genuinely, you’ll make a positive outcome more likely and the relationship will get stronger regardless.

Framework: 

With this in mind, below is a simple framework I use to write asks in email:

1. Opening Connection: 

Remind them of the last time you met and any history you have. Mention something you know is going on in their life that is of genuine interest to you (from social media or your last conversation). If they offered to help in the past, remind them here.

2. Background:

Very briefly describe why this ask matters to you.

3. Ask: 

Be simple and direct. Imagine yourself making this request in person. Use that language.

4. Additional details:  

Add any information that will make their life easier if they decide to say yes.

5. Closing Connection:

Let them know the relationship extends beyond this request. For example establishing your next catch up or offering reciprocated help if appropriate.

Examples:

Finally, below are a few examples so you can see how this works in real life.

Example 1:

Context: A true acquaintance I might see at a lot of networking events. We don’t hang out socially.

Hi Rachelle,

We last saw each other at the Women in Product event and you offered to refer me to hiring managers at your organization (opening connection).   

I’ve found a job at your company that I’m really excited about. (background)

Would you be willing to refer me? (ask) 

For reference, the job and my resume are attached. (additional details)

You mentioned you were trying to make a career switch last time we chatted. Don’t hesitate to let me know if there is anyway I can help. (closing connection)

Thanks for your consideration.  

Example 2:

Context: A wife of a close former colleague. I follow both her and her spouse on social media and I see them at social events. She is in the target customer for the courses I develop.

Hi Hanna,

It’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other. Looks like you and Sara have been doing lots of trips abroad. I especially love your Japan pictures. (opening connection)

I’m writing because I have developed a strategic leadership course and I’m doing some work on my positioning. (background) 

Would you be willing to do an informal research interview in the next few weeks? (ask)

It would be over lunch/coffee on me and my schedule is flexible. (additional details)

Hope you and Sara are well and look forward to seeing you at Kaley's party. (closing connection)

Really appreciate your help.

Final Thoughts

Like everything, the best way to get better is to practice - so get to asking. And in the spirit of goodwill, the next time an acquaintance sends you an ask over email, if you're able to, say yes.

About me:

I'm the Founder & CEO of Virago Labs. Virago Labs develops strategic product leaders for high-impact and meaningful work through consulting, courses, and coaching. I also teach Product Management at General Assemblyand Embodied Leadership for Strozzi Institute. I'm a former Director of Digital Product at Capital One, Director of Digital Web at Premera, and currently Interim COO of a purpose-based start-up, Impart Wealth. I am passionate entrepreneur, product manager, instructor, coach, and mama.