Express your views without condoning what you don’t believe

- In recent years, we've watched communities all over the world, become divided over political and social issues with little ability to disagree with civility and respect. When it comes to issues that are deeply rooted in principles and values, it's easy to fear that if we listen to those who don't share our views, it could signal that we condone those views, but that's not true and worse as we've seen when we outright reject others because they don't see the world our way, we fracture our communities and our organizations. A few years ago, I found myself in the middle of a heated debate over politics with one of my dearest friends, I could feel my deep resistance to almost anything he said. Later, I realized that I was afraid that any appearance of listening to his views meant I was compromising my own. Of course, nothing could have been further from the truth. Fortunately, we both realized that our friendship was more important than our differences. I learned from that experience that listening to understand doesn't mean agreement. Here are three ways you can approach difficult conflicts without feeling you're compromising your values, your beliefs. First, look for things you have in common. It would be unusual to disagree with someone on everything or every aspect of an issue. I find that trying to separate ideas where I disagree from those where I agree helpful using these four words, facts, values, methods, and goals. Facts, maybe places where I disagree on the what of an issue, values, maybe where I disagree on the why of an issue. Methods might be where I disagree on the how of an issue, and goals, maybe where I disagree on the where of an issue. For example, you and a colleague may agree on the urgency of a difficult customer problem, the what or the facts of the issue and the importance of solving it because of your commitment to service or the why or values behind why to solve it. But you might disagree on how to solve it or methods. By identifying where you agree and isolating where you disagree, conflicts will seem more manageable. Second, own your strong convictions without moralizing. Being seen as someone with deeply held principles, certainly increases your trustworthiness. It's perfectly reasonable for you to say something like, I feel strongly about this issue, because for me, it's a matter of quality. I know your sense of urgency is important to you as well, and why you believe we can go faster, how can we find commonalities where neither of us feels like we're compromising. By acknowledging what's important to both you and others, you eliminate the risk of having them feel judged by your values or coming across as morally superior. And finally, it's vital that you acknowledged the risk in and concerns others may not share. Sometimes there could be political consequences, especially if you're pointing out issues that involve ethics or mistreatment of others. Often those risks pay off well and your courage will be honored, but sadly, sometimes that just isn't the case. Ask yourself, which do I fear more? The consequences of my words or the consequences of my silence? One of the most difficult aspects of being seen as trustworthy is balancing how you express deeply held values while respecting others whose values may be different than yours. Learn to do this well, and you will earn the trust of a wildly diverse group of colleagues and friends.