Arguing is a Waste of Time and Energy!

If you would like to listen to the podcast episode on this topic click the appropriate link for your phone below.

The event which inspired me to write on this topic happened about a year ago. I was on a train and to cut a long story short, an elderly woman in front of me took got irate when I said "excuse me," because she was blocking my path.

She took offence to this for some reason, and within seconds she had told me to "just fuck off."

At that point I was just beginning to become annoyed. What was her problem? Why was she so abusive? I wanted to argue my point and convinced I was in the right, I was about to do so, when a young guy advised me to just leave it.

In hindsight I was grateful for his intervention because there was nothing positive that was likely to result from becoming further embroiled in an argument with the woman concerned.

It occurred to me on further reflection about that incident and many others just like it, how easy it is to get into an argument, that starts for no other reason than one person is already annoyed, or just has a 'bad' attitude.

From there it has the potential to spiral rapidly out of control, like gasoline poured on little more than a spark, and erupt into a wildfire from which no one benefits and people can lose their life.

...Well, that was the start of my day about a year ago, and I could have gone on and taken my anger about that incident on someone else, who didn't deserve it, because that's what so often happens.

But it is so important not to let experiences like that impact negatively on you. In fact it is vital to learn from such experiences.

The point is, I didn't know why she was so irritated by me saying excuse me and wanted to simply get passed her, and her behaviour didn't allow me to find out what lead up to her anger.

Maybe she was just an angry person, but something had probably contributed to her being so, and arguing with her made no sense because we were hardly likely to find any common ground.

There were many lessons I learned from that encounter.

One of the most important lessons was to maintain control of my emotions at all times or as much as possible. It's just so easy to lose control and become a slave to your passions. But this never helps you in life, and you can become as angry as the next person, and as blaming of them as they are of you.

This never benefits you in any relationships you have and is totally unhelpful to you whenever you're placed in the witness box.

When upset or angry you don't listen because you can't, you're operating from a lower part of your brain - a part unable to listen to reason. And if you can't listen, you won't be able to hear questions asked of you and thus will not be able to answer sensibly.

A second lesson learned was that arguing with someone is pointless because the chances of them changing their mind based on the persuasiveness of your discourse when you and they are angry is slim to zero.

The best thing you can do, if or when you disagree about a matter with another, is to listen to them and seek to understand them first, before seeking to get them to understand you.

It's rare that people who have argued with one another come away from the argument thinking to themselves: 'that was a good argument and as a result I'm so much more clued up on this matter or that one.'

Instead most people come away from the argument feeling more certain that they were right and less willing to consider another view.

When it comes to arguing when in the witness box, that is something that it is never helpful or recommended if you wish to present well in court. You're not there to argue, you are there to give good information and evidence, that supports your case.

Arguing with those cross-examining you is in no way supportive of your case, instead you present as defensive.

You never need to argue whilst in the witness box, you simply state your point of view and the reasons behind the stance you have taken.

Don't fall into the trap of disagreeing with those cross-examining you for the sake of disagreeing with them. Frequently there is no need to disagree, and when there is all you need to do is confidently express the reason or reason behind the conclusion or view you have come to.

When you see differences as simply different viewpoints, based on different experiences and perspectives, the need for arguing ceases to exist.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/incredible-witness/id1679934113

https://open.spotify.com/show/5w3CWjV1CcwdsA7tTiAPVO?si+43d84dcf6c8049ed