Adapting to another's communication style

- We've all heard indirect messages in meetings. They sound like this. "Let's revisit this." In some cases, it may mean, "Something is not working." But when you hear, "I wonder about this process..." that person may be saying this and meaning, "There's a better way to do this." Or we often hear, "Let me try to explain..." It's possible that the person saying this is thinking, "How is it possible that you're not understanding this?" Indirect communication is often intended to be polite and diplomatic, but in a setting where direct communication is the norm, it could seem more like we are procrastinating or being indecisive. Learning when and how to adapt your preferred communication style will help you to build trust with others who may have styles that might normally conflict with yours. Let's define the two communication styles. First, direct communicators say what they mean and they say it in a direct and clear language. There's no hesitation in using the word, "No." They don't hold back on sharing their own perspectives and feedback. Direct communicators speak with conviction. They're succinct and to the point when they sometimes may seem gruff or even rude. Now, indirect communicators do it a little differently. They may gather more information by asking questions and offer suggestions for consideration. Indirect communicators may use words such as, "Maybe," or, "Possibly," when it comes to saying, "No." They want to avoid offending others or appearing confrontational. Cultures and their communication styles often match those definitions. If you want to learn more, I highly recommend Erin Mayer's book "Culture Map" or a brilliant training exercise called Communication Contrasts presented by The Thiagi Group. One more adaptation you might want to make to your communication style is to adjust the level of formality or informality you use to interact based on your new setting. If you were raised and attended school in a setting where people with authority were treated with deference and spoken to formally, you might be shocked to hear a student call their professor by their first name. Or the opposite, a young professional who's accustomed to having close working relationships with everyone in her work group may be embarrassed if she informally chats up the CEO in the elevator when they expected to be approached more formally. Levels of formality vary within company cultures and country cultures. Now, gaining a sense of that communication style as it relates to seniority and position will allow you to quickly and effectively blend into a new setting and show that you're adaptable. As with rapport building, the key is to have done your homework, so that you can be spot on with your first greeting, email correspondence, presentation, introduction, phone transaction, and many other business communication scenarios. The level of directness or formality in a culture influences communication style. Observe, absorb, and act accordingly, either becoming more or less direct and formal in all of your interactions.