An effective tool for de-escalating difficult conversations is to use Active Listening. This means actually listening to what the other side is saying with the intent of understanding their position, and providing feedback through questions or repeated back what you've heard, to ensure the other party knows you are listening. It sounds easy, but when things get heated or stressful it can be difficult to remember this strategy. Practice makes perfect. This clip is a snippet from a training session I conducted where I talk about the importance of active listening.

From the time I started in the training business in 1975, about once a month I see a piece about the benefits of active listening. Active listening is effective if you’re counseling people, or dealing with emotional issues, but not so much In normal conversations. You’ll sound like a parrot if you repeat everything you hear. Rather than paraphrasing, nodding, saying ah-ah, and “tell me more,” focus on four common listening problems: —faking attention —lack of curiosity —self-listening —interrupting You might counter that active listening deals with those issues. Not really. Active listening has advantages, but there’s more to good communication. ”Communication is like throwing a football — it doesn’t count until someone catches it.” —Dr. Mortimer Adler

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