Amy Diehl, PhD’s Post

“But guys like Robert (thanks to his wife’s strong encouragement), who will speak up in support of women, and their skills and talents can make a world of difference, sparking a good workplace where people feel valued for their contributions.” I would like the Roberts of the world to rely upon their own re-calibrated moral compass and not rely upon the labor and “strong encouragement” of the women in their lives to do the right thing!

This plays out vividly in academia as well. The same strictness that earns a male professor a reputation for rigor earns a female professor whispers about her temperament or worse, her mental health. The behavior is identical; the attribution is not. That differential attribution is not incidental, it is how gendered schemas operate, assigning competence to men and instability to women for the exact same conduct. Until we interrogate the schema doing the labeling, calling out individual comments will only go so far.

I was once in a situation where we were interviewing a woman who revealed that she was a single mother and the owner of the company said afterward that she would be a problem because she would need too much flexibility. He drew out an entire scenario where she would need to come in late or take off because her child was ill, and even though her child was a teen who got on and off the bus himself and was able to take care of himself until she got home from work, he said she would be distracted. I called him out because I was a single mom and I told him that yes even though I worry about my kids. They always do a quick check in when they get home from school, to say “mom, I’m home” and it doesn’t keep me from doing my job. Unfortunately, he had the final say and we didn’t end up hiring her. i’ve had employers who put me in a different category because I’m a single mother. Even though it never impeded my ability to do the job, I could feel the animosity.

The things I could tell you from my years in recruitment/TA. I once presided over a hiring process where the founder took a backchannel reference on a woman we were about to offer. His charmer of a source called the candidate "a bit of a goer" and I had to spend a couple of hours talking the founder off a ledge. She got the job and was successful, but **JFC**. One man telling another man hearsay about her sexual activities nearly cost her a valuable career move.

When I went for a second job interview at an architecture firm in Los Angeles in 1986, I wore a classic tailored pant suit. I was told the interview was cancelled, no explanation given. I contacted the employment agency who had referred me to the job interview. The recruiter told me I had made the mistake of wearing pants to the interview as there is a "dress" code for women. I never would have even considered going for the job interview had I known that women were only allowed to wear dresses to work. Now that type of thinking is very much a caveman rule🤕

I've heard so much and had so much worse said to me in my career over the last 35 years that nothing shocks me anymore.

I was on an interview panel where a talented female candidate was 'nearly rejected' because "she spoke too much".When I asked the panel to review her track record and endorsements from her customers and peers,it turned out that her strong relationships were a part of her success story!So the "talking too much" was actually a strength!She was selected on merit of course!

When the men do this to me, I'm not surprised anymore. When the women do it though, I'm still in disbelief. Once had a leader of a women's technical org tell me I'd do better in the org if I drank wine instead of a mixed cocktail because it was more appropriate for women.

We should also address the source of those comments as well -- women tend to be harder on other women. I learned so much working in HR that has stuck with me years upon years later!

I sat in on an interview where a capable software developer was overlooked because she said his shoes looked cheap…sadly, stuff like this happens more than anyone wants to admit.