Finding Courage in a Risk Adverse Mind

I felt stuck. I felt mentally exhausted and unfulfilled. Like a three-legged hamster on a wheel...that’s on fire and dangling from the ceiling above a pit of lava (don’t ask me how it spins, it’s a magic wheel). As I sat at my desk at home, still working at 4:30 in the morning, I leaned back in my chair and (very dramatically of course) groaned UGH WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE. Somehow Alexa responded and replied, Hmmm, I don’t know the answer to that one. All I could do was laugh and say, yeah Alexa, you and me both.

I am risk-averse (a good trait for your CPA). Tell me about something you want to do, and I am thinking of 7 different ways it’s going to end horribly. It took me years to work on my thought pattern and shift from a pessimistic viewpoint to an optimistic viewpoint. If you’re curious, every time I have a negative thought about a situation, I come up with 3 positives out of the situation. For example, flat tire on my rental car after I left work at 8 pm on my birthday this year? 

1. I get to practice my tire-changing skills on a giant SUV - and I had it fixed before they even had the repair guy dispatched
2. I get to drive from Midtown to the Atlanta airport at 8 pm which gives me an opportunity to explore the airport since I haven’t been there in years...granted, it took me an hour (no joke) to find where I return the rental car, but...yay for adventures...
3. I didn’t have to pay for the tire

So I felt stuck in my career and I had a pretty clear idea of what I was looking for, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to get there. I had lunch with one of my favorite humans on this planet and he asked me What’s keeping you at your firm? Why not look for something that allows you to do what you want? As I sat there looking at him, I immediately felt extremely vulnerable. It wasn’t something I had told anyone, just thoughts I’d had to myself. Then I said,

What if they don’t like me? What if I go somewhere and I realize I’ve made a mistake? What if this is it? What if the grass isn’t greener on the other side? What if I fail? 

As I continued to word vomit, he did what I adore him for. He talked some sense into me and walked me through my concerns and anxiety, being the amazingly supportive awesome friend he is. As I tell some people, he’s like my emotional support human.

After that enlightening conversation (filled with great advice per usual), I started thinking. Who is the most phenomenal person I know in public accounting that can do anything and is just the bee’s knees? I’m not going to call him out in this article, because while I’m crazy about this guru, my gushing would probably be conceived as weird by people who don't know me personally (but if you know me well, you know it’s just a sincere fondness for ambitious and brilliant people...aka...mad respect). I took a chance and reached out to this Tax Titan. Seriously though, one of the most brilliant minds out there (okay, done gushing).  

As my friend told me, If you reach out to someone and ask them a question, the worst thing they can do is say no or not respond. So I took a deep breath and sent the message to see if that person would chat with me...and they did! Not surprisingly, it was an illuminating conversation filled with the best nuggets of advice you could ask for. Seriously one of the most sincere and humble people you’ll meet (okay, now done gushing for real).

As I did my soul searching, I kept hearing people telling me the grass isn’t greener on the other side. As I sat there pondering I found myself thinking, there has to be a place that is. There must be people out there that are inclusive and supportive and ambitious. People that will encourage and allow me to achieve my goals, while I help them dominate their goals. I always think back to the research I did when I led a DEI session with my team and I read that being inclusive means that you create a space where people can come to work and be accepted for who they are. 

More than anything, I want a place where I can make an impact, be creative and ambitious, and work with a supportive team while we smash some goals out of the park.

So I took a chance. And you know what I found? Not only is the grass greener on the other side, sometimes...it even has a playground. A recruiter reached out to me about an opportunity that I found utterly intriguing. I interviewed with the firm's recruiter, who was fantastic, then their head of tax. He was an absolute delight, beyond impressive, down to earth, and just an amazing person. When I did my culture interviews, I got off the Zoom and called my mom, beaming. When she asked how it was, I told her, talking to them felt like I was home. The conversation wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t forced, I didn’t feel like I needed to put on a front to fit a cookie-cutter.  I told her to keep her fingers, eyes, and toes crossed!

While I don’t know exactly what this next chapter of my career holds, my journey to this point has been filled with experiences that have shaped me into the professional that I am today. I am grateful for the opportunities I had at Frazier & Deeter and the amazing team that I worked with. I loved watching my team grow into the amazing professionals they are - leaving them is one of the toughest decisions I’ve made. They are an absolutely delightful and inspiring bunch, that brought me the heartiest of laughs when I needed them most. I am beyond excited to start my next chapter with GHJ. As Meister Eckhart said best — 'And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.'