Do you want to Stop Feeling Worthless?
Find Your Purpose and Priorities when you live with Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
EASY TO FEEL WORTHLESS WITH MS
As 2020 comes to an end, I think there’s a marked change in the air. 2020 has been unbelievably difficult, but a new year is about to start.
With the new year, people often talk of resolutions, they often talk about their intentions for the year. But living with MS can trigger unhappiness:
- You can pretty easily feel worthless … maybe you can’t do what you want or what you planned
- You might think that if you plan things they can sometimes fail because MS gets in the way
It takes strength of character - knowing your purpose - and thinking about how this fits into each day, month and year. Taking this approach has helped me.
And, depending on your purpose you might feel the need to make a plan … to know your priorities, to have a route for the future mapped out.
I started out this way - plans, goals, deadlines, challenges. But it rarely worked because of MS fatigue or MS-relapse or being a mum or getting a virus - all these things got in the way.
I’m going to outline some ways you can make progress for tomorrow by thinking about your priorities and your purpose.
THE NEW YOU
If you’re not sure about who you are and what you’re contributing to the world, your family, your partner ….
If your feelings about your personal worth have changed since being diagnosed with MS...
Or if you feel completely stuck because you don’t know how your diagnosis might affect you...
It’s important to realise all these feelings are completely normal.
It’s not that you are no longer worth anything. It’s that things have changed. It’s that you might not yet have recognised these changes … you might not have given time to consider the new you.
What is it that makes you feel down on yourself?
- You’re not achieving what you hoped
- You’re expecting too much of yourself
It can take a while to slow down, stop and consider 3 questions:
- What am I feeling about my life?
- What am I feeling about my future?
- What do I want to do about this?
Feeling worthy is linked to knowing your purpose. When we wake with intention - which involves understanding your priorities, knowing your purpose - it could be life purpose/for this year or for today - depends on your philosophy.
Don’t confuse priorities and purpose.
Let's start with priorities.
Let's get to understand these before we move onto your purpose
What’re your priorities?
PIES AND SWEETS - AND SHARING THEM OUT
Imagine there’s a pie in front of you (you choose your flavour … but mine’s an apple pie every time) and you’re cutting the pie into pieces depending on how much you’re emphasising each. You’ve got 6 sections …
who or what is getting the biggest slice of emphasis?
What percentage is each category getting?
What size slice to each category below ...
Next, you have 100 individually wrapped sweets to share out amongst the same 6 categories. You can do this in your mind, but it can be more powerful to take bring it to life.
Place 6 bowls on the floor. Each bowl is a category. You’re going to be thinking about what’s most important TO YOU. How many sweets would you put in each bowl? How many do you WANT to put into each? How many sweets to your ...
- Friends and Family
- Work and Money
- Charity & Church
- Discovery and Adventure
- Personal Growth and Learning
- Healthy Body and Mind
If everything got equal shares, they’d get 17% each … but typically we wouldn’t split everything equally.
When I did this, my wants (pie slices) came out:
- Friends and Family (40)
- Healthy body and mind (30)
- Charity (giving back to the MS community) (10)
- Discovery and Adventure (8)
- Growth and Learning (6)
- Work and Money (6)
But I wasn’t splitting the sweets to align with this.
DECIDING PRIORITIES
The above exercise could almost suggest how much time you want to be dedicated to each category … but it’s not that simple, because based on our wakeful time (16 hours a day x 7 days a week = 112 hours a week)
Friends and Family (40% = 45 hours per week 6.5 per day)
Healthy body and mind (30% = 34 hours per week) -
Charity (giving back to the MS community) (10% = 11 hours per week)
Discovery and Adventure (8% = 9 hours per week)
Growth and Learning (6% = 7 hours per week)
Work and Money (6% = 7 hours per week)
Timewise, this % aren’t realistic (34 hours per week focusing on a healthy body and mind sounds perfect, but too many hours) .. and 7 hours each week on work and money belittles what I actually do.
So REMEMBER THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW LONG YOU SPEND. You cannot think about this in terms of time.
THE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT
It’s about how much emphasis you place on each thing when you’re making decisions.
