Healing Through Vulnerability

Many of you close to me (and even some not that close) know that this weekend marks one year since the passing of my mother. She had been in declining health due to complications from rheumatoid arthritis for years, but when one of your parents passes, you feel it, regardless of how much it’s expected. I can tell you now though, that I’m okay; my father is okay too, as is my brother. They say that time heals all wounds, but they’re partially right, because it doesn’t JUST take time, it takes effort, belief, and love. 

What I believe helped me the most throughout my healing process was trying a bit of vulnerability. It takes effort to open yourself up to another person. It takes belief in yourself and your relationships with others. It also requires a little bit of love. Love of both your fellow humans and, equally important, love of yourself.

Something many of you might not know is that I wasn’t actually there when my mother passed. I got the call at work that Mom wasn’t going to make it much longer, and that if I wanted to say goodbye, I needed to get home as soon as possible. I rushed to my apartment, frantically grabbed a few things, and tried to make the three-and-a-half-hour drive as quickly as I could. I was 10 minutes away when my phone rang. It was my brother, and I knew exactly what he was going to say.

I carried the guilt of not being there for most of the year since her passing, only letting the emotion show when I was alone. To friends, I was fine. To family, I would recover. Then one day, I was talking to a co-worker in the break room and just decided “You know what? I’m going to let a person in and tell them that I’m struggling.” While initially embarrassing, the friend reacted as a true friend would. He gave me a hug and told me he was sorry for my loss, that there was nothing more that I could have done, and that she knew that I wanted to be there.

This wasn’t any information anyone hadn’t told me before, and I undoubtedly appreciate the outpouring of support that I received from everyone to this very day. However it was the act of opening up and being vulnerable, making the decision that the only way I could truly get better was to let people know that I wasn’t okay that proved to be a turning point in my recovery. From that point on, I went to counseling, I confided in friends and loved ones, and this past Christmas I had an intensely vulnerable talk with my family about my guilt, which allowed them to open up about theirs as well. It only served to bring us closer than ever. 

There is so much focus on embracing vulnerability in order to allow us to be the best version of ourselves. I’ll just say this: it’s warranted. It’s not always the easiest decision, but in work and in life, a little bit of vulnerability goes a long way. I encourage everyone, struggling or not, to be a little more open with people in your life. It doesn't have to be a proclamation, simply share a little bit of your passions or fears, your hopes or your dreams. As one of my favorites, Otis Redding, proclaimed: Try a little tenderness. Preach on, Otis.