Recently, we shared responses from a viral online discussion where parents debated which parenting trends actually do waaay more harm than good. As you might imagine, homeschooling was one of the most common responses.
While it may not exactly be a "trend," parents tend to have very strong views on this alternative education style. Plenty of people bashed homeschooling, saying it puts kids at an academic and social disadvantage...
...and some even expressed regret for choosing that educational route for their child.
However, a fair share of people disagreed, jumping to defend homeschooled kids and their abilities:
So, with such a polarizing topic, we were inspired to ask BuzzFeed Community members who actually have experience with homeschooling to weigh in on its pros, cons, and address the common misconceptions that so many people have. Tons of incredibly eye-opening responses poured in from parents, teachers, and formerly homeschooled children.
Here are 22 of the most shocking admissions people shared:
1. "Most people assume that homeschooled kids have zero social skills. In reality, for most of them, it is the opposite. In my own experience, we were rarely in the house because we could learn anywhere. My kids were adept at socializing with people of all ages because we spent so much time interacting with other homeschool families, people in our community, and during all the extracurricular activities we had time to do."
2. "I was homeschooled by my mom from 3rd grade until I graduated high school through an accredited DVD/streaming program. I went to community college for three years to work and pay off my car, then transferred to a university and got my bachelor’s degree. All in all, I had a normal timeline for my education. It was not a walk in the park the whole time. I had to almost beg my mom to check my work and figured a lot of things out on my own. But I made it through, and earned a decent GPA, and even made the president’s list at my community college."
—Anonymous, 29, M, CA
3. "High school teacher here, and I've noticed that homeschool students have no sense of time or how to manage it. They struggle with structure when they enter a comprehensive high school and are totally overwhelmed. Social skills, group work, and any type of academic collaboration — they lack the skills. It’s so sad to see, and it’s even worse when they go from homeschool to college. They stick out like a sore thumb."
—Anonymous, F, OR
4. "I was homeschooled most of my life, and many of my friends were, too. My parents both have college degrees. To be fair, no one type of schooling is a monolith; there are good and bad experiences from every style of school. I know people who received great educations through homeschooling, but I certainly did not. Best I can tell, I got a poor 4th-grade education and have had to learn the rest on my own. My learning disabilities were not treated or supported. When my family went through hard times, our education just stopped.
(Cont'd) "We were homeschooled for religious and political reasons, so I believe some of the gaps in my education were intentional. Now, as I watch my friends' kids go through school, I’m constantly amazed at how much they are being taught and deeply sad that I didn’t get the chance. I’m learning as much math, science, and history on my own as I can, and it’s very healing.
—Anonymous, 30s, F, TX
5. "I’ve only known two women who homeschooled their children. One did no schooling whatsoever; she just wanted companionship and took the teen everywhere she went. They were never apart, and the girl had no friends. The other woman once worked alongside my daughter. She was very dyslexic and had to continually ask my daughter to read things for her. She supposedly had a grade 10 education herself. She homeschooled her two sons. I heard her speaking to her 12-year-old in baby talk. Once again, a woman wanting company and keeping the child infantilized. I am sure there are women out there who work hard to educate their kids, but so many are inadequate for the task. And kids need daily social interaction with peers, particularly when the home environment is dysfunctional. If l had been homeschooled by my mother I would now be in a psychiatric institution."
6. "I was homeschooled from kindergarten through 12th grade. We had a set curriculum, and my parents were pretty structured. I got a solid education and was able to pursue some passion projects in high school. My whole family is some flavor of undiagnosed neurodivergent, so I definitely did not get enough outside socialization and interaction. My parents thought I was ready to go away for college because I had a 1200 on my SAT and knew how to do my own laundry. In reality, I spent most of my freshman year in a permanently overstimulated state with no knowledge of how to connect with roommates and classmates or how to advocate for my needs. I figured it out, but it was a rough transition. Homeschooling was great for me academically, but I wish my parents had known what I needed socially."
