Transcript

I'm Matt Young. I'm a program lead at the Shipyard. I'm remotely based out of Cleveland, but I'm from Columbus originally. I have two kids, A5 and a three-year old with my wife Lauren. Columbus's home for me, though, it's where I'm from. I grew up in Westerville and that's where we're at today at Innis Woods, a place that was meant a lot to us and our family, walking over here catching frogs in the pond. So yeah, it's a. It's a special place for us. My brother Nick, we're, we're two years apart. He's my younger brother. He is someone who I was super close with. You know, as an older brother, you're always trying to. Look out for them, take care of them, you know, yeah, we, we fought. We, we did what brothers do, you know, sometimes. But end of the day, we loved each other and we were, we were there for each other. Nick was the greatest person. He would do anything for for anyone and. Unfortunately, you got caught up in some things that he couldn't shake. And in 2019. The year that Lauren and I were going to be getting married and he was going to be the best man in our wedding, he passed from a fentanyl overdose. Right here. At my parents house just on the other side of these woods. And and from there I mean I can see. I can see the cemetery where he's at right from the window of his room. This whole area is. It's it's a important place, it's an emotional place, it's home. But, and it's it's a place that's important to me and and always will be. It never felt real and didn't feel real when it happened. It was, you know, you start going through. The years thinking, you know, it's like where, where's Nick? You know, how is how, how is this real? You know, you post once a year saying, you know, I miss you and, and all that stuff. And then you start realizing you you're posting the same picture. You don't have new pictures anymore. Like it's just the same. You know, repeat of the memories that you're trying to hold on to all that happening. Started to weigh heavier and heavier as the years went on, I. You know, put on a mask. I, you know, went to work, I hung out with friends, you know, all this and, you know, continued to be the happy go lucky person that I am and around people and being social and whatnot. But when I'm. When I got home or when I was alone, I was. I would shut off and I was, you know, locking myself in the room and just kind of curling up on the in the corner and like it was clear I was not in a good place. I was in a dark place and. And I'm not too sure that. I would be sitting here without support systems that. I didn't even realize where there. I'm super grateful I had people in my life who stepped up in ways that I. Could never imagine. There's Lauren, who just had every right to. Do things differently if she wanted to, but she was just right there day in and day out and helping to make sure that our family was still family and our kids. Had someone there for them that were where I feel like I was. I was struggling at work. You know, this place for eyes, like I was putting up the biggest front, you know, in a way they saw the signs. They saw what was happening and someone. Took my computer, you know, a couple of people said you, we, we know you need to get some help. You, you got to take care of you. And literally took, took it from me. And and that was the moment where I was able to to get that help. There's nowhere on which I ever thought I would be. Yeah. Self admitted into a hospital and spent a week on the floor like I did. But without that, I, I wouldn't be here. And now I have tools that I didn't have before to be able to learn how to heal. To have the conversations that need to be having to not sit with the feelings and, and feel that I have a place to share those. And you know, a lot of those things for me were was music therapy and art therapy and. Learning that there was, it wasn't me going. To find something on the other side that was going to be better or that was going to be this different person over here. Like that was never the case. It was always just that I'm now set U to be able to handle the person I I couldn't before. I don't need to be perfect every day. I don't need to, I don't need to show up to work and, and people need to think that I, you know, had the best day, best weekend ever. You know, it's, you know, it's, it's real. We're all going through real stuff. Looking back on it, I didn't, I didn't prioritize. For mental health, I have a tattoo here that says I am second, which to me is like putting others before yourself. And I think I did it almost detrimentally to myself and, you know, always wanting to help others. And I didn't prioritize me, and I didn't do that for my family, my friends. For work for for anyone you have to know that it's OK to not be OK. And that's where I've I've come to find some peace with everything is that yeah, it's just. It's OK to not be OK.