Cultivate belonging

- Think about a time when you went to a social gathering, maybe a dinner party at a friend's or a neighborhood barbecue, or an informal gathering among colleagues where the host had the remarkable ability to make everyone feel welcomed. You felt more than just comfortable. You felt special, almost as if you were the only guest there. You marvel at the host's uncanny ability to create such an atmosphere. That's what it means to create belonging. It means making sure everyone feels special, like they matter, and that they're accepted by the group. The most trustworthy people are the ones who make everyone around them feel that sense of belonging, even the people they don't like. Making your cross-functional partners feel that sense of belonging instead of feeling like outsiders is a critical part of earning their trust. Here are three simple, but powerful ways you can do that. Learn to be fascinated by others. Sometimes our busy lives make it hard for us to notice the unique qualities in others. But if you can look and listen for important details people share about their lives, perhaps an outside interest or hobby, a recent trip they took, or an aspect of their family they disclose, they will offer important entryways to cultivating belonging. Inquire about what you learned expressing genuine enthusiasm to hear more. One of my colleagues has the incredible ability to do this with grace and poise. I remember standing outside a conference room with a project team and overhearing her say to a team member, "How did your husband's surgery go?" The project team member was not only stunned as she remembered, but clearly felt very honored by the inquiry. When people believe you care about the things they care about, you make them feel welcomed. And the more you can learn about what is important to others, especially people different than you, the less likely you are to misjudge them. Next, aim to be naturally affirming and appreciative. When you notice somebody's unique talents, let them know by offering encouraging words and gratitude for them. Affirming and appreciating even the smallest of moments and contributions of others lets them know that they're special and that they matter to you. Finally, acknowledge where you've made people feel like outsiders. Who are the people in your network that you have been less than hospitable with? Perhaps you find their personality abrasive, or maybe you question their motives of sincerity. Regardless, who among your stakeholders have you signaled a lack of acceptance to? Have you rationalized this with thoughts like, well, we just don't connect well or our personalities are just very different. Well, I'm not suggesting that you will have the same degree of connection with everyone. You must make sure that nobody among your stakeholders ever questions their value in your eye. Who among your network could you be more welcoming toward? Learning to earn the trust of those we find difficult to get along with is the hallmark of genuine trustworthiness. Making others, no matter who they are, feel that deep sense of belonging is one of the most powerful ways to secure their trust, ensuring that when you need them, they'll be there for you.