—Anonymous, 38, F, FL
7. "Former homeschooled kid here, and I have so much to say. Homeschooled kids are generally not friendless or isolated, though they may have slightly fewer friends. They are often on par or advanced in subjects they like or that their parents consider important, though they may fall behind in others. There is a lot of extracurricular learning involved, and a tremendous amount of free time. It does not always involve waking up late. And, from my experience, most homeschooled kids are not homeschooled for political or religious reasons. Personally, I eventually transferred to a public school, but I do think homeschooling can be a good option for others. Like anything else, there are pros and cons; it’s not a simple matter."
—Anonymous
8. "Once, as a previously homeschooled high schooler, a classmate tried to prove to me that homeschooled kids are not good academically and get low grades when they move to the 'real world.' That was the same semester I got all 100s (definitely way higher than her scores)! Homeschooled kids, past or present, are not stupid!"
9. "What most people probably don't even consider is how jarring it is to go from waking up at 9 a.m., doing schoolwork from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the comfort of your own home, then spending 6 hours in a huge classroom with 20 other kids. The transition from homeschool to regular school messed me up, but I couldn't do anything about it. Since I wasn't used to waking up so early, so I often ended up late. I also wasn't used to being around other kids, and I found myself frustrated by the rigid schedule and by how inefficient homework was when it could have been done during school hours if there hadn't been any recess. Frankly, regular school seemed confusing and unnecessarily long to me after years of a flexible schedule."
—Anonymous
10. "Being in education for over 10 years, I see the benefits of both homeschooling and sending your kids to a public school. One thing I noticed about students that come from a homeschool setting to a public school is that they have no social skills. Students aren’t able to make friends and keep to themselves. Another student who came was so behind academically that they had a hard time keeping up in class."
—Anonymous, 40, NM
11. "I have three main things to add: First, homeschooling isn't all or nothing. Most homeschool students I've met (myself included) weren't homeschooled for 100% of our education. It's really common for homeschoolers to either start in public school and switch to homeschooling, or vice versa. Plus, many homeschooled teens take one or two classes at a local high school, community college, or university, as well as local community ed classes for socialization and enrichment.
(Cont'd) "Additionally, you've probably met plenty of adults who were homeschooled without realizing it. I've been told I've lived a very interesting life, but a lot of that is a function of my personality (I'm adventurous and independent). I have a college degree and work at a university now, and the other former homeschoolers I know also went to college, have careers, and are doing other 'normal' life things."
(Cont'd) And finally, the craziest homeschool stories get the most press, but my day-to-day schooling felt pretty normal. I had a lot more flexibility in what I could learn; following my own curiosity helped me take ownership of my education at a young age. I may not have done exactly what students in public schools were doing, but it all balanced out. While there are definitely parents who are doing a terrible job, it's also good to remember that learning doesn't just happen at a desk in a classroom and that regular school isn't the only (or even best) education method."
12. "It can be ridiculously harmful for your kid's mental health. Obviously, some people will do better in a homeschooled environment, but I developed severe anxiety and depression because of being homeschooled."
—Anonymous, 16, Genderfae, KY
13. "I'm a teacher who oversees a public school homeschooling program. It works for some families who are serious about it, and the parent is intellectually capable of providing appropriate instruction. Additionally, I've found it best when the homeschooled student is also in some sort of sport or extracurricular activity. Many of these students lose out on basic social skills. I have also seen many families doing this because they are hiding their child, who may have special needs that are not being addressed. From what I have seen, homeschool students generally have lower abilities than students who are in a general setting. "
—Anonymous, 40, F, CA
14. "Former homeschooled kid here. You really don't have to be socially isolated! I attended dance classes, swimming lessons, played outside with the neighbors' children, etc., and I made friends. I was taught at home, but if you have regular extracurriculars outside the home, then you can have a solid group of friends. If homeschooled children are lonely/isolated, then their parents need to think more about social activities."
—Anonymous, 28, F, UK
15. "Homeschooling varies from province to province in Canada, and it has particularly more oversight in Alberta compared to other provinces because registered homeschoolers receive funding (there's an unregistered route, but not my own experience). Don't rely on American experiences as the be-all and end-all. There are also far more homeschooling resources available now than there were even 20 or 30 years ago. Homeschooling does not mean that the parent has to teach it all; parents can find tutors, online classes, learning pods, and so on."
