Engage fully with your teammates

- How would you feel if you and I were having a conversation at work and I kept glancing at my phone? Would you feel somewhat undervalued, that you're not my priority? There are many little things that we unconsciously do that undermine important relationships. Listening intently and making teammates feel heard is perhaps the most important skill to strengthening relationships, trust and synergy. Here's a simple framework to help you maintain quality engagement with your teammates. All you have to do is show the LOVE. L is for lean in and listen. Stop everything, including any background thoughts and be fully present. Lean in slightly and listen intently. Leaning forward slightly indicates interest, while leaning back, dominance. So give off the right non-verbal cues. And if you're virtual, then simulate eye contact by looking at the camera when you're speaking. Make sure you're well lit and use a microphone. Making it easy to see you and hear you matters. O is for open posture. Keep arms and palms exposed and resting comfortably on the desk or table, or relaxed at the side of the body, if you're standing. Crossed arms and legs could communicate defensiveness, disinterest, or even superiority, so keep it open. In the right context, of course. V is for validate. Two ways to validate and reinforce that you're fully present are, clarification; ask follow-up questions to clarify or seek more information. What does that mean to you? Or tell me more about how you came up with that idea. And reflection; paraphrase what you understood in your own words. What I'm hearing is, what I understand is that, or if I understand you correctly. Highlight key points and then get the other person to confirm that you've understood them. E is for elevate. How do you want your teammates to feel around you? Encouraged, enthusiastic, optimistic? A study published in Psychological Science concluded that without trying or being aware of it, each of us gives out a vibe called Trait Affective Presence, which influences others' moods. Not only that, there's the phenomena of Emotional Contagion. So if you are optimistic, your team can catch that state. It's not about faking it, but recognizing that we can consciously elevate our vibe through shifting our attitude and behavior. Here's a real example. Marilyn Monroe was once strolling in downtown New York City with a friend who expressed astonishment at her ability to maintain anonymity in public. Marilyn replied, that's because I'm walking as Norma Jean. If I walked as Marilyn, everyone would notice me. Her friend, disbelieving, encouraged her to show her what she meant. Instantly, Norma Jean transformed herself into Marilyn Monroe, the movie star. She radiated a certain energy and within minutes she was surrounded by fans. It's important to be aware of and regulate how you consistently show up to your team because this impacts how they respond, feel and perform. Even if you're a quiet introvert, your vibe exerts influence. So how do we do this in practice? Maintain healthy levels of courage and enthusiasm. Use encouraging language and call out small wins and strengths. So remember to use the LOVE framework to better engage with your teammates. Lean in and listen, open posture, validate and elevate. Coming up, we'll explore how to manage the number one catalyst to friction in working relationships.