The Living Funeral: Hearing the Eulogy Before It’s Too Late Earlier this year, I wrote a blog post called “The Month I Died.” (https://bit.ly/4uGSsEC) No, I don’t plan to die any time soon, but I am taking a full month off next February with nothing planned on my calendar and virtually no access to my texts or emails. I’m even going to spend the month being known as my given name “Steve” as a further ritual to see what it feels like if I left the planet based upon the question: “What would people honestly say about me if I died this month?” That question led me to the concept of the “social eulogy”—the emotional legacy we leave in the hearts, nervous systems, and memories of other people. Not: - What did you accumulate? - What title did you hold? - How optimized was your calendar? But: - How did people feel in your presence? - Did you help others feel seen? - Did you create belonging? - Did you make people more whole? Tomorrow, I’ll be giving my mother’s eulogy. And perhaps because of that, I’ve found myself deeply moved by several recent articles on the growing phenomenon of “living funerals.” Yes, funerals for people who are still alive. At first, the idea sounds a little emotionally overachieving—as if Marie Kondo and hospice care collaborated on an event. But the more I’ve read about them, the more profound they seem. A recent Washington Post article (https://wapo.st/3RwAtC9) described people gathering while they’re still healthy enough to attend and participate in what is essentially a celebration of their life in real time. Family members share stories. Friends express gratitude. People say the things we usually save for after someone is gone. One person described hearing affirmations and memories they had never heard in decades of relationships. Another said it allowed them to stop wondering whether their life mattered. That’s the tragedy of traditional funerals: the guest of honor misses the entire show. Another article from Dignity Memorial (https://bit.ly/3S6LoT4) explained that living funerals are becoming more popular because they allow people to express appreciation, create emotional closure, repair relationships, and reduce regret. In other words, they transform the funeral from an event about loss into an experience of connection. And then I read something fascinating in a medical journal article (https://bit.ly/4u5QvR4) on end-of-life psychology. Researchers noted that consciously engaging with mortality often increases emotional authenticity, life satisfaction, gratitude, and relational depth. Apparently, death is very clarifying. This shouldn’t surprise us. Mortality is life’s greatest editor. It removes the trivial. It sharpens attention. It forces us to ask: “What actually matters now?” To read the rest of my blog post visit: https://bit.ly/4o3z8yU
Sorry for your loss, Chip. I lost my husband just over 3 years ago and I’ve often said that he would have been blown away to hear what people said about him AND the number of people he touched during his short life. I’m in favour of living funerals and also wonder about how we can create an environment where it becomes more accepted/normal/loving etc. to tell people every day how much they mean to us. Why wait until there is a diagnosis or the end of life feels nearer than it did the day before? I’m curious as to your thoughts on a paradigm change. Jane Moran
Several weeks ago I had the Philadelphia premiere of my documentary ‘The Coral Ring Legacy.’ The film focuses on the important social justice work that 7 of our Champions of Caring www.championsofcaring.org, who were in our program while in high school , continue to do in their 30’s and 40’s. After the film was shown my daughter, chair of our board and these Champions shared stories about how I impacted their lives. With tears streaming down my face and in front of 200 people I blurted out “is this my funeral?” It was an indescribable experience. I was filled with gratitude, love and appreciation. What a blessing and an extraordinary gift. Yes let’s show appreciation and gratitude to people while they are alive. It’s such an incredible way to acknowledge their life’s accomplishments.
"Mortality is life's greatest editor." Chip, this stopped me completely. And knowing you are giving your mother's eulogy tomorrow — that this post comes from that place — makes it even more profound. A couple of years ago I actually experimented with this. I reached out to close friends and family and asked them to write me a eulogy. I wanted to read it while I could still receive it, reflect on it and grow from it. Not out of morbidity — but out of a deep desire to understand how I was showing up in the lives of the people who mattered most. What I received was one of the most humbling and clarifying experiences of my life. It showed me where I was living my values and where I still had work to do. Holding you and your family in my heart tomorrow, Chip. May your words bring comfort to everyone in that room — including you.
Chip Conley - There's something powerful about asking the eulogy question before life asks it for you... not as a morbid exercise, but as a clarifying one. So many people spend decades building a resume and only later realize they were hoping for a legacy. Different scorecards entirely. The relationships we nurture, the people we encourage, the sense of belonging we create... those tend to outlive every title we've ever held ❤️
May we each realize that any day could be ours, our friends, and/or a family member's last. Then perhaps the "business" of funerals could transform into our shared responsibility of acknowledgment and care to one another, daily. This is the "business" that I invest in daily... some days more Consciously than others! 😆😃🙏 Thank you for your meaningful post Chip Conley. You allowed for a wonderful reflection/contemplation in this mind, and also a profound and continuing appreciation of you. Chip/Steve... you are a unique blessing for this world... I thank your Mom for her part!!
You "voice" has such clarity-thank you and may you enjoy your living eulogy for many decades to come....and, my heart is with you in your giving the eulogy for your mother...you are such a. gifted speaker-still, my heart is with you...
#👀 #witnessed #my #mother #say #feeling #like #this #is #my #eulogy #her #proudest #moment #her #photoshow @ 7️⃣5️⃣📸💃✨✨❗️
"...as if Marie Kondo and hospice care collaborated on an event." That gave me a much-needed chuckle.
I love how you talk about the hard stuff, but it seems obvious. Answering the hard questions, connecting with others throughout our lives, what does anything mean anymore, do we matter, who played key roles in our lives that made us feel seen and who believed in us, who challenged us, and who cheered us on. The reverse, who do we matter to, who do we cheer on, who do we value, and when these dear soles are not physically with us, how do we carry them in our hearts every day? How do we honor them or ourselves? The concept of what matters, who matters, and how we share that with those that need to know - I think we can start today as a reminder, to tell those around us who matter. Don't wait! You matter. Thank you for the reminder.