Personal connection creates influence

- Okay, I have a confession to make. When I was a young manager, I used to have a secret wish. That wish was that I had a magic wand that'd make people do exactly what I wanted them to do. Sadly, that's true. I had a tight deadline on a project I was working on with a multifunctional team. I was impatient to move the project ahead, and I was having a hard time convincing my teammates to get what I needed done on time. I went in to complain to my boss about my lazy team, and he laughed. He said, if you want to influence people, you have to first connect with them. Here's what I said. I don't want to connect with people. It takes too long. I just want them to do their jobs. I'm sure he detected a slight tone of annoyance in my voice. "Are you getting what you need now," he asked. "No," I said. "Then try something different," he said. Fast forward to now. More and more, we lead with people over whom we have no authority. Even if they report to us, when we influence them with their motivations in mind, rather than authority, we get better results. Research suggests that people have three basic psychological needs in the workplace. We need to feel competent in what it is that we're doing. We need to feel a meaningful connection to others. We need to feel a sense of autonomy where we're in control of our own lives. When we connect with people with a sincere desire to understand what's important to them, what energizes them, how they like to work, it's easier to influence them. Let's start with some mindsets that will be helpful for you as a transformational leader in influencing people. First, each person, no matter how different from me, has value to add, and they deserve my respect. In my younger days, I just wanted to work with people who were like me. Second, when I become genuinely interested in people, they become more open to collaborating. This mindset is supported by neuroscience. Each of us has mirror neurons in our brains. This is our empathy mechanism where we unconsciously mimic each other's behavior. A great example of this is when somebody yawns and others in the room, all of a sudden have some impulse to yawn. So it is with influence. When you're open to being influenced, you can better influence others. Third, bringing different points of view into discussion helps me be smarter and also helps us make better decisions. This mindset is supported by data. The teams who make the best decisions are those who bring together diverse points of view. Fourth, I need to treat a person based on what motivates them rather than treat everyone the same. I can adapt my own style to what will work best to communicate with others. My old boss also used to have another saying. When you're in France, you're more likely to get what you want when you try to speak French. Rather than trying to speak English, just louder. Look at the table in the graphic and see what mindsets you hold and which you want to practice more of as a transformational leader. If you're still not convinced about the power of genuine connection, consider research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson. Her research shows that micro moments of positive connection with others are actually good for our own wellbeing. In her book, "Love 2.0," Dr. Fredrickson shows how genuine connection with others nourishes our own health, wisdom, and longevity. As transformational leaders, when we bring positive intent, curiosity, and respect to others' points of view, it unconsciously creates a motivation in others to be more open to our points of view, and we create a space of open dialogue that gets better buying and better decisions. Here's your action step. Think about the people who will be impacted by the change you're driving. Create a plan to get to know them and where they stand in terms of their resistance or commitment to the change. Then have a trust building conversation to share your point of view and understand theirs.