If work and money got the biggest portion of your sweets in terms of how you WANT to share them out, that means your desired priority is to be the best <carpenter> <estate agent> <lawyer> or whatever your career. Someone like Richard Branson or Elon Musk spend much of their time IN this category … but they might have a bigger purpose behind what they are seen to be doing.
If Friends and Family got the biggest portion, then your desired priority is to be the best mum, dad, daughter, mate … etc. you can be. Ask any stay at home mum what is their biggest priority ... their ideal desired priority. Some will say it’s to be the best mum, but others will be conflicted because they might feel a bigger purpose elsewhere.
If work and money are most important, but you also have a family that’s fine. At the back of your mind, you know that everything you do in the lower categories is to help you fulfil your most important priority - work and money.
If friends and family are most important, but you also need to have money that’s fine. At the back of your mind, you know that everything you do in the less-prioritised categories is to help you fulfil your most important priority - your family and friends.
And over time - with age; life changes; health issues - your priorities will alter.
On an average every person encounters a major life change every 4 years i.e. bereavement, marriage, birth, redundancy, house move, divorce, health issues.
As our priorities change, our purpose might change. After my cancer diagnosis in 2014, my priorities altered and I redefined my purpose.
FINDING MEANING
For most adults, good health and being able to make personal choices are the basis for meaningful living. You find meaning in working and making a living; in your choices about recreation and free time, and in controlling your daily activities. When we’ve been diagnosed with a life-changing illness, your sense of purpose gets jolted. Your sense of meaning and purpose gets shattered.
So, how can you rebuild the sense that your life is meaningful?
You may feel that illness has taken away your ability to plan for the future, creating a hole in your life. Focusing on the present instead of the future; maybe one way to find a new purpose. You might feel lost as you seek clarity to your purpose. Your meaning and purpose reflect your culture, your life experience and your personality.
Although there is no one right way to make your life purposeful, here are some ideas to get started:
Find meaning in the present
Most of us live our lives focused on the future. We make plans for our career, our children and our financial security. Illness can take enjoyment out of thinking about the future.
Focusing on the present, instead of the future, could be one way to find new meaning.
Ways to stay in the here and now and to calm your worries about the future include:
- focus on today’s routines and get on with them;
- find whatever is good about the present moment and be grateful for it;
- adjust to simpler tasks or smaller duties that give satisfaction.
Find meaning in relationships
For many people, relationships are central to their understanding of meaning and purpose. These relationships may be with family – partners, friends, spouse, children, grandchildren.
Affirm the meaning you find in relationships in many ways by:
- sharing memories together
- talking about how the illness is changing your family life or friendships
- enjoying favourite activities, places or rituals together
Finding meaning in employment
What do you get back from working? Does your job enable you to share your purpose?
If money isn’t a priority, what would you choose to do?
Finding meaning in artistic activities
Creating something can be really satisfying for some people. For example, writing or drawing can provide a way to express thoughts or feelings about your illness that are difficult to speak aloud.
Perhaps you appreciate the works of other artists and find meaning through one of the following:
- looking at a piece of art
- listening to music
- watching a live play or a movie
Finding meaning in nature
When days of illness confine you indoors, you may long to connect with Mother Earth and nature. There are many ways of satisfying this desire including the following:
- breathing fresh air
- feeling the wind, the snow or sunshine on your skin
- watching the clouds, sunrises, sunsets, stars or moon
- listening to bird song or animal calls
The benefit is knowing that your life is valuable, no matter how sick your body might be; is knowing that you may find you’re able to accept your situation and feel better about it.
Now you’re ready to refine your purpose.
FINDING YOUR PASSION
When you’ve pondered everything in the previous section, we’ve arrived at asking these 6 questions:
- What do you really love in life?
- What would you do with your life if you never needed to earn more money?
- What would you choose to do, despite it being HARD?
- What did you love to do when you were young (the child brain can intuitively know)?
- What makes you angry - what would get you into an online argument?
- What do you want to be remembered for?
Now you’re working out where the passion is!
And you should now be in a better position to refind your purpose when you live with MS.
If this has been interesting, thought-provoking and left you wanting more, there’s something you can do about it ...
Tell me you want more … because this is just one of the elements we’ll be exploring in the Action Takers Membership Club. This fantastic club will be launching Feb-March 2021.
Here’s how to tell me you’re interested to find out more: https://multiplesuccess.ac-page.com/Action-takers