Building the habits you want

- I spent the majority of my adult life trying to build habits that would serve my growth, sticking to them for about two weeks, and then giving up. For some reason I just couldn't seem to stick to the routines, actions and behaviors that I wanted to. Over the past few years, however, I have found research-backed methods to help me create and stick to lasting healthy habits. As I see it, there are two golden rules when it comes to forming new habits. The first is that we have to allow ourselves some inconsistency. When we approach habit forming, whether that's getting up at a certain time or committing to developing self belief, we have to do so from the perspective that we will drop the ball a some point. We build habits cumulatively. If you forget for a few days, no big deal, keep going. When we don't allow for a little bit of inconsistency, we're more likely to give up when that inconsistency occurs. Secondly, we tend to think of habits as only the things that we do, but our habits are also the things that we think. The thoughts we commonly go to, such as, "I am not as good as that person," or, "I'm not great at public speaking," or, "I'm terrible at being on time," for example. These are habits too. Neurologically speaking, the more we think them, the more hard-wired they become, and the more likely we are to choose that behavior in the moment. If we don't build our thinking habits as well as our action habits, then typically our action habits will fall short. So what are the primary ingredients that we need to form new habits? Firstly, attention. Reinforce your new habits. Think about it, discuss it, write it out. Repeating actions turns them into lasting habits. Secondly, praise. Our brain will go to those things that feel good. Thirdly, accountability. Share with others your process and the habits that you are looking to develop. Let's walk through this habit-forming process in a real world situation. Say you want to build the habit of saying yes to those new opportunities. The first step would be to give this new habit lots of attention. You might create a statement like, "I always say yes when new opportunities come my way," that you think about regularly. You might write this statement down and have it somewhere in view. You might think about it and write out times in the past when that statement has been true. Secondly, we would need to give ourselves praise when we commit to the habit. At the end of each day, celebrate the effort you've put in from the step above. When you say yes to that opportunity, praise yourself and reward yourself in any way that is the most meaningful to you. And then create that accountability. Ask friends and peers you trust to check in with you on the habit. Ask them to remind you of it when those old habits creep back in. I also like to create digital accountability for myself. I use a free tool called FutureMe to email myself reminders of what I'm trying to do. Understanding this process allows us to put the steps in place we need to start changing our behavior and focusing our energy and attention on the habits that will help you step into becoming the incredible, successful woman that you already are.