(Cont'd) "Speaking as a former classroom teacher and now a homeschooling parent, I think homeschooling has been amazing. I'm able to do so much with my kids that they wouldn't be able to do in school: learning at their own pace, hands-on experiences, way more field trips, and way more time to pursue their interests. Yes, it's a lot of work, and yes, it's often a lot more time spent with the kids, but my spouse and I are thankful that we considered homeschooling as an educational option early on, before our kids had to go to school, and we're seeing the benefits already."
—Anonymous, 35, F, Alberta, CA
16. "I have homeschooled my son as a solo homeschooler for years, and the one thing I love is how I can tailor his education based on his interests. He still learns everything, but in a way that makes complete sense to him. Also, he's always lightyears ahead of all his public school friends in most basics. His spelling, grammar, and vocabulary are usually better than those of his traditionally-schooled peers. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but I'm very glad we chose this path. Even the doubters, like our parents, have come around now that they see how well-adjusted and intelligent our son is."
—Anonymous, 49, F, US
17. "I’m a stay-at-home mother, and I have one child. My husband and I both have dual citizenship, with each of our families split between two countries, so we are constantly traveling back and forth between four different countries to see everyone. My daughter is 5 now, and with the amount of traveling we’re doing, it wouldn’t be achievable to enroll her in a school. She will remain our only child (husband and I do not want more children). I will continue to homeschool her, too. She’s trilingual and can write and read fluently in those three languages, and she also enjoys math, so I don’t believe I’m doing a bad job here. Not to mention she also gets to see the world and learn about different cultures!"
18. "My brother and his wife homeschool their kids. In the most respectful way possible (I love my nephews), their kids aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. They don’t know their right from left, they are sexist at the ripe ages of 7 and 9, and they don’t even know their ABCs. I should call someone about this, now that I’ve typed this out and keep rereading it, but I doubt anything will be done."
—Anonymous, 47, MS
19. "In my 30+ years of teaching middle school, I have never encountered a homeschooled student that switched to regular school that was normal. Parents often put their kids in regular school when they hit adolescence because it’s no longer fun to be at home all day with a moody 13-year-old. Homeschooled children have huge gaps in their learning and are socially stunted. These kids have little tolerance for people unlike themselves because they’ve been kept in a cocoon. Homeschooling is educational neglect and should be illegal."
—Anonymous, 57, F, AZ
20. "If you can get a solid curriculum or program, homeschooling can really work for some students. One of the biggest benefits kids get from homeschooling is the time it gives them. During a traditional school day, kids will spend so much time on things that don’t matter. Waiting in line for lunch, weaving through the hallways to their next class, waiting for other students to be quiet, waiting for the next activity after they’ve finished their work, waiting for feedback from a teacher who has a hundred students. If this student can really handle the work and independence, and if their guardian is willing to put in the effort required, then it can be a faster approach. Plus more interesting when driven by their own curiosity and discovery."
21. "I went to public school, and my kids go to public school. But I happen to know quite a few families who homeschool. It's such a huge spectrum. On one extreme are families who organize a homeschooling co-op, lease a building, and schedule guest teachers and other specialists to come teach the kids — in other words, they've reinvented private school from first principles. But on the other extreme, sadly, I know one family who basically does jack shit, and I don't know what future plan they have for their kids. You'd guess they're super religious or something, but they aren't at all."
And finally:
22. "My cousin's children were all 'homeschooled' by her, and not a single one can read. At all. They can't even read a restaurant menu. It is disgusting. Now they are all completely unable to function in society, and they are embarrassed in normal situations. I did not know until very recently. She will not accept any help for them in learning to read because she is embarrassed, too. I try not to be judgmental because she is not actually a terrible person. She helped out her brother's kids when they did not have enough to eat and some other things, but I am really angry with her because her own (adult) children are suffering. I know homeschooling can be okay, but this is the experience I have seen, so I am biased."
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